Since we are not going to get gasoline back to $1.50 per gallon and coffee to $2.00 per pound maybe this would be a solution we could live with.
DIVORCE AGREEMENT -- This is so incredibly well-put, and I can hardly believe it's by a young person, a student!! Whatever he runs for, I'll vote for him!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, regressives, Marxists, and Obama supporters, et. al.:
We have stuck together since the late 1950s for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course.
Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way.
Here is a model separation agreement:
1. Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by land mass, each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy. Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides had such distinct and disparate tastes.
2. We don't like redistributive taxes, so you can keep them.
3. You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU.
4. Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA, and the military.
5. We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and you can go with wind, solar, and bio-diesel.
6. You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore, and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them.
7. We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart, and Wall Street.
8. You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless homeboys, hippies, druggies, and illegal aliens.
9. We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks.
10. We'll keep the Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood .
11. You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us.
12. You can have the peace-niks and war protesters. When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security.
13. We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values.
14. You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness, and Shirley McLain. You can also have the U.N., but we will no longer be paying the bill.
15. We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks, and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Subaru station wagon you can find.
16. You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors..
17. We'll continue to believe healthcare is an earned luxury and not a right.
18. We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem."
19. I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya," or "We Are the World".
20. We'll practice trickledown economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot.
21. Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our constitution and our flag.
22. Would you agree to this? If so, please pass it along to other like-minded liberal and conservative patriots and if you do not agree, just hit delete. In the spirit of friendly parting, I'll bet you answer which one of us will need whose help in 15 years.
Sincerely,
John J. Wall
Law Student and an American
P.S.: Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin Sheen, Barbara Streisand, and Jane Fonda with you.
P.S.S..: And you won't have to "Press 1 for English" when you call our country.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Call to God
GOD'S "PHONE" NUMBER
Hello God, I called tonight
To talk a little while I need a friend who'll listen
To my anxiety and trial.
You see, I can't quite make it
Through a day just on my own...
I need your love to guide me,
So I'll never feel alone.
I want to ask you please to keep,
My family safe and sound.
Come and fill their lives with confidence
For whatever fate they're bound.
Give me faith, dear God, to face Each hour throughout the day,
And not to worry over things
I can't change in any way.
I thank you God, for being home
And listening to my call,
For giving me such good advice
When I stumble and fall.. !!!!!!! Your number,
God, is the only one
That answers every time.
I never get a busy signal,
Never had to pay a dime.
So thank you, God, for listening
To my troubles and my sorrow.
Good night, God, I love You, too,
And I'll call again tomorrow!
P.S. Please bless all my friends and family too.
Hello God, I called tonight
To talk a little while I need a friend who'll listen
To my anxiety and trial.
You see, I can't quite make it
Through a day just on my own...
I need your love to guide me,
So I'll never feel alone.
I want to ask you please to keep,
My family safe and sound.
Come and fill their lives with confidence
For whatever fate they're bound.
Give me faith, dear God, to face Each hour throughout the day,
And not to worry over things
I can't change in any way.
I thank you God, for being home
And listening to my call,
For giving me such good advice
When I stumble and fall.. !!!!!!! Your number,
God, is the only one
That answers every time.
I never get a busy signal,
Never had to pay a dime.
So thank you, God, for listening
To my troubles and my sorrow.
Good night, God, I love You, too,
And I'll call again tomorrow!
P.S. Please bless all my friends and family too.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Bill Cosby "83 and Tired"
Bill Cosby "I'm 83 and Tired"
"I'm 83 and I'm Tired"
I'm 83. Except for brief period in the 50's when I was doing my National
Service,I've worked hard since I was 17. Except for some some serious
health challenges,I put in 50-hour weeks, and didn't call in sick in nearly
40 years. I made a reasonable salary,but I didn't inherit my job or my
income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy,it looks as
though retirement was a bad idea, and I'm tired. Very tired.
I'm tired of being told that I have to "spread the wealth" to people who
don't have my work ethic. I'm tired of being told the government will take
the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy
to earn it.
I'm tired of being told that Islam is a "Religion of Peace," when every day I
can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and
daughters for their family "honor"; of Muslims rioting over some slight
offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren't
"believers"; of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning
teenage rape victims to death for "adultery"; of Muslims mutilating the
genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur'an and
Shari'a law tells them to.
I'm tired of being told that out of "tolerance for other cultures" we must let
Saudi Arabia and other Arab countries use our oil money to fund mosques
and madrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in Australia, New Zealand,
UK, America and Canada, while no one from these countries are allowed to
fund a church, synagogue or religious school in Saudi Arabia or any other
Arab country to teach love and tolerance..
I'm tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global
warming, which no one is allowed to debate.
I'm tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help
support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ
rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses
or stick a needle in their arm while they tried to fight it off?
I'm tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers and politicians of all
parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful
mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting
caught. I'm tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor.
I'm really tired of people who don't take responsibility for their lives and
actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination
or big-whatever for their problems.
I'm also tired and fed up with seeing young men and women in their teens and early 20's be-deck them selves in tattoos and face studs, thereby making
themselves un-employable and claiming money from the Government.
Yes, I'm damn tired. But I'm also glad to be 83.. Because, mostly, I'm not
going to have to see the world these people are making. I'm just sorry for
my granddaughter and their children. Thank God I'm on the way out and not
on the way in.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Joe Willie On the Shrimpbox: Copper - The Truth
Copper Wire Discovered
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year outside of New York City , New York scientists found traces of copper cable dating back 100 years. They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a Los Angeles , California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet somewhere just outside Oceanside . Shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: " California archaeologists report a finding of 200 year old copper cable, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."
One week later, a local newspaper in Atlanta , Ga. reported the following: "After digging down about 30 feet deep in his pasture near the community of Social Circle , Bubba, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Georgia had already gone wireless".
Just makes a person proud to be from Georgia ..
After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year outside of New York City , New York scientists found traces of copper cable dating back 100 years. They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.
Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a Los Angeles , California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet somewhere just outside Oceanside . Shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: " California archaeologists report a finding of 200 year old copper cable, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers."
One week later, a local newspaper in Atlanta , Ga. reported the following: "After digging down about 30 feet deep in his pasture near the community of Social Circle , Bubba, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Georgia had already gone wireless".
Just makes a person proud to be from Georgia ..
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Turkey Awards
TURKEY AWARDS: WHO’S BEEN THE BIGGEST TURKEY:
OUR FEDERAL GOVERNEMENT FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO COME TO TERMS ON THE DEFICIT. EASY SOLUTION – DO WHAT WE TAXPAYERS HAVE HAD TO DO…GET ALONG WITH LESS! MAKE THE CUTS AND MOVE FORWARD! ALSO, WHY HAVEN’T WE CUT OFF A DAY OF MAIL DELIVERY? MY 13 YEAR OLD SON, JOJO, COULD GET IN THERE AND FIX THEIR PROBLEMS! IT AIN’T ROCKET SCIENCE
THE JOINT WATER AND SEWER COMMISSION FOR WANTING TO HIRE A PUBLIC RELATIONS PERSON AT THE TUNE OF 30 – 40 THOUSAND A YEAR…SAY WHAT? THEY SAY THEY WANT TO HELP REPAIR AND RESTORE THEIR IMAGE…MY WIFE, ROBBIE SUE, SAID IT BEST: “HIRING A PR PERSON USUSUALLY MEANS THAT YOU’RE TRYING TO HIDE SOMETHING”
COPPER THEIVES…COME ON!...THERE’S PLENTY OF ALUMINUM CANS OUT THERE.
ANYONE AT PENN STATE THAT HAD ANY KNOWLEDGE OF WHAT THAT SCUMBAG, CHILD PREDATOR, HAD BEEN DOING. THEY SHOULD ALL GO TO JAIL FOR BEING ACCOMPLICES…AND THAT INCLUDES JOE PA PATERNO. YOU CAN’T JUST LOOK THE OTHER WAY!
THE GLYNN COUNTY COMMISSION…WHAT A FULL PLATE! FOR FORGETTING THAT SPLOST IS SUPPOSED TO BE FOR SPECIAL PURPOSES AND NOT STUFF LIKE POLICE CARS AND FIRE EQUIPMENT THAT SHOULD HAVE ALREADY BEEN IN THE BUDGET. FOR MUCKING UP THE ALTAMAHA PARK BY APPOINTING UN-QUALIFIED, ILL-INFORMED, LOUDMOUTHS, TO REPLACE PEOPLE THAT ACTUALLY GIVE A DARN ABOUT THAT PLACE…AND LET’S FORGET ABOUT THE NEW RATES THAT HAVE MADE OUR TAX FINANCED NEW POSTELL PARK UN-AFFORADABLE FOR MOST OF THE VENDORS THAT HAVE ALWAYS PARTICIPATED IN ARTS SHOWS AND ANTIQUE SHOWS.
OUR FEDERAL GOVERNEMENT FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO COME TO TERMS ON THE DEFICIT. EASY SOLUTION – DO WHAT WE TAXPAYERS HAVE HAD TO DO…GET ALONG WITH LESS! MAKE THE CUTS AND MOVE FORWARD! ALSO, WHY HAVEN’T WE CUT OFF A DAY OF MAIL DELIVERY? MY 13 YEAR OLD SON, JOJO, COULD GET IN THERE AND FIX THEIR PROBLEMS! IT AIN’T ROCKET SCIENCE
THE JOINT WATER AND SEWER COMMISSION FOR WANTING TO HIRE A PUBLIC RELATIONS PERSON AT THE TUNE OF 30 – 40 THOUSAND A YEAR…SAY WHAT? THEY SAY THEY WANT TO HELP REPAIR AND RESTORE THEIR IMAGE…MY WIFE, ROBBIE SUE, SAID IT BEST: “HIRING A PR PERSON USUSUALLY MEANS THAT YOU’RE TRYING TO HIDE SOMETHING”
COPPER THEIVES…COME ON!...THERE’S PLENTY OF ALUMINUM CANS OUT THERE.
ANYONE AT PENN STATE THAT HAD ANY KNOWLEDGE OF WHAT THAT SCUMBAG, CHILD PREDATOR, HAD BEEN DOING. THEY SHOULD ALL GO TO JAIL FOR BEING ACCOMPLICES…AND THAT INCLUDES JOE PA PATERNO. YOU CAN’T JUST LOOK THE OTHER WAY!
THE GLYNN COUNTY COMMISSION…WHAT A FULL PLATE! FOR FORGETTING THAT SPLOST IS SUPPOSED TO BE FOR SPECIAL PURPOSES AND NOT STUFF LIKE POLICE CARS AND FIRE EQUIPMENT THAT SHOULD HAVE ALREADY BEEN IN THE BUDGET. FOR MUCKING UP THE ALTAMAHA PARK BY APPOINTING UN-QUALIFIED, ILL-INFORMED, LOUDMOUTHS, TO REPLACE PEOPLE THAT ACTUALLY GIVE A DARN ABOUT THAT PLACE…AND LET’S FORGET ABOUT THE NEW RATES THAT HAVE MADE OUR TAX FINANCED NEW POSTELL PARK UN-AFFORADABLE FOR MOST OF THE VENDORS THAT HAVE ALWAYS PARTICIPATED IN ARTS SHOWS AND ANTIQUE SHOWS.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Joe Willie Sousa: Recall Notice
RECALL NOTICE:
The Maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.
This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units, code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed "Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality," or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.
Some of the symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect.
The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.
The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.
Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.
No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self-control
Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.
DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.
Thank you for your attention!
GOD
P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by 'Knee mail'!
Because He Lives!
The Maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.
This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units, code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed "Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality," or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.
Some of the symptoms include:
1. Loss of direction
2. Foul vocal emissions
3. Amnesia of origin
4. Lack of peace and joy
5. Selfish or violent behavior
6. Depression or confusion in the mental component
7. Fearfulness
8. Idolatry
9. Rebellion
The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect.
The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.
The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.
Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.
No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
1. Love
2. Joy
3. Peace
4. Patience
5. Kindness
6. Goodness
7. Faithfulness
8. Gentleness
9. Self-control
Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.
DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.
Thank you for your attention!
GOD
P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by 'Knee mail'!
Because He Lives!
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Political Flow Chart
The political flow chart
When top level guys look down, they see only poopie heads.
When bottom level guys look up, they see only butts.
Have you ever seen a flow chart presented so accurately?
When top level guys look down, they see only poopie heads.
When bottom level guys look up, they see only butts.
Have you ever seen a flow chart presented so accurately?
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