Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Teacher's Application"

"Teacher's Application"

After being interviewed by the school administration,
the teaching prospect said, 'Let me see if I've got
this right:

You want me to go into that room with all those kids,
correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for
signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor
their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for
learning.

You want me to check their backpacks for weapons,
wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases,
and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.

You want me to teach them patriotism and good
citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how
to register to vote, balance a checkbook and apply
for a job.

You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize
signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure they all
pass the state exams.

You want me to provide them with an equal education
regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly
with their parents by letter, telephone, newsletter, and
report cards.

You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a
blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile,
and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.

You want me to do all this, and then you tell me that
I CAN'T PRAY?'