Friday, December 26, 2008

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Top 9 Returned Christmas Gifts

Top 9 returned Christmas gifts

9. Li'l Naturalist Hornet Farm.

8. The Duncan Yo -- Goes down, never comes back. Teaches children about warranties.
7. The "Learn About Puberty Chia Pet"

6. Supersoaker 9000: For use on those hard to reach targets; NFL referees, low flying planes, and many more. At close range it can strip paint, clean rusty grills, and dig utility trenches.

5. Doggie Dentist -- Kids learn about dentistry on the family pooch.

4. Cuisin-Art -- Turns mommy's food processor into a spinning paint tool.

3. Water Retention Wanda -- Teaches kids the principles of the calendar.

2. The Jekyll Island re-development game…kinda like Monopoly…get past Jeff Chapman to collect your money.

And this year's top returned Christmas Gift...

The Arco working Girl Barbie play set…crack sold separately.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: 45 Life Lessons

45 Life Lessons"This was written By Regina Brett of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio .

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written. My odometer rolls over to 70 in August, so here goes:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's okay to get angry with G~d. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11 . Make peace with your past, so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's okay to let your children see you cry. 1
3. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; G~d never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful, or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you, really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and up to no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29 What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. G~d loves you because of who G~d is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved. 3

9. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: A New Christmas Poem

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.

The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know, Then the
sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.

Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.

'What are you doing?' I asked without fear,
'Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!'
For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..

To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said 'Its really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night.'
'It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.

No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at ' Pearl on a day in December,'
Then he sighed, 'That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers.'
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of ' Nam ',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.

I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.
Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... an American flag.
I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.

I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall.'

' So go back inside,' he said, 'harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right.'
'But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
'Give you money,' I asked, 'or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son.'

Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
'Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us.'

PLEASE, would you do me the kind favor of sending this to as many
people as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and some credit is due to our
U.S service men and women for our being able to celebrate these
festivities. Let's try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what we owe. Make people
stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who sacrificed themselves for us.

LCDR Jeff Giles, SC, USN
30th Naval Construction Regiment
OIC, Logistics Cell One
Al Taqqadum, Iraq

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: A True Redneck - this isn't your typical redneck joke.

A True Redneck - this isn't your typical redneck joke.

We have enjoyed the redneck jokes for years. It's time to take a reflective look at the core beliefs of a culture that values home, family, country and God. If I had to stand before a dozen terrorists who threaten my life, I'd choose a half dozen or so rednecks to back me up. Tire irons, squirrel guns and grit -- that's what rednecks are made of. I hope I am one of those. Ya'll know who ya are.

You might be a redneck if:
It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase,
'One nation, under God.'

You might be a redneck if:
You've never protested about seeing
the 10 Commandments posted in public places.

You might be a redneck if:
You still say
' Christmas' instead of 'Winter Festival.'

You might be a redneck if:
You bow your head when someone prays.

You might be a redneck if:
You stand and place your hand over your heart
when they play the National Anthem.

You might be a redneck if:
You treat our armed forces veterans with great respect,
and always have.

You might be a redneck if:
You've never burned an American flag, nor intend to.

You might be a redneck if:
You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to say so,
no matter who is listening.

You might be a redneck if:
You respect your elders and raised your kids to do the same.

You might be a redneck if:
You'd give your last dollar to a friend.

If you got this email from me, it is because I believe that you,
like me, have just enough
Red Neck in you to have the same beliefs
as those talked about in this email.

God Bless the USA !



Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Go Figure"

Back in 1990 the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it.

They failed, and it closed.

Now we are entrusting our banking system and the economy of our country to the same nit-wits who couldn't make money running a cat house and selling whiskey

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Top 9 office Party Faux-paus

The Top 9 Office Party Faux-Paus

9. Playing "Slam-Dunk The Cheeseball" into the punchbowl,

8. Performing your famous "Counting Spare Change With Your Finger Through Your Fly" trick.

7. Mistletoe strategically placed in the "fig leaf" region . (unacceptable)

6. Wearing a button that says, "Don't Worry. It's Just The Alcohol." not good

5. Just because you do more than one job at work doesn't entitle you to more than one turn at
the gift exchange.

4. Office supplies...not a good gift.

3. Bobbing for "anything" in the eggnog is unacceptable.

2. Puking before the boss does.

...And The Top Office Party Faux-Paus...

Wearing those stupid red Christmas stockings that Tater wore at the Brunswick Christmas

Monday, December 8, 2008

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Now More Than Ever"

Radio consultant Bob Quick said it best.

Positive attitudes are contagious. Now more than ever we need to project positive attitudes...on-air, on-the-street, within the walls of where you work.
We are greeted with bad news everyday about the economy, one of the two wars America is fighting, the recent events in India, you name it. Not to mention the poor earnings and missed goals within our own companies. We, as a nation, cannot get through these tough times without the “can-do” attitude that has served us so well in the past.
It got us through the Great Depression, World War II, the civil unrest of the '60s, and most recently 9/11.
The economy is cyclical, so is politics and wars come and go. We need to remember that where we are today will not be where we are in a year.
This too shall pass, there is no sense dwelling on it, face it with a positive attitude and at least it will be more bearable for everyone around you.