This was an article from the St. Petersburg Times Newspaper on Sunday.
The Business Section asked readers for ideas on "How Would You Fix the Economy?"
I thought this was the BEST idea....
I think this guy nailed it!
Dear Mr. President,
Patriotic retirement:
There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force - Pay them $1 million apiece severance with the following stipulations:
1) They leave their jobs. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.
2) They buy NEW American cars. Forty million cars ordered - Auto Industry fixed.
3) They either buy a house/pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis fixed.
It can't get any easier than that!
PS If more money is needed, have all members in Congress and their constituents pay their taxes…
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
THE TOP 5 ACTS TURNED DOWN BY THE CIRCUS IN BRUNSWICK
5. The dangerous and angry antics of "Tater's Knowledgable No-see-ums. (We're obviously not ready for trained gnats!)
4. "The Glynn County Traffic Planners Round-A-Bout of Safety & Confusion"
3. "Juggling Bankers"...using the federal bail=out money that we can't touch!
2. "Joe Willie's Mambo Dancing Manatees"
And the Top Act Turned Down By The Circus: From Pamplona Spain, "The Running Of Bull's Blackberry". (They couldn't work things out with Craig and his list.)
5. The dangerous and angry antics of "Tater's Knowledgable No-see-ums. (We're obviously not ready for trained gnats!)
4. "The Glynn County Traffic Planners Round-A-Bout of Safety & Confusion"
3. "Juggling Bankers"...using the federal bail=out money that we can't touch!
2. "Joe Willie's Mambo Dancing Manatees"
And the Top Act Turned Down By The Circus: From Pamplona Spain, "The Running Of Bull's Blackberry". (They couldn't work things out with Craig and his list.)
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
THE BOOK REPORT
Students at a local school were assigned to read 2 books, 'Titanic' and 'My Life' by
Bill Clinton.
Bill Clinton.
One student turned in the following book report,
With the proposition that they were nearly identical stories!
His cool professor gave him an A+ for this report.
Titanic:....... Cost - $29.99
Clinton :..... Cost - $29.99
Titanic:..... Over 3 hours to read
Clinton :.... Over 3 hours to read
Titanic:..... The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton :... The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic:.. In one scene, Jack enjoys a good cigar.
Clinton :.... Ditto for Bill.
Titanic:..... During the ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined.
Clinton ... Ditto for Monica.
Titanic:..... Rose gets to keep her jewelry.
Clinton :... Monica' s forced to return her gifts.
Titanic:...... Rose remembers Jack for the rest of her life.
Clinton :..... Clinton doesn't remember Jack.
Titanic:...... Jack surrenders to an icy death.
Clinton :..... Bill goes home to Hillary - basically the same thing
Friday, March 6, 2009
Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: A Letter To The IRS
Dear IRS,
I am sorry to inform you that I will not be able to pay taxes owed April 15, but all is not lost. I have paid these taxes: accounts receivable tax, building permit tax, CDL tax, cigarette tax, corporate income tax, dog licence tax, unemployment tax, gasoline tax, hunting licence tax, fishing licence tax, waterfowl stamp tax, inheritance tax, inventory tax, liquor tax, luxury tax, medicare tax, city, school and county property tax (up 33 percent last 4 years), real estate tax, social security tax, road usage tax, toll road tax, state and city sales tax, recreational vehicle tax, state franchise tax, state unemployment tax, telephone federal excise tax, telephone federal state and local surcharge tax, telephone minimum usage surcharge tax, telephone state and local tax, utility tax, vehicle licence registration tax, capitol gains tax, lease severance tax, oil and gas tax.
When you do not receive my check April 15, just know that it is an honest mistake.
Please just treat me the same way you treated Congressmen Charles Rangle, Chris Dodd, Barney Frank and ex-Congressman Tom Dashelle and, of course, your boss Timothy Geithner. -- No penalties and no interest.
P.S. I will make at least a partial payment as soon as I get my stimulus check.
I am sorry to inform you that I will not be able to pay taxes owed April 15, but all is not lost. I have paid these taxes: accounts receivable tax, building permit tax, CDL tax, cigarette tax, corporate income tax, dog licence tax, unemployment tax, gasoline tax, hunting licence tax, fishing licence tax, waterfowl stamp tax, inheritance tax, inventory tax, liquor tax, luxury tax, medicare tax, city, school and county property tax (up 33 percent last 4 years), real estate tax, social security tax, road usage tax, toll road tax, state and city sales tax, recreational vehicle tax, state franchise tax, state unemployment tax, telephone federal excise tax, telephone federal state and local surcharge tax, telephone minimum usage surcharge tax, telephone state and local tax, utility tax, vehicle licence registration tax, capitol gains tax, lease severance tax, oil and gas tax.
When you do not receive my check April 15, just know that it is an honest mistake.
Please just treat me the same way you treated Congressmen Charles Rangle, Chris Dodd, Barney Frank and ex-Congressman Tom Dashelle and, of course, your boss Timothy Geithner. -- No penalties and no interest.
P.S. I will make at least a partial payment as soon as I get my stimulus check.
PEOPLE ASK WHY?
Why I Carry a Gun
My old grandpa said to me son,' there comes a time in every man's life when he stops bustin' knuckles and starts bustin' caps and usually it's when he becomes too old to take an ass whoopin'.
I don't carry a gun to kill people.
I carry a gun to keep from being killed.
I don't carry a gun to scare people.
I carry a gun because sometimes this world can be a scary place.
I don't carry a gun because I'm paranoid.
I carry a gun because there are real threats in the world.
I don't carry a gun because I'm evil.
I carry a gun because I have lived long enough to see the evil in the world.
I don't carry a gun because I hate the government.
I carry a gun because I understand the limitations of government.
I don't carry a gun because I'm angry.
I carry a gun so that I don't have to spend the rest of my life hating myself for failing to be prepared.
I don't carry a gun because I want to shoot someone.
I carry a gun because I want to die at a ripe old age in my bed,
and not on a sidewalk somewhere tomorrow afternoon.
I don't carry a gun because I'm a cowboy.
I carry a gun because, when I die and go to heaven, I want to be a cowboy.
I don't carry a gun to make me feel like a man.
I carry a gun because men know how to take care of themselves and the ones they love.
I don't carry a gun because I feel inadequate.
I carry a gun because unarmed and facing three armed thugs, I am inadequate.
I don't carry a gun because I love it.
I carry a gun because I love life and the people who make it meaningful to me.
Police Protection is an oxymoron.
Free citizens must protect themselves.
Police do not protect you from crime, they usually just investigate the crime after it happens and then call someone in to clean up the mess.
Personally, I carry a gun because I'm too young to die and too old to take an ass whoopin'.
He's a firm believer of the 2nd Amendment!
If you are too, please forward.
Why I Carry a Gun
My old grandpa said to me son,' there comes a time in every man's life when he stops bustin' knuckles and starts bustin' caps and usually it's when he becomes too old to take an ass whoopin'.
I don't carry a gun to kill people.
I carry a gun to keep from being killed.
I don't carry a gun to scare people.
I carry a gun because sometimes this world can be a scary place.
I don't carry a gun because I'm paranoid.
I carry a gun because there are real threats in the world.
I don't carry a gun because I'm evil.
I carry a gun because I have lived long enough to see the evil in the world.
I don't carry a gun because I hate the government.
I carry a gun because I understand the limitations of government.
I don't carry a gun because I'm angry.
I carry a gun so that I don't have to spend the rest of my life hating myself for failing to be prepared.
I don't carry a gun because I want to shoot someone.
I carry a gun because I want to die at a ripe old age in my bed,
and not on a sidewalk somewhere tomorrow afternoon.
I don't carry a gun because I'm a cowboy.
I carry a gun because, when I die and go to heaven, I want to be a cowboy.
I don't carry a gun to make me feel like a man.
I carry a gun because men know how to take care of themselves and the ones they love.
I don't carry a gun because I feel inadequate.
I carry a gun because unarmed and facing three armed thugs, I am inadequate.
I don't carry a gun because I love it.
I carry a gun because I love life and the people who make it meaningful to me.
Police Protection is an oxymoron.
Free citizens must protect themselves.
Police do not protect you from crime, they usually just investigate the crime after it happens and then call someone in to clean up the mess.
Personally, I carry a gun because I'm too young to die and too old to take an ass whoopin'.
He's a firm believer of the 2nd Amendment!
If you are too, please forward.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: How To Call The Police
HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.
George Phillips, an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked 'Is someone in your house?' He said 'No, 'but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me. Then the police dispatcher said 'All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.' George said, 'Okay.' He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again. 'Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them.' and he hung up. Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George, 'I thought you said that you'd shot them!' George said, 'I thought you said there was nobody available!' (True Story) I LOVE IT! Don't mess with old people!!!
George Phillips, an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked 'Is someone in your house?' He said 'No, 'but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me. Then the police dispatcher said 'All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available.' George said, 'Okay.' He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again. 'Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them.' and he hung up. Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George, 'I thought you said that you'd shot them!' George said, 'I thought you said there was nobody available!' (True Story) I LOVE IT! Don't mess with old people!!!
Monday, March 2, 2009
Joe WIllie On The Shrimpbox: This Is Priceless!
THIS IS PRICELESS!!???
> After being interviewed by the school administration, the
> teaching prospect said, 'Let me see if I've got this
> right: 'You want me to go into that room with all those
> kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for
> signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their
> T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning.
> You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war
> on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their
> sense of self esteem and personal pride. 'You want me to
> teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship
> and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a
> checkbook, and apply for a job. You want me to check their
> heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and
> make sure that they all pass the state exams. 'You want?
> me to provide them with an equal education regardless of
> their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their
> parents by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.
> 'You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a
> blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and
> a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.?? You
> want me to do all this and then you tell me.................
>
> ???????? 'I CAN'T PRAY?'
> After being interviewed by the school administration, the
> teaching prospect said, 'Let me see if I've got this
> right: 'You want me to go into that room with all those
> kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for
> signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their
> T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning.
> You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war
> on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their
> sense of self esteem and personal pride. 'You want me to
> teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship
> and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a
> checkbook, and apply for a job. You want me to check their
> heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and
> make sure that they all pass the state exams. 'You want?
> me to provide them with an equal education regardless of
> their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their
> parents by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.
> 'You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a
> blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and
> a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.?? You
> want me to do all this and then you tell me.................
>
> ???????? 'I CAN'T PRAY?'
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