Thursday, April 30, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Backpacks at Disney

I just back from Disney World and I have one question: "When did we become the land of backpackers?" What's up with all of these folks at Disney World lugging around heavy backpacks? What's so darn important that you have to carry it around all day? I saw folks pulling out sandwichs, carrot sticks, cheese sticks, sippy drinks, bottles of water, extra clothing, etc... I say if you can't put it in your pockets you don't need to carry it! Too much stuff? Get cargo pants or cargo shorts with even more pcokets. If it still can't's too much! You just can't enjoy an amusement prk when you're too busy being a beast of burden. If you can't afford to buy a bottle of water or food at Disney you really shouldn't go in the first place. Be cool! Don't be a pack mule! If you can't pack it in your pocket...don't take it!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Pecans In The Cemetery

On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.
'One for you, one for me One for you, one for me,' said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.
Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.'
He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.
'Come here quick,' said the boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls.'
The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.
Standing by the fence they heard , 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.'
The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth..Let's see if we can see the Lord.'
Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.
At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done.'
They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike.
SMILE, God Loves You

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Why Containment and Not Cleanup?

I hear that the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency will award our community $5 million to $10 million for containment of the toxic chemicals at the old Brunswick Wood Preserving property on Perry Lane Road. It's been a federal Superfund site for a few years. They used to treat power poles out there with all kinds of hamful cancer causing chemicals like creosote, PCP, and dioxin.
Now we're getting millions of dollars to keep it contained. We're talking containment and not clean-up. Huh! I don't get it! Why not clean the mess up?
If you had an overflow in your bathroom you'd probably want to clean it up instead of just containing it. Our government obviously has a different idea. The EPA's idea would be to just contain it. That means they think you should just maybe throw a rug over the overflowed mess and keep people out for a while. At some point you could re-open the bathroom and use it, but not as a bathroom. What? Put the TV on the potty and use it as a TV stand? Come on! It's still gonna stink! Bottom line! Don't just contain it! Clean it!!!!!

Friday, April 10, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Basic Socialism


An economics professor at Texas Tech said he had never failed a single student before but had, once, failed entire class. That class had insisted that socialism worked and that no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer. The professor then said ok, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism. All grades would be averaged and everyone would receive the same grade so no one would fail and no one would receive an A. After the first test the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who studied hard were upset and the students who studied little were happy. But, as the second test rolled around, the students who studied little had studied even less and the ones who studied hard decided they wanted a free ride too; so they studied little.. The second test average was a D! No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around theaverage was an F. The scores never increased as bickering, blame, name calling all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for the benefit of anyone else. All failed, to their great surprise, and the professor told them that socialism would also ultimately fail because when the reward is great, the effort to succeed is great; but when government takes all the reward away; no one will try or want to succeed. Could not be any simpler than that...............

Monday, April 6, 2009

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: The Spoiled Under - 30 Crowd


If you are 30 or older you will think this is hilarious!!!!
When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears
with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they
were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school
every morning
Uphill... Barefoot...
BOTH ways
Yadda, yadda, yadda
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up,
there was no way in hell I was going to lay
a bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had
and how easy they ' ve got it!
But now that... I ' m over the ripe old age of
thirty, I can ' t help but look around and notice the youth of toda y.
You ' ve got it so easy! I mean, compared to my
childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!
And I hate to say it but you kids today you
don ' t know how good you ' ve got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn ' t have The Internet. If we
wanted to know something, We had to go to the damn library and
look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!!
There was no email!! We had to actually write
somebody a letter, with a pen!
Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in
the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps
were 10 cents!
Child Protective Services didn ' t care if our parents beat us. As
a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission
to kick our butts! No where was safe!
There were no MP3 ' S or Napsters! You wanted to
steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and
shoplift it yourself!
Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the
DJ ' d usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up!
There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We ' d
play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished and the tape
would come undone. ' cause that ' S how we rolled, dig?
We didn ' t have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you
were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal,
that ' S it!
And we didn ' t have fancy Caller ID either!
When the phone rang, you had no idea who it w as! It could be your
school, your mom, you R boss, your Bookie, your drug dealer, a collections
agent, you just didn ' t know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
We didn ' t have any fancy Sony Playstation video
games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600!
With games like ' Space Invaders ' and ' asteroids ' . Your guy was a little
square! You actually had to use your imagination!! And there were no multiple
levels or screens, it was just one screen forever!
And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!
You had to use a li ttle book called a TV Guide to find out what was
on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to
get off your butt and walk over to the TV to change the channel!
There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons
on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I ' m saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK
for cartoons, you spoiled little brats.
And if we didn ' t have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we
had to use the stove ... Imagine that!
That ' s exactly what I ' m talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. ;
You ' re spoiled. You guys wouldn ' t have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or before!

The over 30 Crowd