Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Go Figure"

Back in 1990 the Government seized the Mustang Ranch brothel in Nevada for tax evasion and, as required by law, tried to run it.

They failed, and it closed.

Now we are entrusting our banking system and the economy of our country to the same nit-wits who couldn't make money running a cat house and selling whiskey

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Top 9 office Party Faux-paus

The Top 9 Office Party Faux-Paus

9. Playing "Slam-Dunk The Cheeseball" into the punchbowl,

8. Performing your famous "Counting Spare Change With Your Finger Through Your Fly" trick.

7. Mistletoe strategically placed in the "fig leaf" region . (unacceptable)

6. Wearing a button that says, "Don't Worry. It's Just The Alcohol." not good

5. Just because you do more than one job at work doesn't entitle you to more than one turn at
the gift exchange.

4. Office supplies...not a good gift.

3. Bobbing for "anything" in the eggnog is unacceptable.

2. Puking before the boss does.

...And The Top Office Party Faux-Paus...

Wearing those stupid red Christmas stockings that Tater wore at the Brunswick Christmas
Parade.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Now More Than Ever"

Radio consultant Bob Quick said it best.


Positive attitudes are contagious. Now more than ever we need to project positive attitudes...on-air, on-the-street, within the walls of where you work.
We are greeted with bad news everyday about the economy, one of the two wars America is fighting, the recent events in India, you name it. Not to mention the poor earnings and missed goals within our own companies. We, as a nation, cannot get through these tough times without the “can-do” attitude that has served us so well in the past.
It got us through the Great Depression, World War II, the civil unrest of the '60s, and most recently 9/11.
The economy is cyclical, so is politics and wars come and go. We need to remember that where we are today will not be where we are in a year.
This too shall pass, there is no sense dwelling on it, face it with a positive attitude and at least it will be more bearable for everyone around you.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "A Dummies' Guide For Dummies"

"A Dummies' Guide For Dummies"

Don't throw a brick straight up.

Don't take long naps while driving.

Walk around toxic waste dumps, not through
them.

Your body has the correct number of holes in it.
Don't make any more.

Don't microwave yourself too often.

Don't stick body parts into electrical outlets.

When using an acetylene torch, don't feel the
flame to see if it's sufficiently hot.

If you're on a ball field and someone shouts
"Heads up!" don't actually raise your head up.
Cover it with your arms and duck.

Don't tie yourself to an airplane propeller.

When you are in bed remember to close your
eyes.

No matter how tempting it is to be one with
nature, stay on the outside of all fences at
the zoo.

When sticking thumb tacks into bulletin boards,
press on the flat end.

Under no circumstances should you ever
reproduce.

When you find a prize in a box of "Crackerjacks"
there is no need to report it on your income tax
return.

"Time" magazine is not suitable to wear on your
wrist. Get a watch.

One + one = two. Try to remember that.

Don't count the peas in a can. It is not an exact
science.

If you discover that February only has 28 days,
don't report it to the Consumer Fraud Department.
Likely they will ignore your complaint.

For faster elevator service press the elevator
button many times.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Years To Live"

"Years to Live"

G~d created the mule, and told him, "You will be mule,
working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy
loads on your back. You will eat grass and you lack
intelligence. You will live for 40 years."

The mule answered, "To live like this for 40 years is
too much. Please, give me no more than 20." And it was
so.

Then G~d created the dog, and told him, "You will hold
vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will
be his greatest companion. You will eat his table
scraps and live for 30 years."

And the dog responded, "Lord, to live 30 years as a dog
is too much. Please, no more than 15 years." And it was
so.

G~d then created the monkey, and told him, "You are
Monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree, acting like
an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20
years."

And the monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as
the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give
me no more than 10 years." And it was so.

Finally, G~d created Man and told him, "You are Man,
the only rational being that walks the earth. You will
use your intelligence to have mastery over the
creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and
live for 20 years."

And the man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20
years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 20 years
the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the
10 years the monkey rejected." And it was so.

And so G~d made Man to live 20 years as a man, then
marry and live 20 years like a mule working and
carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have
children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house
and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry;
then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey,
acting like a clown to amuse his grandchildren.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: The Joke's On Us!

Absolutely The Funniest Joke Ever !

ON US



Do you have any memory of the reason given for the establishment of the DEPT. OF ENERGY during the Carter Administration? Anybody? Anything? No? Didn't think so. Bottom line . . . . We've spent several hundred billion dollars in support of an agency the reason for which not one person who reads this can remember.

Ready? It was very simple, and at the time everybody thought it very appropriate.

The Department of Energy was instituted 8-04-1977 TO LESSEN OUR DEPENDENCE ON FOREIGN OIL. HEY, PRETTY EFFICIENT, HUH?



AND NOW IT'S 2008, 31 YEARS LATER, AND THE BUDGET FOR THIS NECESSARY DEPARTMENT IS AT $24.2 BILLION A YEAR, THEY HAVE 16,000 FEDERAL EMPLOYEES, AND APP ROXIMATELY 100,000 CONTRACT EMPLOYEES AND LOOK AT THE JOB THEY HAVE DONE!

THIS IS WHERE YOU SLAP YOUR FOREHEAD AND SAY 'WHAT WAS I THINKING?'

Ah yes, good ole bureaucracy. And And now we are going to turn the Banking system over to them?



God Help us !

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: What I've Learned

A good friend sent this in:

"WHAT I'VE LEARNED SO FAR"

I've learned ...That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I've learned.... That when you're in love, it shows.

I've learned.... That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.

I've learned.... That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.

I've learned.... That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned.... That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I've learned.... That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.

I've learned.... That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.

I've learned.... That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I've learned.... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

I've learned.... That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

I've learned.... That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I've learned.... That money doesn't buy class.

I've learned.... That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.

I've learned... That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I've learned.... That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.

I 've learned.... That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned.... That love, not time, heals all wounds.

I've learned.... That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned... That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.

I've learned.... That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned... That life is tough, but I'm tougher.

I've learned.... That opportunities are never lost, someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned.... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

I've learned.... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I've learned.... That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.

I've learned.... That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned.... That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.

I've learned.... That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

I've learned.... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.