Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Important Instructions"

"Important Instructions"

The following is from the US Government Peace
Corps Manual for its volunteers who work in the
Amazon Jungle. It tells what to do in case you
are attacked by an anaconda. An anaconda is
the largest snake in the world. It is a relative of
the boa constrictor, it grows to thirty-five feet in
length and weighs between three and four
hundred pounds at the maximum.

This is what the manual said:

1. If you are attacked by an anaconda, do not run.
The snake is faster than you are.

2. Lie flat on the ground. Put your arms tight
against your sides, your legs tight against one
another.

3. Tuck your chin in.

4. The snake will come and begin to nudge and
climb over your body.

5. Do not panic.

6. After the snake has examined you, it will begin
to swallow you from the feet and - always from the
end. Permit the snake to swallow your feet and
ankles. Do not panic.

7. The snake will now begin to suck your legs into
its body. You must lie perfectly still. This will take
a long time.

8. When the snake has reached your knees slowly
and with as little movement as possible, reach
down, take your knife and very gently slide it into
the side of the snake's mouth between the edge
of its mouth and your leg, then suddenly rip
upwards, severing the snake's head.

9. Be sure you have your knife.

10. Be sure your knife is sharp.