Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Why did the chicken truck cross the road.

Teresa Stepzinski wrote the following story in the Thursday, 10/25/07 Georgia Times Union.

"WAYCROSS - Which came first, the chicken truck or the freight train?

Better still, why did the chicken truck try to cross the railroad tracks in front of a train early Wednesday?

The answer came with a bang in a 1:36 a.m. collision that spewed frozen chicken wings for about a block around the railroad crossing at Plant Avenue and Isabella Street in downtown Waycross.

The truck driver and train crew all were uninjured. The crossing and intersection were closed until 8:30 a.m. for the investigation and cleanup."

A friend of mine tried to help with the following e-mail:

Why do you think he crossed the road??
___________________________________________________
DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he
must first deal with his problems on "THIS" side of the road
before it goes after his problems on the "OTHER SIDE" of the road.
What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not
taking on his "CURRENT" problems before adding "NEW" problems.
___________________________________________________
OPRAH:
Well I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he
wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the
chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of
life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive
across the road and not live his life like the rest of the
chickens.
____________________________________________________
GEORGE W BUSH: We don't really care why this chicken crossed the
road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not.
The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle
ground here. ________________ ____________________________________
COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite
image of the chicken crossing the road...
____________________________________________________
ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet
been allowed access to the other side of the road.
____________________________________________________
JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against
it. It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about th e
chicken's intentions.
I am not for it now, and will remain against it. Probably.
___________________________________________ ________
NANCY GRACE:
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it
in his eyes, and in the way he walks.
__________________________________________________
PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.
____________________________________________________
MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me what direction that chicken was going.< /FONT>
I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when
the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any
insider information.
____________________________________________________
DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken - cross the road?
Did he cross it - with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road -
but why it crossed -
I've not been told!
____________________________________________________
ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain.
Alone.
____________________________________________________
JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken is gay! Can't you people see the plain truth
in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other
side." That's why they call it, the "other side." Yes, my friends,
that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will
become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this
abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless
phrases like," the other side." That chicken should not be crossing
the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.
(no disrespect intended to the late minister)
____________________________________________________
GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody
told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
____________________________________________________
BARBARA WALTERS:
In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for
the first time, in its own words, the heart-warming
story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to
accomplish its life long dream, of crossing the road.
____________________________________________________
JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens...
It's easy, if you try...
Crossing roads, together...
Hoping not, to die...
Imagine all, the chickens...
Crossing, roads, in peace....
____________________________________________________
ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
____________________________________________________
BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2000, Millen nium Edition, which will
not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important
documents, and
balance your check book. Internet Explorer is a integral part of
eChicken.
This new platform is much more stable and will never
crack
____________________________________________________
ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move
beneath the chicken?
____________________________________________________
BILL CLINTON:
I did not cross the roa d with that chicken. What is your definition
of chicken?
____________________________________________________
AL GORE:
I invented the chicken!
____________________________________________________
COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?
________________________________________________ ____
DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?