Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: You Don't Always Get The Last Word.

A friend of mine sent this in. It's a great reminder that you don't always get in the last word. Just when you think you can't be topped, you're blindsided!

"Best Divorce letter"

Dear wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving
you. I've been a good man to you for 7 years and
I have nothing to show for it. These last 2 weeks
have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that
you quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice
I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal
and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You
ate in 2 minutes, and went straight to sleep after
watching all of your soaps.

You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't
want sex or anything that connects us as husband
and wife. Either you're cheating on me or you don't
love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are
moving away to West Virginia together! Have
a great life!

<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>*<>


"Best Response to a Divorce Letter"

Dear Ex-Husband

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your
letter. It's true you and I have been married for 7
years, although a good man is a far cry from what
you've been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drown
out your constant whining and griping. Too bad
that doesn't work.

I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week,
but the 1st thing that came to mind was 'You
look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me
not to say anything if you can't say something
nice, I didn't comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you
must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER,
because I stopped eating pork 7 years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from
you because the $49.99 price tag was still on
them, and I prayed it was a coincidence that
my sister had just borrowed $50 from me that
morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt we could
work it out. So when I hit the lotto for 10 million
dollars, I quit my job and bought us 2 tickets to
Jamaica.

But when I got home you were gone. Everything
happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have
the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer
said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't
get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed,
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell And Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my
sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not
a problem.