Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: A Recent Email

Here's an email that I recently received:

An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids.

He applies for a janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test.
The human resources manager tells him, 'You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.35 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that we can get you in the loop. Our system will automatically e-mail you all the forms and advise you when to start and where to report on your first day.'

Taken back, the man protests that he is poor and has neither a co mputer nor an e-mail address.

To this the manager replies, 'You must understand that to a company like ours that means that you virtually do not exist. Without an e-mail address you can hardly expect to be employed by a high-tech firm Good day.'

Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having $10 in his wallet, he walks past a farmers' market and sees a stand selling 25 lb. crates of beautiful red tomatoes. He buys a crate, carries it to a busy corner and displays the tomatoes. In less than 2 hours he sells all the tomatoes and makes 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 and arrives home that night with several bags of groceries for his family.

During the night he decides to repeat the tomato business the next day. By the end of the week he is getting up early every day and working into the night He multiplies his profits quickly.

Early in the second week he acquires a cart to transport several boxes of tomatoes at a time, but before a month is up he sells the cart to buy a broken-down pickup truck.

At the end of a year he owns three old trucks. His two sons have left their neighborhood gangs to help him with the tomato business, his wife is buying the tomatoes, and his daughter is taking night courses at the community college so she can keep books for him.

By the end of the second year he has a dozen very nice used trucks and employs fifteen previously unemployed people, all selling tomatoes. He continues to work hard.

Time passes and at the end of the fifth year he owns a fleet of nice trucks and a warehouse that his wife supervises, plus two tomato farms that the boys manage. The tomato company's payroll has put hundreds of homeless and jobless people to work. His daughter reports that the business grossed over one million dollars.

Planning for the future, he decides to buy some life insurance.

Consulting with an insurance adv iser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. Then the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order to send the final documents electronically.

When the man replies that he doesn't have time to mess with a computer and has no e-mail address, the insurance man is stunned, 'What, you don't have e-mail? No computer? No Internet? Just think where you would be today if you'd had all of that five years ago!'

'Ha!' snorts the man. 'If I'd had e-mail five years ago I would be sweeping floors at Microsoft and making $5.35 an hour.'

Which brings us to the moral of the story:

Since you got this story by e-mail, you're probably closer to being a janitor than a millionaire

Sadly, I received it also.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: pigs and lipstick

BARACK OBAMA's campaign says JOHN McCAIN is offering lies, phony outrage and swift boat politics by claiming he made a sexist comment at a rally Tuesday in Virginia. At issues is Obama's comment that you can put lipstick on a pig but it's still a pig. He used that old saying while arguing McCain's economic policies are just like PRESIDENT BUSH's. The McCain camp accused Obama of smearing Governor Palin.
Obama's campaign points out that McCain has used that phrase himself , most recently while talking about HILLARY CLINTON. That is, while talking about Hillary Clinton's policies.

Does anyone really believe that Obama called Sarah Palin a pig? Don't be silly.
This was not an insult as much as it was ill-advised and a very ill-conceived line because it opened the door for political opportunism. We're in a touchy place: The area where you can't go too heavy on Obama because he's black or you can't go too heavy because Palin is a woman.
We have to decide whether or not we wanna protect these candidates from intense scrutiny or not, and tough campaigning or not, and whether we will defend these candidates because we've taken a liking to them and then feel personally insulted by comments that get twisted and manipulated by savvy campaign managers who trick you into believing the message they want you to believe. This is what political advisors talk about when they're alone and talking about how deft they are at their craft. These are smart, savvy people --as good as any we've ever seen-- and they know exactly how to move the masses. They know they have great power, and all it takes is one word, one phrase --to cast the impression they want, to get you to think the way they want you to. If they didn't have that kind of power, we'd be talking about issues and not lipstick.
And here's the important lesson, the critical component as this latest emotionally driven non-story demonstrates: Candidates must understand that they are not campaigning against their opponents; they are campaigning against campaign advisers. Beat them and you win the election.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Procedures Concerning Storm and Office Closings

Procedures Concerning Storm and Office Closings

As we watch the progress of the storm, the following are the firm's guidelines based upon the hurricane's intensity:

Hurricane Category #1
No excuse for being late. Leave earlier to give extra time to
avoid fallen trees and limbs.


Hurricane Category #2
Due to the horizontal rain, you may wear jeans.


Hurricane Category #3
Whereas most of the area will be flooded we suggest you
avoid wearing open toe sandals when coming to work. Canoes will be
provided to get to the building safely without getting wet.


Hurricane Category #4
More than likely there will be no electricity. Given that, we
will have manual typewriters available to all staff members. Please take
extra caution and wear water-proof make-up if Category 4 or above.


Hurricane Category #5
Velcro will be provided to keep you attached to your chairs when
the windows blow out. For those that survive, we will have chocolate
cake at 3:00 pm in the kitchen.


Have A Nice Day!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Take Down The Birdfeeder

I bought a bird feeder. I hung
it on my back porch and filled
it with seed. What a beauty of
a bird feeder it is, as I filled it
lovingly with seed. Within a
week we had hundreds of birds
taking advantage of the
continuous flow of free and
easily accessible food.

But then the birds started
building nests in the boards
of the patio, above the table,
and next to the barbecue.

Then came the poop. It was
everywhere: on the patio tile,
the chairs, the table ...
everywhere!

Then some of the birds
turned mean. They would
dive bomb me and try to
peck me even though I had
fed them out of my own
pocket.

And other birds were
boisterous and loud. They
sat on the feeder and
squawked and screamed at
all hours of the day and night
and demanded that I fill it
when it got low on food.

After a while, I couldn't even
sit on my own back porch
anymore. So I took down the
bird feeder and in three days
the birds were gone. I cleaned
up their mess and took down
the many nests they had built
all over the patio.

Soon, the back yard was like
it used to be.... quiet, serene
and no one demanding their
rights to a free meal.

Now let's see.
Our government gives out
free food, subsidized housing,
free medical care, and free
education and allows anyone
born here to be an automatic
citizen.

Then the illegals came by the
tens of thousands. Suddenly
our taxes went up to pay for
free services; small apartments
are housing 5 families; you
have to wait 6 hours to be seen
by an emergency room doctor;
your child's 2nd grade class is
behind other schools because
over half the class doesn't speak
English.

Corn Flakes now come in a
bilingual box; I have to
'press one' to hear my bank
talk to me in English, and
people waving flags other
than 'Old Glory' are
squawking and screaming
in the streets, demanding
more rights and free liberties.

Just my opinion, but maybe
it's time for the government
to take down the bird feeder.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Jay Leno on President Bush

A friend of mine sent this in:

Subject: Jay Leno on President Bush
I thought this was good. I'm like Jay--not enthralled with Bush but like he says, no matter your political leanings, this is good to remember and think about.



No matter what your political convictions are
this is eye opener....
What a thankless people we are!!!

Subject: Jay Leno on President Bush
(Surprising)
Jay Leno wrote this; it's the Jay Leno we don't often see....

' As most of you know I am not a President
Bush fan, nor have I ever been, but this is not
about Bush, it is about us, as Americans, and it
seems to hit the mark
'The other day I was reading Newsweek
magazine and came across some Poll data I found
rather hard to believe. It must be true given
the source, right?
The Newsweek poll alleges that 67
percent of Americans are unhappy with the
direction the country is headed and 69 percent of
the country is unhappy with the performance of
the President. In essence 2/3 of the citizenry
just ain't happy and want a change. So being the
knuckle drag ger I am, I started thinking, 'What
are we so unhappy about?''

A.. Is it that we have electricity and
running water 24 hours a day, 7 Days a week?

B.. Is our unhappiness the result of
having air conditioning in the summer and heating
in the wi nter?

C.. Could it be that 95.4 percent of
these unhappy folks have a job?

D.. Maybe it is the ability to walk
into a grocery store at any time and see more
food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last
year?

E.. Maybe it is the ability to drive our
cars and trucks from the Pacific Ocean to t he
Atlantic Ocean without having to present
identification papers as we move through each
state?

F.. Or possibly the hundreds of clean
and safe motels we would find along the way that
can provide temporary shelter?

G.. I gu ess having thousands of
restaurants with varying cuisine from around the
world is just not good enough either.

H. Or could it be that when we wreck
our car, emergency workers show up and provide
services to help all and even send a helicopter
to take you to the hospital.

I.. Perhaps you are one of the 70
percent of Americans who own a home.

J.. You may be upset with knowing that
in the unfortunate case of a fire, a group of
trained firefighters will appear in moments and
use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames,
thus saving you, your family, and your
belongings.< SPAN class=apple-converted-space>

K.. Or if, while at home watching one
of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or
prowler intrudes, an officer equipped with a gun
and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you
and your family against attack or loss.

L.. This all in the backdrop of a
neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and
pilla ging the residents. Neighborhoods where
90% of teenagers own cell phones and computers.

M.. How about the complete religious,
social and political freedoms we enjoy that are
the envy of everyone in the world?

Maybe that is what has 67% of you folks
unhappy.

Fact is, we are the largest group of
u ngrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever
seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S., yet
has a great disdain for its citizens. They see
us for what we are. The most blessed people in
the world who do nothing but complain about what
we don't have, and what we hate about the country
instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.

I know, I know. What about the

president who took us into war and has no plan to
get us out? The president who has a measly 31
percent approval rating? Is this the same
president who guided the nation in the dark days
after 9/11? The president that cut taxes to
bring an ec onomy out of recession? Could this
be the same guy who has been called every name in
the book for succeeding in ke eping all the
spoiled ungrateful brats safe from terrorist
attacks? The commander in chief of an
all-volunteer army that is out there defending
you and me?

Did you hear how bad the President is
on the news or talk show? Did this news affect
you so much, make you so unhappy you couldn't
take a look around for yourself and see all the
good things and be glad? Think about
it......are you upset at the President because he
actually caused you personal pain OR is it
b ecause the 'Media' told you he was failing to
kiss your sorry ungrateful behind every day.
Make no mistake about it.

The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have
volunteered to serve, and in many cases may have
died for your freedom. There is currently no
draft in this country. They didn't have to go.&nb sp;
They are able to refuse t o go and end up with
either a ''general'' discharge, an 'other than
honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a
''dishonorable' ' discharge after a few days in the brig.

So why then the flat-out discontentment
in the minds of 69 percent of Americans?

Say what you want but I blame it on the
media. If it bleeds i t leads and they
specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a
car crash with blood and guts. How many will
watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The
media knows this and media outlets are for-profit
corporations. They offer what sells, and when
criticized, try to defend their actions by
'justifying' them in one way or another.. Just ask
why they tried to allow a murderer like O.J.
Simpson to write a book about how he didn't kill
his wife, but if he did he would have done it
this way......Insane!

Turn off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New
York Times for the bottom of you r bird cage.
Then start being grateful for all we have as
country. There is exponentially more good than
bad. W e are among the most blessed people on
Earth and should thank God several times a day,
or at least be thankful and appreciative.' 'With
hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud
slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up
the country from one end to another, and with the
threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks, 'Are we
sure this is a good time to take God out of the
Pledge of Allegiance?'
Jay Leno

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Good Olympic Hosts

A U.S. BEACH VOLLEYBALL PLAYER LOST HER WEDDING RING DURING A MATCH . . . BUT A BUNCH OF VOLUNTEERS HELPED HER FIND IT:


Have you heard of these beach volleyball players, KERRI WALSH and MISTY MAY-TREANOR? They took home the gold for the U.S. at the 2004 Olympics in Athens . . . and they're the U.S.'s best shot for beach volleyball gold this year in Beijing, too.


--Anyway, on Sunday, Kerri and Misty had their first match against a team from Japan . . . and at some point during the match, Kerri Walsh went up to block a spike, and the volleyball knocked her wedding ring completely OFF her finger.


--So the ladies finished smoking the Japanese team, and a few hours later, after all the day's matches were done, a bunch of volunteers got together and combed through 17,000 TONS of sand to help Kerri find her ring . . . which they eventually did.

So what's my point? Kerri's ring was found by a Chinese volunteer. Now, maybe it's just me, but I sort of assumed that the Chinese would be total a-holes as hosts . . . but that couldn't be further from the truth.)


--In fact . . . crazy stabbings aside . . . I'd go so far as to say that the Chinese have been downright gracious in their acceptance of other nations' athletes. I mean, did you hear the way they cheered for the U.S. men's basketball team?


If the Games were in the U.S., we'd have booed the crap out of China's basketball team. I guess what I'm getting at is that it's kind of surprising how cool the Chinese people have been, all things considered, don't you think?

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: A Carrot, an Egg and a Cup of Coffee.

"A Carrot, an Egg and a Cup of Coffee"
{A folklore tale of wisdom}

A young woman went to her mother and told her about
her life and how things were so hard for her. She did
not know how she was going to make it and wanted
to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It
seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots
with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots
came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second
she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee
beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She
fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled
the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.

Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl.
Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you
see."

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the
carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother
then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After
pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee.
The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The
daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had
faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted
differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and
unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the
boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had
protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through
the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however.
After they were in the boiling water, they had changed
the water.

"Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When
adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond?
Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems
strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become
soft and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with
a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I
have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial
hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened
and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside
am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes
the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain.
When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and
flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their
worst, you get better and change the situation around
you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their
greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How
do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a
coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to
keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best
of everything; they just make the most of everything
that comes along their way...the brightest future will
always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go
forward in life until you let go of your past failures and
heartaches.


When you were born, you were crying and everyone
around you was smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is
smiling and everyone around you is crying.