Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "My Dog"

My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365.
Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the Dr. once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her. She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, OH S@#*, my dog is a democrat!

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Shooting Advice"

Clint Smith, Director of Thunder Ranch, is part drill instructor and part standup comic.
Thunder Ranch is a top firearms training facility in Arizona.

Here are a few of his observation on tactics, firearms, self defense and
life as we know it in the civilized world.

"The most important rule in a gunfight is: Always win and cheat if necessary."

"Don't forget, incoming fire has the right of way.."

"Make your attacker advance through a wall of bullets.
You may get killed with your own gun, but he'll have to beat you to death with it, cause it's going to be empty."

"If you're not shooting, you should be loading. If you're not loading, you
should be moving, if you're not moving, someone's gonna cut your head off and put
it on a stick."

"When you reload in low light encounters, don't put your flashlight in your back pocket.. If you light
yourself up, you'll look like an angel or the tooth fairy.. and you're gonna be one of 'em pretty
soon."

"Do something. It may be wrong, but do something."

"Shoot what's available, as long as it's available, until something else becomes available."

"If you carry a gun, people will call you paranoid.
That's ridiculous. If you have a gun, what in the hell do you have to be paranoid for."

"Don't shoot fast, unless you also shoot good."

"You can say 'stop' or 'alto' or use any other word you think will work,
but I've found that a large bore muzzle pointed at someone's head is pretty much the
universal language."

"You have the rest of your life to solve your problems. How long you live
depends on how well you do it."

"You cannot save the planet but you may be able to save yourself and your family."

"Thunder Ranch will be here as long as you'll have us or until someone
makes us go away; and either way, it will be very exciting."

More Excellent Gun Wisdom.......

The purpose of fighting is to win. There is no possible victory in defense.

1. Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.

2. If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.

3. I carry a gun cause a cop is too heavy.

4. When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away.

5. A reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers. The reporter recognized the Colt Model
1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him 'Why do you carry a 45?' The Ranger responded, 'Because they don't make a 46.'

6. An armed man will kill an unarmed man with monotonous regularity.

7. The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on
his wearing his sidearm. 'Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?' 'No ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my rifle.'

8. Beware of the man who only has one gun, because he probably knows how to
use it very well.

'The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but
because he loves what is behind
him.' ~G. K. Chesterton

A people that values its privileges above its principles will soon lose
both.

"Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do
not.." - Thomas Jefferson

Protect your 2nd Amendment rights... to protect your family and country.

Friday, December 25, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "The 12 Days of Christmas, Deconstructed"

"The 12 Days of Christmas, Deconstructed"

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed
midwinter festival, my potential-acquaintance-
rape-survivor gave to me:

+ TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior
through ritual drumming.

+ ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit
orchestra made up of members in good standing
of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their
union contract even though they will not be asked
to play a note...)

+ TEN melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned
scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,

+ NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,

+ EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons
stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Europeans,

+ SEVEN endangered swans swimming on protected
wetlands,

+ SIX enslaved fowl-Europeans producing stolen
nonhuman animal products,

+ FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced
domestic incarceration,

NOTE: after member of the Animal Liberation Front
threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the
calling birds, French hens and partridge have been
reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further
animal-European enslavement, the remaining gift
package has been revised.

+ FOUR hours of recorded whale songs,

+ THREE deconstructionist poets,

+ TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled
processed tree carcasses

+ And an Animal Rights activist chained to an old-
growth pear tree.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Handbook For 2010

HANDBOOK 2010

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least:
40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about, I just did.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "We Survived!"

"To All The Kids Who Survived
The 50s, 60s And 70s!"

First, we survived being born to mothers who
smoked and/or drank while they carried us.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing,
tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for
diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were
covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles,
doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes,
we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks
we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat
belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day
was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT
from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from
one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and
drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't
overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE
PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all
day, as long as we were back when the street
lights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were
O.K.




We would spend hours building our go-carts out of
scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out
we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes
a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendos, X-boxes,
no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no
video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones,
no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat
rooms...WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and
found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth
and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and
the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made
up games with sticks and tennis balls and although
we were told it would happen, we did not put out
very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and
knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked
in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made
the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal
with disappointment. Imagine that!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the
law was unheard of. They actually sided with the
law!

This generation has produced some of the best
risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The
past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation
and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility,
and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL.

And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS!
You're on the right side of the grass!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Important Instructions"

"Important Instructions"

The following is from the US Government Peace
Corps Manual for its volunteers who work in the
Amazon Jungle. It tells what to do in case you
are attacked by an anaconda. An anaconda is
the largest snake in the world. It is a relative of
the boa constrictor, it grows to thirty-five feet in
length and weighs between three and four
hundred pounds at the maximum.

This is what the manual said:

1. If you are attacked by an anaconda, do not run.
The snake is faster than you are.

2. Lie flat on the ground. Put your arms tight
against your sides, your legs tight against one
another.

3. Tuck your chin in.

4. The snake will come and begin to nudge and
climb over your body.

5. Do not panic.

6. After the snake has examined you, it will begin
to swallow you from the feet and - always from the
end. Permit the snake to swallow your feet and
ankles. Do not panic.

7. The snake will now begin to suck your legs into
its body. You must lie perfectly still. This will take
a long time.

8. When the snake has reached your knees slowly
and with as little movement as possible, reach
down, take your knife and very gently slide it into
the side of the snake's mouth between the edge
of its mouth and your leg, then suddenly rip
upwards, severing the snake's head.

9. Be sure you have your knife.

10. Be sure your knife is sharp.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: The Truth About Rudolph

The story of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer


A guy named Bob May, depressed and brokenhearted, stared out his drafty apartment window into the chilling December night. His 4-year-old daughter, Barbara, sat on his lap quietly sobbing. Bobs wife, Evelyn, was dying of cancer. Little Barbara couldn't understand why her mommy could never come home. Barbara looked up into her dads eyes and asked, "Why isn't Mommy just like everybody else's Mommy?" Bob's jaw tightened and his eyes welled with tears. Her question brought waves of grief, but also of anger. It had been the story of Bob's life. Life always had to be different for Bob. Being small when he was a kid, Bob was often bullied by other boys. He was too little at the time to compete in sports. He was often called names he'd rather not remember.
From childhood, Bob was different and never seemed to fit in. Bob did complete college, married his loving wife and was grateful to get his job as a copywriter at Montgomery Ward during the Great Depression. Then he was blessed with his little girl. But it was all short-lived. Evelyn's bout with cancer stripped them of all their savings and now Bob and his daughter were forced to live in a two-room apartment in the Chicago slums. Evelyn died just days before Christmas in 1938. Bob struggled to give hope to his child, for whom he couldn't even afford to buy a Christmas gift. But if he couldn't buy a gift, he was determined a make one - a storybook!
Bob had created an animal character in his own mind and told the animal's story to little Barbara to give her comfort and hope. Again and again Bob told the story, embellishing it more with each telling. Who was the character? What was the story all about? The story Bob May created was his own autobiography in fable form. The character he created was a misfit outcast like he was. The name of the character? A little reindeer named Rudolph, with a big shiny nose.
Bob finished the book just in time to give it to his little girl on Christmas Day. But the story doesn't end there. The general manager of Montgomery Ward caught wind of the little storybook and offered Bob May a nominal fee to purchase the rights to print the book. Wards went on to print Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and distribute it to children visiting Santa Claus in their stores. By 1946 Wards had printed and distributed more than six million copies of Rudolph. That same year, a major publisher wanted to purchase the rights from Wards to print an updated version of the book. In an unprecedented gesture of kindness, the CEO of Wards returned all rights back to Bob May. The book became a best seller. Many toy and marketing deals followed and Bob May, now remarried with a growing family, became wealthy from the story he created to comfort his grieving daughter.
But the story doesn't end there either. Bob's brother-in-law, Johnny Marks, made a song adaptation to Rudolph. Though the song was turned down by such popular vocalists as Bing Crosby and Dinah Shore , it was recorded by the singing cowboy, Gene Autry. "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" was released in 1949 and became a phenomenal success, selling more records than any other Christmas song, with the exception of "White Christmas." The gift of love that Bob May created for his daughter so long ago kept on returning to bless him again and again. And Bob May learned the lesson, just like his dear friend Rudolph, that being different isn't so bad. In fact, being different can be a blessing!

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Downsizing Christmas"

Christmas downsizing

Today's global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:

The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance.

The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are therefore eliminated.

The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French.

The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked.

The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks appear to be in order.

The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day is an example of the decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that from now on every goose it gets will be a good one.

The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. Their function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore enhance their outplacement.

As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching.

Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps.

Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords plus the expense of international air travel prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant because we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year.

Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cut back on new music and no uniforms will produce savings which will drop right down to the bottom line.

We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and other expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.

Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), action is pending.

Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to stay competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Shape Up Or Ship Out


WW II Battleship sailor tells Obama to shape up or ship out !

This venerable and much honored WW II vet is well known in Hawaii
for his seventy-plus years of service to patriotic organizations and causes
all over the country.. A humble man without a political bone in his body,
he has never spoken out before about a government official, until now.
He dictated this letter to a friend, signed it and mailed it to the president.

Dear President Obama,

My name is Harold Estes, approaching 95 on December 13 of this year. People meeting me for the first time don't believe my age because I remain wrinkle free and pretty much mentally alert.

I enlisted in the U..S. Navy in 1934 and served proudly before, during and after WW II retiring as a Master Chief Bos'n Mate. Now I live in a "rest home" located on the western end of Pearl Harbor, allowing me to keep alive the memories of 23 years of service to my country.

One of the benefits of my age, perhaps the only one, is to speak my mind, blunt and direct even to the head man.

So here goes.

I am amazed, angry and determined not to see my country die before I do, but you seem hell bent not to grant me that wish.

I can't figure out what country you are the president of.
You fly around the world telling our friends and enemies despicable lies like:
" We're no longer a Christian nation"
" America is arrogant" - (Your wife even
announced to the world,"America is mean-
spirited. " Please tell her to try preaching
that nonsense to 23 generations of our
war dead buried all over the globe who
died for no other reason than to free a
whole lot of strangers from tyranny and
hopelessness.)
I'd say shame on the both of you, but I don't think you like America, nor do I see an ounce of gratefulness in anything you do, for the obvious gifts this country has given you. To be without shame or gratefulness is a dangerous thing for a man sitting in the White House.

After 9/11 you said," America hasn't lived up to her ideals."

Which ones did you mean? Was it the notion of personal liberty that 11,000 farmers and shopkeepers died for to win independence from the British? Or maybe the ideal that no man should be a slave to another man, that 500,000 men died for in the Civil War? I hope you didn't mean the ideal 470,000 fathers, brothers, husbands, and a lot of fellas I knew personally died for in WWII, because we felt real strongly about not letting any nation push us around, because we stand for freedom.

I don't think you mean the ideal that says equality is better than discrimination. You know the one that a whole lot of white people understood when they helped to get you elected.

Take a little advice from a very old geezer, young man.

Shape up and start acting like an American. If you don't, I'll do what I can to see you get shipped out of that fancy rental on Pennsylvania Avenue. You were elected to lead not to bow, apologize and kiss the hands of murderers and corrupt leaders who still treat their people like slaves.

And just who do you think you are telling the American people not to jump to conclusions and condemn that Muslim major who killed 13 of his fellow soldiers and wounded dozens more. You mean you don't want us to do what you did when that white cop used force to subdue that black college professor in Massachusetts, who was putting up a fight? You don't mind offending the police calling them stupid but you don't want us to offend Muslim fanatics by calling them what they are, terrorists.

One more thing. I realize you never served in the military and never had to defend your country with your life, but you're the Commander-in-Chief now, son. Do your job. When your battle-hardened field General asks you for 40,000 more troops to complete the mission, give them to him. But if you're not in this fight to win, then get out. The life of one American soldier is not worth the best political strategy you're thinking of.

You could be our greatest president because you face the greatest challenge ever presented to any president.
You're not going to restore American greatness by bringing back our bloated economy. That's not our greatest threat. Losing the heart and soul of who we are as Americans is our big fight now.
And I sure as hell don't want to think my president is the enemy in this final battle.

Sincerely,
Harold B. Estes

When a 95 year old hero of the "the Greatest Generation"
stands up and speaks out like this, I think we owe it
to him to send his words to as many Americans as
we can.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Reagan Rules!

MISS THIS GUY YET?




'Here's my strategy on the Cold War:
We win, they lose.'- Ronald Reagan


'The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'
-Ronald Reagan


'The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant; it's just that they know so much that isn't so.'
- Ronald Reagan


'Of the four wars in my lifetime, none came about because the U..S. was too strong.'- Ronald Reagan


'I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress.' Ronald Reagan


'The taxpayer: That's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination.' - Ronald Reagan


'Government is like a baby: An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.' - Ronald Reagan



'The nearest thing to eternal life we will ever see on this earth is a government program.' - Ronald Reagan


'It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.' - Ronald Reagan


'Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it.. And if it stops moving, subsidize it' - Ronald Reagan


'Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed, there are many rewards; if you disgrace yourself, you can always write a book.' - Ronald Reagan


'No arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is as formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women.'
- Ronald Reagan


'If we ever forget that we're one nation under GOD, then we will be a nation gone under.'- Ronald Reagan

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Random Thoughts

Random Thoughts for the Day:

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

5. Was learning cursive really necessary?

6. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

7. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

8. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

9. Bad decisions make good stories.

10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

11. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

12. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

13. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever.

14. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

15. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

16. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Drafting Guys Over 50

Drafting Guys over 50 ............ !!!!


This is funny & obviously written by a Former military guy-
New Direction for any war: ' Send Service Vets over 60'!

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military.

They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.
For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.
An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical S-of-a-B....

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns.. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.


These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

***How about recruiting Women over 50 ....with PMS !!!

You think Men have attitudes !!!

If nothing else, put them on border patrol....we will have it secured the first night!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Andy Rooney and Prayer

Andy Rooney and Prayer


Andy Rooney says:

I don't believe in Santa Claus, but I'm not going to sue somebody for singing a Ho-Ho-Ho song in December. I don't agree with Darwin , but I didn't go out and hire a lawyer when my high school teacher taught his Theory of Evolution.

Life, liberty or your pursuit of happiness will not be endangered because someone says a 30-second prayer before a football game. So what's the big deal? It's not like somebody is up there reading the entire Book of Acts. They're just talking to a God they believe in and asking Him to grant safety to the players on the field and the fans going home from the game.

But it's a Christian prayer, some will argue.

Yes, and this is the United States of America , a country founded on Christian principles. According to our very own phone book, Christian churches outnumber all others better than 200-to-1. So what would you expect -- somebody chanting Hare Krishna?

If I went to a football game in Jerusalem , I would expect to hear a Jewish prayer...

If I went to a soccer game in Baghdad , I would expect to hear a Muslim prayer.

If I went to a ping pong match in China , I would expect to hear someone pray to Buddha.

And I wouldn't be offended. It wouldn't bother me one bit.
When in Rome .....

But what about the atheists? Is another argument.

What about them? Nobody is asking them to be baptized. We're not going to pass the collection plate. Just humor us for 30 seconds. If that's asking too much, bring a Walkman or a pair of ear plugs. Go to the bathroom. Visit the concession stand. Call your lawyer!

Unfortunately, one or two will make that call. One or two will tell thousands what they can and cannot do. I don't think a short prayer at a football game is going to shake the world's foundations.

Christians are just sick and tired of turning the other cheek while our courts strip us of all our rights. Our parents and grandparents taught us to pray before eating, to pray before we go to sleep. Our Bible tells us to pray without ceasing. Now a handful of people and their lawyers are telling us to cease praying.

God, help us. And if that last sentence offends you, well, just sue me.

The silent majority has been silent too long. It's time we tell that one or two who scream loud enough to be heard that the vast majority doesn't care what they want. It is time that the majority Rules! It's time we tell them, you don't have to pray; you don't have to say the Pledge of Allegiance; you don't have to believe in God or attend services that honor Him. That is your right, and we will honor your right; but by golly, you are no longer going to take our rights away. We are fighting back, and we WILL WIN!

God bless us one and all ... Especially those who denounce Him, God bless America, despite all her faults. She is still the greatest nation of all. God bless our service men who are fighting to protect our right to pray and worship God.


Let's make 2009/2010 the year the silent majority is heard and we put God back as the foundation of our families and institutions. And our military forces come home from all the wars.

Keep looking up. IN GOD WE TRUST!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: The Mule



Curtis &Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in Starkville, MS. and bought a mule for $100.



The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day.



The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night."





Curtis &Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back."





The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."





They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."





The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?"





Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."





The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"







Leroy said, "We shore can! Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"





A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis &Leroy at the Piggly Wiggly grocery store and asked.





"What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"



They said,"We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do."



Leroy said,"Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a profit of $898."



The farmer said,"My Lord, didn't anyone complain?"




Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two dollars back."


Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.



They're overseeing the Bailout Program.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Marine Corps Bumper Stickers

Bumper stickers seen on a Marine Corps Base
**********************************************************************************

"Water-boarding is out, so kill them all!"
"Interrogators can't water board dead guys"
"Stop Global Whining"
"When In Doubt, Empty the Magazine"
"Naval Corollary; Dead men don't testify "
"The Marine Corps -- When It Absolutely, Positively Has To Be Destroyed Overnight"
"Death Smiles at Everyone -- Marines Smile Back"
"Marine Sniper - You can run, but you'll just die tired!"
"What Do I Feel When I Kill A Terrorist? .... A little Recoil"
"Marines -- Providing Enemies of America an Opportunity to Die For their Country since 1775"
"Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Anyone Who Threatens It"
"Happiness Is a Belt-Fed Weapon"
"It's God's Job to forgive Bin Laden -- It's Our Job to Arrange the Meeting"
"Artillery Brings Dignity to What Would Otherwise Be Just a Brawl"
"One Shot, Twelve Kills -- US Navy Gun Fire Support"
"My kid fought in Iraq so your kid can party in college"
"Machine Gunners -- Accuracy by Volume"
"A Dead Enemy Is a Peaceful Enemy -- Blessed Be the Peacemakers"
"If You Can Read, Thank A Teacher. If You Can Read It in English, Thank a Veteran"
"Except For Ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism, and Communism, WAR has Never Solved Anything.”
"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But, the Marines don't have that problem." - Ronald Reagan

Monday, October 12, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Great Football Quotes"

Quotes from past gridiron legends have added to football's lore and should be passed on to today's youth to increase their wisdom...

#1. 'Football is only a game. Spiritual things are eternal. Nevertheless, Beat Texas ' - Seen on a church sign in Arkansas prior to the 1969 game.

#2. 'After you retire, there's only one big event left... And I ain't ready for that.' - Bobby Bowden / Florida State

#3. 'The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it.' - Lou Holtz / Arkansas

#4. 'When you win, nothing hurts.' - Joe Namath / Alabama

#5. 'Motivation is simple.. You eliminate those who are not motivated.' - Lou Holtz / Arkansas

#6. 'If you want to walk the heavenly streets of gold, you gotta know the password, 'Roll, tide, roll!' - Bear Bryant / Alabama

#7. 'A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.' - Frank Leahy / Notre Dame

#8. 'There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you.' - Woody Hayes / Ohio State

#9. 'I don't expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation.' - Bob Devaney / Nebraska

#10. 'In Alabama , an atheist is someone who doesn't believe in Bear Bryant.' - Wally Butts / Georgia

#11. 'You can learn more character on the two-yard line than anywhere else in life.' - Paul Dietzel / LSU

#12. 'It's kind of hard to rally around a math class.' - Bear Bryant / Alabama

#13. When asked if Fayetteville was the end of the world. 'No, but you can see it from here.' - Lou Holtz / Arkansas ...

#14. 'I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter, I want him to quit in practice, not in a game.' - Bear Bryant / Alabama

#15. 'There's one sure way to stop us from scoring-give us the ball near the goal line.' - Matty Bell / SMU

#16. 'Lads, you're not to miss practice unless your parents died or you died.' - Frank Leahy / Notre Dame

#17. 'I never graduated from Iowa , but I was only there for two terms - Truman's and Eisenhower's.' - Alex Karras / Iowa

#18. 'My advice to defensive players: Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in a bad humor.' - Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee

#19. 'I could have been a Rhodes Scholar, except for my grades.' - Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State

#20. 'Always remember... Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David.' - Shug Jordan / Auburn

#21. 'They cut us up like boarding house pie. And that's real small pieces.' - Darrell Royal / Texas

#22. 'Show me a good and gracious loser, and I'll show you a failure.' - Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

#23. 'They whipped us like a tied up goat.' - Spike Dykes / TexasTech

#24. 'I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn't recruit me and he said: 'Well, Walt, we took a look at you and you weren't any good.' - Walt Garrison / Oklahoma State

#25. 'Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel.' - Bobby Bowden / Florida State

#26. 'Football is not a contact sport - it is a collision sport. Dancing is a contact sport.' - Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State

#27. After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his postgame message to his team: 'All those who need showers, take them.' - John McKay / USC

#28. 'If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education.' - Murray Warmath / Minnesota

#29. 'The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb.' - Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

#30. 'Oh, we played about like three tons of buzzard puke this afternoon.' - Spike Dykes / Texas Tech

#31. 'It isn't necessary to see a good tackle. You can hear it.' -Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

#32. 'We live one day at a time and scratch where it itches.' -Darrell Royal / Texas

#33. 'We didn't tackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking.' - Wilson Matthews / Little Rock Central High School

#34. 'Three things can happen when you throw the ball, and two of them are bad.' - Darrell Royal / University of Texas

#35. 'I've found that prayers work best when you have big players.' - Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: An Old Farmer's Advice




An Old Farmer's Advice:

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong.

*Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.

*Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.

* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.

* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.

* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.

* You cannot unsay a cruel word.

* Every path has a few puddles.

* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.

* The best sermons are lived, not preached.

* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.

* Don't judge folks by their relatives.

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.

* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.

* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.

* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.

* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.

* Always drink upstream from the herd.

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.

* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.
* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. Leave the rest to God.
--
Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.

Friday, September 25, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Think About It

Think about It



The U.S. Post Service was established in 1775 - they've had 234 years to get it right; it is broke, and even though heavily subsidized, it can't compete with private sector FedEx and UPS services.

Social Security was established in 1935 - they've had 74 years to get it right; it is broke.

Fannie Mae was established in 1938 - they've had 71 years to get it right; it is broke.
Freddie Mac was established in 1970 - they've had 39 years to get it right; it is broke.
Together Fannie and Freddie have now led the entire world into the worst economic collapse in 80 years.

The War on Poverty was started in 1964 - they've had 45 years to get it right; $1 trillion of our hard earned money is confiscated each year and transferred to "the poor"; it hasn't worked.

Medicare and Medicaid were established in 1965 - they've had 44 years to get it right; they are both broke; and now our government dares to mention them as models for all US health care.

AMTRAK was established in 1970 - they've had 39 years to get it right; last year they bailed it out as it continues to run at a loss!

This year, a trillion dollars was committed in the massive political payoff called the Stimulus Bill of 2009; it shows NO sign of working; it's been used to increase the size of governments across America, and raise government salaries while the rest of us suffer from economic hardships. It has yet to create a single new private sector job. Our national debt projections (approaching $10 trillion) have increased 400% in the last six months.

"Cash for Clunkers" was established in 2009 and went broke in 2009 - - after 80% of the cars purchased turned out to be produced by foreign companies, and dealers nationwide are buried under bureaucratic paperwork demanded by a government that is not yet paying them what was promised.

So with a perfect 100% failure rate and a record that proves that each and every "service" shoved down our throats by an over-reaching government turns into disaster, how could any informed American trust our government to run or even set policies for America's health care system - - 17% of our economy?

Maybe each of us has a personal responsibility to let others in on this brilliant record before 2010.

Friday, September 18, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: The Mexican Lion

How do you like this security system?

This is a true story of an Garage Owner in the Southwest.
He was sick & tired of thugs breaking into his garage shop to steal tools etc. So he came up with this idea . . .. He put the word out that he had a new "Mexican Lion" at the shop that would attack anyone who tried to break in or climb his fence. The would-be thieves saw the “Lion” from a distance and fled the scene.
Ingenious guy!






I'll give you 5 minutes to stop laughing !

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: How Many In The Herd?

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you
give me a calf?"


Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the
area in an ultra-high-resolution photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany .
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.



Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."


"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.


He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.


"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and
you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep. ...


Now give me back my dog

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: A Little Good News

Just saw on the CBS morning news where there are quirky indexes that gauge the economy....such as if movie theatres are packed it's NOT a good sign because people are trying to escape their reality.....same for if sales of romance novels are up....people trying to escape....

However, there is a good sign the economy is going up because of the MUI....that's the Men's Underwear Index. When the economy is bad men's underwear sales go down because they feel it's not a big deal. But oddly enough, sales these days are up indicating good news for the economy.

Just thought you'd like to know a little good news.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: An Old Sea Story

There's an old sea story in the Navy about a ship's Captain who inspected his sailors, and afterward told the Chief Mate that his men smelled bad. The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change underwear occasionally.

The Chief responded, "Aye, aye sir, I'll see to it immediately!"The Chief went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced, "The Captain thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear."Pittman, you change with Jones; McCarthy, you change with Witkowski; and Brown, you change with Schultz. Now get to it!!!

"THE MORAL: Someone may be promising "Change" in Washington ; but don't count on things smelling any better

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Divorce Agreement

DIVORCE AGREEMENT

THIS IS SO INCREDIBLY WELL PUT AND I CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S BY A YOUNG PERSON, A STUDENT!!! WHATEVER HE RUNS FOR, I'LL VOTE FOR HIM.

American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists And Obama supporters, et al:

We have stuck together since the late 1950's, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has run its course.

Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.

Here is a model separation agreement:

Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes.

We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military.

You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell (You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them).

We'll keep the capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. You can have your beloved homeless, homeboys, hippies and illegal aliens. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .

You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.

We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. But we will no longer be paying the bill.

We'll keep the SUVs, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.

You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. We'll continue to believe healthcare is a luxury and not a right. We'll keep The Battle Hymn of the Republic and the National Anthem. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute Imagine, I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing, Kum Ba Ya or We Are the World.

We'll practice trickle down economics and you can give trickle up poverty your best shot. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag.

Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you Answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years..

Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American

P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheehan, Barbara Streisand, & Jane Fonda with you.

P.... S. S. And we won't have to press 1 for English

Monday, August 17, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Happier Great-Granparents

Why Our Great-Grandparents were Happier Than We Are...


Bayers Heroin



A bottle of Bayer's heroin. Between 1890 and 1910 heroin was sold as a non-addictive substitute for morphine.
It was also used to treat children with strong cough.


Coca Wine, anyone?



Metcalf Coca Wine was one of a huge variety of wines with cocaine onthe market.
Everybody used to say that it would make you happy and it would also work as a medicinal treatment.




Mariani wine



Mariani wine (1875) was the most famous Coca wine of it's time.
Pope Leo XIII used to carry one bottle with him all the time.
He awarded Angelo Mariani (the producer) with a Vatican gold medal.




Maltine



Produced by Maltine Manufacturing Company of NewYork. It was suggested that you
should take a full glass with or after every meal... Children should take half a glass.




A paper weight:



A paper weight promoting C.F. Boehringer & Soehne ( Mannheim , Germany ).
They were proud of being the biggest producers in the world of products containing
Quinine and Cocaine.




Opium for Asthma:



No comments.




Cocaine tablets (1900)



All stage actors, singers teachers and preachers had to have them for a maximum performance.
Great to "smooth" the voice.


Cocaine drops for toothache




Very popular for children in 1885. Not only did they relieve the pain, they made the children happy!




Opium for new-borns



I'm sure this would make them sleep well (not only the Opium, but 46% alcohol!)




No wonder they were called The Good Old Days!!

NOW WE KNOW!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Obama's Health Plan

Bob From FLETC called this in:

TOP TEN INDICATORS THAT YOUR EMPLOYER HAS CHANGED TO OBAMA'S HEALTH CARE PLAN:
(10) Your annual breast exam is done at the Red Carpet.
(9) Directions to your doctor's office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park off of Highway 17."
(8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.
(7) The only proctologist in the plan works for Roto Rooter .
(6) The only item listed under Preventative Care Coverage is "an apple a day."
(5) Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill on Altama Avenue last month.
(4) "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges," is not a typographical error.
(3) The only expense covered 100% is "embalming."
(2) Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M's on them.
AND THE NUMBER ONE SIGN YOU'VE JOINED OBAMA'S HEALTH CARE PLAN:
(1) You ask for Viagra, and they give you a Popsicle stick and duct tape

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Everyone Has The Right To Eat.

Everyone has a right to eat.

If you go to your favorite restaurant you should be served. Some people can’t afford this restaurant and must go to a less expensive place to eat. This dining establishment will be run by the government and charge the same prices for all. Since everyone has a right to eat no one will be turned away. If they can’t afford the bill then the government will pay for the meal. Some people do not want to eat out every night. No matter, they will be charged for a meal anyway. This will help pay for those free meals that will be given away.
If for some reason you decide not to eat at your favorite place and try dining out at the government restaurant you can never go back to where you once ate. You must continue to eat at the government run restaurant. Meanwhile your favorite restaurant has been told by the government that they have five years to change their menu and prices to match that of the government establishment.
As time goes by more and more people are eating at the government restaurant. Many of the privately owned places are closed since their customer base is dwindling and they can’t compete with places that give out free meals. The waiting lines at the government restaurants are getting longer and longer. In order to meet the expanded capacity the seating hostess insists upon reservations a week in advance and she will make the determination as to exactly when you can eat. The government restaurant is now running out of food because the budget does not allow for so many customers. The seating hostess again has a solution. Some people will be served smaller portions since they do not need as much food. Elderly people especially do not burn as many calories as younger folks and only need to eat every other day. This decision was not made by a trained nutritionist but by the wait staff at the restaurant. Even so the government restaurant still cannot turn a profit and costs are going up. The people are told that some folks have plenty of money and can pay for their meals and provide enough to expand the government restaurant. Therefore we can take money from those wealthy folks and give it away to those who need it. The people are not allowed to do this of course because that would be stealing so the government does this and calls it progressive taxation. To avoid this theft many of the wealthy people move their money to another location so there is none left to steal.
Soon we find that everyone is eating for free but the food isn’t any good. The wait for a table is terribly long and you do not get what you want to eat but only what you are told you deserve to eat. Farmers do not want to sell their vegetables for the prices the government is willing to pay. Chefs cannot create appetizing and nutritious entrees since there is no material and little incentive to improve the menu. In fact there is a drastic shortage of chefs since the private restaurants have closed down and there is no profit to be made for those who want to make a living in the culinary arts.
Now there are food shortages everywhere. The people cry out for help because they are starving but there is no help. How do you like your free meals now?

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Set Your Priorities

ONE MAYONNAISE JAR AND TWO BEERS

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 Beers.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him.

When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full.

They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.

The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full.

The students responded with a unanimous 'yes....'

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand.

The students laughed..'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.'

The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car..

The sand is everything else---the small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.

The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Spend time with your children..

Spend time with your parents.

Visit with grandparents.

Take your spouse out to dinner.

Play another 18.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter

Set your priorities.

The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS.......
IT'S LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN!!!!!!

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Say No To Teacher Furlough!"

Georgia's Governor has come out with an idea on how make up some of the state's 900 million dollar shortfall. Sonny Perdue wants to give all teachers in the state an unpaid 3 day furlough. Let me get this straight...our state is doing well enough in education that we can afford to do this? Don't think so, Sonny! Georgia continues to lag behind other states in education. In fact we're usually 50th or 49th, either behind Mississippi or just in front. Our teachers are already over-worked and underpaid. Now our Governor wants to cut their pay? How about we cut the Governor's pay and find some other bureaucrats that we can either cut loose or put on unpaid furloughs. Our government is overflowing with employees that are a waste of taxpayers' money. There are a lot of people drawing a paycheck from the state, and we have no clue what they do every day. Let's start by cutting these parasites out. Here's an idea: Governor Sonny could lead the way and work for just a dollar salary. Why not? He's already a millionaire. Furloughing teachers? Bad idea!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Taxed To Extremes"

"Taxed to Extremes"

TAXES

Accounts Receivable Tax

Building Permit Tax

Capital Gains Tax

CDL License Tax

Cigarette Tax

Corporate Income Tax

Court Fines
(indirect taxes)

Dog License Tax

Federal Income Tax

Federal Unemployment Tax
(FUTA)

Fishing License Tax

Food License Tax

Fuel permit tax

Gasoline Tax
(42 cents minimum per gallon)

Hunting License Tax

Inheritance Tax Interest Expense
(tax on the money)

Inventory Tax IRS Interest Charges
(tax on top of tax)

IRS Penalties
(tax on top of tax)

Liquor Tax

Local Income Tax

Luxury Taxes

Marriage License Tax

Medicare Tax

Property Tax

Real Estate Tax

Septic Permit Tax

Service Charge Taxes

Social Security Tax

Road Usage Taxes
(Truckers)

Sales Taxes

Recreational Vehicle Tax

Road Toll Booth Taxes

School Tax

State Income Tax

State Unemployment Tax
(SUTA)

Telephone Federal Excise Tax

Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax

Telephone Federal, State and
Local Surcharge Taxes

Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax

Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax

Telephone Usage Charge Tax

Toll Bridge Taxes

Toll Tunnel Taxes

Traffic Fines
(indirect taxation)

Trailer Registration Tax

Utility Taxes

Vehicle License Registration Tax

Vehicle Sales Tax

Watercraft Registration Tax

Well Permit Tax

Workers Compensation Tax

COMMENTS:
Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago.
Also, our nation was the most prosperous in
the world, had essentially no national debt, had
the largest middle class in the world, and Mom
stayed home to raise the kids!!!

What the heck happened ????

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Joe & Jose

Here is an example of why hiring illegal aliens is not economically productive for the State of California ...or any other s tate for that matter.

You have 2 families..."Joe Legal" and "Jose Illegal". Both families have 2 parents, 2 children and live in California .. "Joe Legal" works in construction, has a Social Security Number, and makes $25.00 per hour with payroll taxes deducted.... "Jose Illegal" also works in construction, has "NO" Social Security Number, and gets paid $15.00 cash "under the table".

Joe Legal...$25.00 per hour x 40 hours $1000.00 per week, $52,000 per year ... Now take 30% away for state & federal tax
Joe Legal now has $31,231.00

Jose Illegal...$15.00 per hour x 40 hours $600.00 per week, $31,200.00 per year
Jose Illegal pays no taxes...
Jose Illegal now has $31,200.00

Joe Legal pays Medical and Dental Insurance with limited coverage $1000.00 per month
$12,000.00 per year
Joe Legal now has $19,231.00

Jose Illegal has full Medical and Dental coverage through the state and local clinics at a cost of $0.00 per year.
Jose Illegal still has $31,200.00

Joe Legal makes too much money to be eligible for Food Stamps or welfare
Joe Legal pays for food $1,000.00 per month
$12,000.00 per year
Joe Legal now has $ 7,231.00

Jose Illegal has no documented income, so he is eligible for Food Stamps and Welfare
Jose Illegal still has $31,200.00

Joe Legal pays rent $1,000.00 per month
$12,000.00 per year
Joe Legal is now in the hole minus (-) $4,769..00

Jose Illegal receives a $500 per month Federal rent subsidy ..
Jose Illegal pays rent $500.00 per month (section 8 housing) $6,000.00 per year
Jose Illegal still has $25,200.00

Joe Legal now works overtime on Saturdays or gets a part time job after work or his wife must work.
Jose Illegal has nights and weekends off to enjoy with his family (and eat out!).

Joe Legal's and Jose Illegal's children both attend the same school.
Joe Legal pays for his children's lunches
Jose Illegal's children get a government sponsored breakfast & lunch, and they also qualify to be bused to school at tax payer expense.

Jose Illegal's children have an after school ESL program.
Joe Legal's children have to find a way to get to school and go home after school as, "latch-key kids" with no adult supervision.

Joe Legal and Jose Illegal both enjoy the same Police and Fire Services, but Joe paid for them and Jose did not pay.

Jose Illegal can send most of his money back home to Mexico to build a new home for retirement, and have money to buy a new truck (and still have Medi-Cal benefits while living in a foreign country; until someone turns him in to authorities....if they ever find out)

Joe Legal is still in the hole.

Any questions?

Friday, July 10, 2009

Joe Willie on The Shrimpbox: A Jail Solution

I've come up with a solution for the jail controversy in Downtown Brunswick. It might even be too simple for government officials and bureaucrats to make it work. Since the developpers of the Marina Towers have run out of money, Glynn County could probably buy it at a great deal. Renovate it and put the Sheriff's office in the penthouse and make the lower floors a minimum security jail. Keep the maximum risk prisoners at the current facility. Instead of the $23 million for the proposed addition to the current facilty we could probably put in a couple of million and call it a day.

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpox: Why The City Of Brunswick Didn't Issue Building permits for the Marina Towers.

I've read with amusement the news that the city never issued a building permit for the Marina Towers condo project on Newcastle Street. The five story project went up without the proper permits. Construction has since stopped on the multi-million dollar project. What happened?

Here are The Top 7 Reasons Why The City Of Brunswick Didn't Issue Building permits for the Marina Towers:

7. Ran out of permits after they had all been issued at Liberty Harbor.

6. There were just too many trees to pick up.

5. That jail mess took too much time.

4. City employees were too busy helping the Mayor get packed for his latest trip to China.

3. The visiting delegation from our sister city in China told us "Permits? We don't need no stinking permits!

2. No one could speak Spanish with the construction workers.

And the Top Reason Why The City Of Brunswick Didn't Issue Building permits for the Marina Towers:

No one wanted to visit the site because of the smell from the Sewage Treatment Center across the street.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Government Planning"

"Government Planning"

TO: Honorable Secretary of Agriculture
Washington, D.C.

Dear Sir;

My friend, Ed Peterson, over at Wells Iowa, received a check for $1,000 from the government for not raising hogs. So, I want to go into the "not raising hogs" business next year.What I want to know is, in your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to raise hogs on, and what is the best breed of hogs not to raise? I want to be sure that I approach this endeavor in keeping with all governmental policies. I would prefer not to raise razorbacks, but if that is not a good breed not to raise, then I will just as gladly not raise Yorkshires or Durocs.As I see it, the hardest part of this program will be in keeping an accurate inventory of how many hogs I haven't raised.My friend, Peterson, is very joyful about the future of the business. He has been raising hogs for twenty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was $422 in 1968, until this year when he got your check for $1000 for not raising hogs.If I get $1000 for not raising 50 hogs, will I get $2000 for not raising 100 hogs? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4000 hogs not raised, which will mean about $80,000 the first year. Then I can afford an airplane.Now another thing, these hogs I will not raise will not eat 100,000 bushels of corn. I understand that you also pay farmers for not raising corn and wheat. Will I qualify for payments for not raising wheat and corn not to feed the 4000 hogs I am not going to raise?Also, I am considering the "not milking cows" business, so send me any information you have on that too.In view of these circumstances, you understand that I will be totally unemployed and plan to file for unemployment and food stamps.Be assured you will have my vote in the coming election.

Patriotically Yours,
The Farmer

P.S. Would you please notify me when you plan to distribute more free cheese.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: A Stimulus Story

A Stimulus Story

It is the month of June, on the shores of the Black Sea . It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit. Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town.
He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.
The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.
The Butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig grower.
The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel. The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the town's prostitute that in these hard times, gave her "services" on credit. The hooker runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there. The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything. At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 Euro note, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town. No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism..
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government is doing business

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: It's More Than Just A Picnic With Fireworks

Have you ever wondered what happened to the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence? Five signers were captured by the British as traitors, and tortured before they died.Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned. Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army; another had two sons captured. Nine of the 56 fought and died from wounds or hardships of the Revolutionary War. They signed and they pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor. What kind of men were they? Twenty-four were lawyers and jurists. Eleven were merchants, nine were farmers and large plantation owners; men of means, well educated, but they signed the Declaration of Independence knowing full well that the penalty would be death if they were captured. Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and trader, saw his Ships swept from the seas by the British Navy.He sold his home and properties to pay his debts, and died in rags. Thomas McKeam was so hounded by the British that he was forced to move his family almost constantly. He served in the Congress without pay, and his family was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him, and poverty was his reward. Vandals or soldiers looted the properties of Dillery, Hall, Clymer, Walton, Gwinnett, Heyward, Ruttledge, and Middleton. At the battle of Yorktown , Thomas Nelson, Jr., noted that the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson home for his headquarters. He quietly urged General George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed, and Nelson died bankrupt. Francis Lewis had his home and properties destroyed. The enemy jailed his wife, and she died within a few months. John Hart was driven from his wife's bedside as she was dying. Their 13 children fled for their lives. His fields and his gristmill were laid to waste. For more than a year he lived in forests and caves, returning home to find his wife dead and his children vanished. Some of us take these liberties so much for granted, but we shouldn't. So, take a few minutes while enjoying your 4th of July holiday and silently thank these patriots. It's not much to ask for the price they paid. Remember: freedom is never free! I hope you will show your support by sending this to as many people as you can, please. It's time we get the word out that patriotism is NOT a sin, and the Fourth of July has more to it than beer, picnics, and baseball.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Golden Isles Career Academy Grand Opening

The top 4 things overheard at the Golden Isles Career Academy’s grand opening

4. Where’s the shrimpboat driving class that Joe Willie promised.

3. Is that really Governor Sonny Perdue or is that really Ed Asner?

2. Who in the heck let Joe Willie in?

And the top thing overheard at yesterday’s grand opening of the Golden Isles career Academy…At least we know where are Governor is at!

Friday, May 22, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Stress e

Rich Hancock sent me this:

Stress test

Read the full description before looking at the picture.
The picture below has 2 identical dolphins in it..
It was used in a case study on stress levels at St. Mary 's Hospital.

Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water.
The dolphins are identical.
A closely monitored scientific study revealed that, in spite of the fact that the dolphins are identical, a person under stress would find differences in the two dolphins.
The more differences a person finds between the dolphins, the more stress that person is experiencing.

Look at the photograph and if you find more than one or two differences you need to go on vacation.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: I'm Voting for This Guy!

Bill Cosby has a great way of distilling things. Looks like hes done it again!

I WISH WE HAD A CANDIDATE WITH THIS PLATFORM!!

I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE.
HERE IS MY PLATFORM:

(1) 'Press 1 for English' is immediately banned. English is the official language; speak it or wait at the border until you can.

(2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, no exports. We will use the 'Wal-Mart 's policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.'

(3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it.

(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border (six month tour).. They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.

(5) Social security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put nuttin in, you ain't gettin nuttin out. The president nor any other politician will be able to touch it.


(6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade.

(7) Professional Athletes--Steroids. The FIRST time you check positive you're banned for life.

(8) Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method, the first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There is no more life sentences. If convicted of murder, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim; gun, knife, strangulation, etc.

(9) One export will be allowed, Wheat. The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.

(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause.

(11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress.

(12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.Sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes
GOD BLESS AMERICA.
Bill Cosby

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: A Police Officer's prayer

Monday, May 11, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Cops On The Take

Sgt. Richard Evans with the Brunswick Police Department sent this in:

COPS ON THE TAKE...
First they take ... the oath.
then :
They take ... it in stride when people curse at them and call them foul names.
They take... a second job sometimes to make ends meet and support their family.
They take ... time to stop and talk to children.
They take... your verbal abuse while giving a ticket which was really deserved.
They take ... on creeps you would be afraid to even look at.
They take ... time away from their family to keep you safe.
They take ... your injured child to the hospital.
They take ... the graveyard shift without complaint because it's their turn.
They take ... their life into their own hands daily.
They take... time to explain why both your headlights have to work.
They take... the job no one else wants -- telling you a loved one has died.
They take ... in sights that would make you cry. Sometimes he cries too, but they take it anyway because someone has to.
They take ... memories to bed each night that you couldn't bear for even one day.
They take ... time to explain to their family why they can't make the ball game their child is in and why they have to work on the holiday when other parents are off.
Sometimes... They take a bullet.
And yes, occasionally ... They take a free cup of coffee.
If they are lucky ... They take retirement.
Then one day they pay for all that has been taken ...and hopefully, God will take them.

Have you thanked a cop lately for all they do? Try it. When you see a cop in the super market, standing in line in a cafeteria, shopping, or anywhere else. Try it. It will make the cop's day. It will certainly be a blessing to you also!!

Written by Texas police officer as a tribute to his brother, Police Officer Rodney Kendrick, who died in the line of duty....July 2001

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Backpacks at Disney

I just back from Disney World and I have one question: "When did we become the land of backpackers?" What's up with all of these folks at Disney World lugging around heavy backpacks? What's so darn important that you have to carry it around all day? I saw folks pulling out sandwichs, carrot sticks, cheese sticks, sippy drinks, bottles of water, extra clothing, etc... I say if you can't put it in your pockets you don't need to carry it! Too much stuff? Get cargo pants or cargo shorts with even more pcokets. If it still can't fit...it's too much! You just can't enjoy an amusement prk when you're too busy being a beast of burden. If you can't afford to buy a bottle of water or food at Disney you really shouldn't go in the first place. Be cool! Don't be a pack mule! If you can't pack it in your pocket...don't take it!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Pecans In The Cemetery

PECANS IN THE CEMETERY
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
'One for you, one for me One for you, one for me,' said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.'
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls.'
The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard , 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.'
The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth..Let's see if we can see the Lord.'
Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done.'
They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike.
SMILE, God Loves You

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Why Containment and Not Cleanup?

I hear that the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency will award our community $5 million to $10 million for containment of the toxic chemicals at the old Brunswick Wood Preserving property on Perry Lane Road. It's been a federal Superfund site for a few years. They used to treat power poles out there with all kinds of hamful cancer causing chemicals like creosote, PCP, and dioxin.
Now we're getting millions of dollars to keep it contained. We're talking containment and not clean-up. Huh! I don't get it! Why not clean the mess up?
If you had an overflow in your bathroom you'd probably want to clean it up instead of just containing it. Our government obviously has a different idea. The EPA's idea would be to just contain it. That means they think you should just maybe throw a rug over the overflowed mess and keep people out for a while. At some point you could re-open the bathroom and use it, but not as a bathroom. What? Put the TV on the potty and use it as a TV stand? Come on! It's still gonna stink! Bottom line! Don't just contain it! Clean it!!!!!

Friday, April 10, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Basic Socialism

THE BASIC ECONOMICS OF SOCIALISM

An economics professor at Texas Tech said he had never failed a single student before but had, once, failed entire class. That class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer. The professor then said ok, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism. All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A. After the first test the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. But, as the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too; so they studied little.. The second test average was a D! No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around theaverage was an F. The scores never increased as bickering, blame, name calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else. All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great; but when government takes all the reward away; no one will try or want to succeed. Could not be any simpler than that...............

Monday, April 6, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: The Spoiled Under - 30 Crowd

THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!!

If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears
with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they
were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school
every morning
Uphill... Barefoot...
BOTH ways
Yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up,
there was no way in hell I was going to lay
a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had
and how easy they ' ve got it!
But now that... I ' m over the ripe old age of
thirty, I can ' t help but look around and notice the youth of toda y.
You ' ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my
childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
And I hate to say it but you kids today you
don ' t know how good you ' ve got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn ' t have The Internet. If we
wanted to know something, We had to go to the damn library and
look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!
There was no email!! We had to actually write
somebody a letter, with a pen!
Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in
the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps
were 10 cents!
Child Protective Services didn ' t care if our parents beat us. As
a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission
to kick our butts! No where was safe!
There were no MP3 ' S or Napsters! You wanted to
steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and
shoplift it yourself!
Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the
DJ ' d usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!
There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We ' d
play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape
would come undone. ' cause that ' S how we rolled, dig?
We didn ' t have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you
were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal,
that ' S it!
And we didn ' t have fancy Caller ID either!
When the phone rang, you had no idea who it w as! It could be your
school, your mom, you R boss, your Bookie, your drug dealer, a collections
agent, you just didn ' t know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn ' t have any fancy Sony Playstation video
games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600!
With games like ' Space Invaders ' and ' asteroids ' . Your guy was a little
square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple
levels or screens, it was just one screen forever!
And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
You had to use a li ttle book called a TV Guide to find out what was
on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to
get off your butt and walk over to the TV to change the channel!
There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons
on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I ' m saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK
for cartoons, you spoiled little brats.
And if we didn ' t have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we
had to use the stove ... Imagine that!
That ' s exactly what I ' m talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. ;
You ' re spoiled. You guys wouldn ' t have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!

Regards,
The over 30 Crowd