Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Turkey Awards

2011-11-23T10:49:00.000-08:00

TURKEY AWARDS: WHO’S BEEN THE BIGGEST TURKEY:

OUR FEDERAL GOVERNEMENT FOR NOT BEING ABLE TO COME TO TERMS ON THE DEFICIT. EASY SOLUTION – DO WHAT WE TAXPAYERS HAVE HAD TO DO…GET ALONG WITH LESS! MAKE THE CUTS AND MOVE FORWARD! ALSO, WHY HAVEN’T WE CUT OFF A DAY OF MAIL DELIVERY? MY 13 YEAR OLD SON, JOJO, COULD GET IN THERE AND FIX THEIR PROBLEMS! IT AIN’T ROCKET SCIENCE

THE JOINT WATER AND SEWER COMMISSION FOR WANTING TO HIRE A PUBLIC RELATIONS PERSON AT THE TUNE OF 30 – 40 THOUSAND A YEAR…SAY WHAT? THEY SAY THEY WANT TO HELP REPAIR AND RESTORE THEIR IMAGE…MY WIFE, ROBBIE SUE, SAID IT BEST: “HIRING A PR PERSON USUSUALLY MEANS THAT YOU’RE TRYING TO HIDE SOMETHING”

COPPER THEIVES…COME ON!...THERE’S PLENTY OF ALUMINUM CANS OUT THERE.

ANYONE AT PENN STATE THAT HAD ANY KNOWLEDGE OF WHAT THAT SCUMBAG, CHILD PREDATOR, HAD BEEN DOING. THEY SHOULD ALL GO TO JAIL FOR BEING ACCOMPLICES…AND THAT INCLUDES JOE PA PATERNO. YOU CAN’T JUST LOOK THE OTHER WAY!

THE GLYNN COUNTY COMMISSION…WHAT A FULL PLATE! FOR FORGETTING THAT SPLOST IS SUPPOSED TO BE FOR SPECIAL PURPOSES AND NOT STUFF LIKE POLICE CARS AND FIRE EQUIPMENT THAT SHOULD HAVE ALREADY BEEN IN THE BUDGET. FOR MUCKING UP THE ALTAMAHA PARK BY APPOINTING UN-QUALIFIED, ILL-INFORMED, LOUDMOUTHS, TO REPLACE PEOPLE THAT ACTUALLY GIVE A DARN ABOUT THAT PLACE…AND LET’S FORGET ABOUT THE NEW RATES THAT HAVE MADE OUR TAX FINANCED NEW POSTELL PARK UN-AFFORADABLE FOR MOST OF THE VENDORS THAT HAVE ALWAYS PARTICIPATED IN ARTS SHOWS AND ANTIQUE SHOWS.

Joe Willie Sousa: Recall Notice

2011-08-12T07:37:00.000-07:00

RECALL NOTICE:

The Maker of all human beings (GOD) is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to a serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart.

This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units, code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed "Sub-sequential Internal Non-Morality," or more commonly known as S.I.N., as it is primarily expressed.

Some of the symptoms include:

1. Loss of direction

2. Foul vocal emissions

3. Amnesia of origin

4. Lack of peace and joy

5. Selfish or violent behavior

6. Depression or confusion in the mental component

7. Fearfulness

8. Idolatry

9. Rebellion

The Manufacturer, who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory-authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this defect.

The Repair Technician, JESUS, has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.

The number to call for repair in all areas is: P-R-A-Y-E-R.

Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component.

No matter how big or small the SIN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:

1. Love

2. Joy

3. Peace

4. Patience

5. Kindness

6. Goodness

7. Faithfulness

8. Gentleness

9. Self-control

Please see the operating manual, the B.I.B.L.E. (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth) for further details on the use of these fixes.

WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids any manufacturer warranties, exposing the unit to dangers and problems too numerous to list and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded. For free emergency service, call on Jesus.

DANGER: The human being units not responding to this recall action will have to be scrapped in the furnace. The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.

Thank you for your attention!

GOD

P.S. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important recall notice, and you may contact the Father any time by 'Knee mail'!

Because He Lives!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Political Flow Chart

2011-07-20T11:33:00.000-07:00

The political flow chart

When top level guys look down, they see only poopie heads.
When bottom level guys look up, they see only butts.
Have you ever seen a flow chart presented so accurately?

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: New Government Plan To Help

2011-05-18T10:33:00.000-07:00

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing unemployment.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination)

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Congress deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Congresss.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided themselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,

The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

PS - - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity,gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

2011-04-22T10:51:00.000-07:00

A a law enforcement officer mentioned that he has recently been I have been approached by several people wanting to know how to identify a meth lab.

Here is a picture of four labs. I think it's pretty obvious which one is
the meth lab. I hope this helps.

Let me know if I can be of any further service in this matter.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: The Causeway Wall

2011-04-21T13:21:00.000-07:00

The Top 9 comments overheard about the St. Simons Causeway Divider:

9. Reminds me of the wall in China...we could rename it "The Great Wall of Whiners"!

8. Rumor has it you can see it from space.

7. We wouldn't need it if we had just kept the toll.

6. Doing to local commutes what Liberty Harbor did to the local real estate market.

5. Quit your complaining, the folks in Berlin eventually got used to their wall.

4. I like it...I alwsys hated seeng the ugly tires on the cars from the opposite direction anyway.

3. Couldn't we have just built a big traffic circle?

2. Now, if we could just put a wall around St. Simons Island to keep the rifraf out.

And the top comment overheard about the Causeway divider wall:
I can't wait to spray paint my girlfriend's name on it!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: The Breadwinner

2011-04-18T04:47:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine sent this in:

THE BREADWINNER

Bread Winner...
I was speaking to an emergency room physician this morning.
He told me that a woman in her 20s came to the ER with her 8thpregnancy.
She stated, "my momma told me that I am the breadwinner for the family."
He asked her to explain. She said that she can make babies and babies get
money for the family.

It goes like this:
The grandma calls the Department of Child and Family Services and states
that the unemployed daughter is not capable of caring for these children.
DCFS agrees and states that the child or children will need to go to foster care.

The grandma then volunteers to be the foster parent, and thus receives a check
for $1500 per child per month in Illinois.

Total yearly income: $144,000 tax-free,
not to mention free healthcare (Medicaid) plus a monthly card entitling
her to free groceries, etc, and a voucher for 250 free cell phone minutes per month.
This does not even include WIC and other welfare programs.

Indeed, grandma was correct in that her fertile daughter is the "breadwinner" for the family.

This is how the ruling class spends our tax dollars.

Is this a GREAT COUNTRY or what...
Don't forget to pay your taxes!!!
There are a lot of "Breadwinners" depending on you

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Proud to be from Georgia!

2011-04-06T08:41:00.000-07:00

My buddy Wayne Stewart sent me this. Thought I'd share with it you:

PROUD TO BE FROM GEORGIA

There are some things that all Georgians should know:

Georgia is the largest state east of the Mississippi River ...
Coca Cola is ours, and unless you've had one in a six-and-a-half ounce bottle,
with a slight crust of ice on top, you missed a real treat.
Try pouring about half a pack of salted peanuts into one sometime.

If it weren't for a Georgian - Crawford Long of Jefferson - all surgery would hurt bad!

Georgians, native or adopted, say "ma'am" and "sir" and call their mothers "mama" and their fathers "daddy".
They know that y'all is perfectly good English and never means just one person.
"Fixin to" is perfectly acceptable, too. It's really preferred.
And if y'all don't like the way we talk, Delta (which is also ours) is ready when you are.

Long before the Olympics brought the world's greatest athletes to Atlanta ,
we gave the world Ty Cobb, Jackie Robinson, Walt Frazier, Luke Appling, Johnny Mize,
Fran Tarkenton, Bobby Jones, Wyomia Tyus, and Herschel Walker.
If you don't know who these people are, you ought to find out before you go to bed tonight.
The greatest tournament in golf will still be played in Augusta every April,
and on autumn Saturdays,

Every Fall the Red-and-Black faithful will gather in Athens for a prayer meeting between the hedges.
Georgia Tech fans gather in Atlanta for Buzz to carry out the sting.

The Stone Mountain carving is lots bigger than the one on Mt. Rushmore
and the people etched into the side of Stone Mountain deserve the honor, Robert E. Lee, Stonewall Jackson and President Jefferson Davis.
It wasn't about slavery. It was about freedom and independence from an all powerful government-sorta like Braveheart and most Southerners can trace their heritage to Scotland .
The best grapes and wine is produced in Lumpkin County .
Yes, we are better than California .

Atlanta with its millions of people has one of the greatest economies in the world and no other city in the USA has so much to offer in the way of the arts.
Milledgeville is the best small town in the USA and Georgia Military College is one of the top military colleges in the USA .

In 1864, Sherman burned parts of Atlanta and Georgia . He and his "men" also raped, stole and pillaged on his March to the sea. But we persevered.

We're called the " Peach State " because ours are the sweetest.
We do produce the most peanuts, pecans, and poultry.

The best barbecue in the world is from our Georgia pits.
Yes, God intended for iced tea to be served "sweet."

Elvis wasn't ours, but Otis Redding, James Brown, the Allman Brothers,
Johnny Mercer, Joe South , Ray Charles, Bill Anderson, Brenda Lee,
Trisha Yearwood, Little Richard, Gladys Knight, Jerry Reed, Burt Reynolds, Ray Stevens, Tommy Roe, and Alan Jackson are, as are trumpeter Harry James and wrestler Hulk Hogan
So are Sidney Lanier, Joel Chandler Harris, Margaret Mitchell and Alice Walker.
And I still miss Lewis Grizzard every day.
Julia Roberts may be Georgia's prettiest movie star,
and Holly Hunter may well be the most talented.
Dakota Fanning may one day surpass them both.
But no one shines brighter than actress Joanne Woodward.
Georgians Doc Holliday found his fame in the Old West and Oliver Hardy made us laugh in movies.

FDR adopted us. His "Little White House" in Warm Springs , Ga. is exactly as it was the day he died there,
near the end of World War II.
Every Georgian and citizen of the USA needs to visit Warm Springs.
Roosevelt's New Deal put Georgians to work
and turned an entire generation of her people into the best employers/employees in this great land.

Georgia once had three governors at the same time.
Lester Maddox wasn't one of them, but was elected by the General Assembly
without getting a majority of the popular vote.
He did a good job too, God rest his soul.

"Gone With the Wind" belongs to us. We own it.
Not only is it by one of our own and is about Georgia ,
but it's also one of the great novels of all times.

WSB (TV) means "Welcome to the South, Brother."

The Brown Thrasher, the Cherokee Rose, and the Live Oak are our symbols.
Proud, decent, honest people are our heritage.

And lastly, Georgia ain't exactly heaven - but it will do until I get there.
Can I Hear an AMEN?!

Joe Willie On The Shrimp Box: "Old German Shepherd"

2011-04-06T08:36:00.000-07:00

One day an old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep **** now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly,

"Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

"Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther..

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...

"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
BS and brilliance only come with age and experience.

If you don't send this to five 'old' friends right away, there will be five fewer people laughing in the world.

Of course, I am in no way insinuating that you are old, just 'youthfully challenged'.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: The Southern Ten Commandments

2011-03-20T14:34:00.000-07:00

THE SOUTHERN TEN COMMANDMENTS
This is much easier to remember !!!

Ten Commandments In Southern...

(1) Just one God
(2) Put nothin' before God
(3) Watch yer mouth
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'
(5) Honor yer Ma & Pa
(6) No killin'
(7) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal.
(8) Don't take what ain't yers
(9) No tellin' tales or gossipin'
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff

Now that's plain an' simple.

Y'all have a nice day now ya hear!

And bless your little heart....

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: The National Anthem

2011-03-15T13:40:00.001-07:00

She's only five years old, but she's got it!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: A Patriot!!

2011-03-09T14:12:00.000-08:00

WOW! A patriot. Refreshing.

A CALIFORNIA PRINCIPAL'S OPENING MESSAGE TO STUDENTS

Dennis Prager - from a principal at a high school in Redding, California, on the first day of classes in 2010:

To the students and faculty of our high school:

I am your new principal, and honored to be so. There is no greater
calling than to teach young people. I would like to apprise you of some
important changes coming to our school. I am making these changes because I am convinced that most of the ideas that have dominated public education in America have worked against you, against your teachers, against your parents, and against our country.

Therefore:

First, this school will no longer honor race or ethnicity. I could not care less if your racial makeup is black, brown, red, yellow, or white. I could not care less if your origins are African, Latin American, Asian, or European, or if your ancestors arrived here on the Mayflower or on slave ships.

The only identity I care about, the only one this school will recognize, is your individual identity -- your character, your scholarship, your humanity. And the only national identity this school will care about is American. This is an American public school, and American public schools were created to make better Americans.

If you wish to affirm an ethnic, racial, or religious identity through your school, you will have to go elsewhere. We will end all ethnicity-race-and non-American-nationality-based celebrations. They undermine the motto of America, one of its three central values -- E Pluribus Unum -- "from many, one." And this school will be guided by America's values.

That includes all after-school clubs. I will not authorize clubs that divide students based on any identities. This includes race, language, religion, sexual orientation, or whatever else may become in vogue in a society divided by political correctness.

Our clubs will be based on interests and passions -- not blood, ethnic, racial or other physically defined ties. Those clubs just cultivate narcissism -- an unhealthy preoccupation with the self -- while the purpose of education is to get you to think beyond yourself. So, we will have clubs that transport you to the wonders and glories of art, music, astronomy, languages you do not already speak, math, carpentry, and more. If the only extracurricular activities you can imagine being interested in are those based on ethnic or racial or sexual identity, that means that little outside of yourself really interests you.

Second, I am not interested in whether or not English is your native language. My only interest in terms of language is that you leave thisschool speaking and writing English as fluently as possible. The English language has united America's citizens for more than 200 years, and it will unite us at this school. It is one of the indispensable reasons this country of immigrants has always come to be one country. And if you leave this school without excellent English-language skills, I will have been remiss in my duty to ensure that you are prepared to compete successfully in the American job market. We will learn other languages here -- it is deplorable that most Americans only speak English. But if you want classes taught in your native language rather than in English, this is not your school.

Third, because I regard learning as a sacred endeavor, everything in this school will reflect learning's elevated status. This means, among other things, that you and your teachers will dress accordingly. Many people in our society dress more formally for a meal at a nice restaurant than they do for church or school. Those people have their priorities backwards. Therefore, there will be a formal dress code at this school.

Fourth, no obscene language will be tolerated anywhere on this school's property -- whether in class, in the hallways or at athletic events. If you can't speak without using the "F-word," you can't speak. By obscene language I mean the words banned by the Federal Communications Commission plus epithets such as the "N-word," even when used by one black student to address another, or "bitch," even when addressed by a girl to a girlfriend. It is my intent that by the time you leave this school, you will be among the few of your age to distinguish instinctively between the elevated and the degraded, the holy and the obscene.

Fifth, we will end all self-esteem programs. In this school, self-esteem will be attained in only one way -- the way people attained it until the state of California decided otherwise a generation ago -- by earning it. One immediate consequence of this is that there will be only one class valedictorian, not eight.

Sixth, and last, I am reorienting the school toward academics and away from politics and propaganda. No more time will be devoted to scaring you about smoking and caffeine, or terrifying you about sexual harassment or global warming. No more semesters will be devoted to condom-wearing and teaching you to regard sexual relations as only or primarily a health issue. There will be no more attempts to convince you that you are a victim because you are not white, or not male, or not heterosexual, or not Christian. We will have failed, if any one of you graduates from this school and does not consider himself or herself inordinately lucky -- to be alive and to be an American.

Now, please stand and join me in the Pledge of Allegiance to the flag of the United States of America. As many of you do not know the words, your teachers will hand them out to you.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Seeds"

2011-03-08T03:57:00.000-08:00

A successful business man was growing old and knew it was time to choose a successor to take over the business.

Instead of choosing one of his Directors or his children, he decided to do something different. He called all the young executives in his company together.

He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next CEO. I have decided to choose one of you. "The young executives were Shocked, but the boss continued "I am going to give each one of you a SEED today - one very special SEED. I want you to plant the seed, water it, and come back here one year from today with what you have grown from the seed I have given you. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next CEO."

One man, named Jim, was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly, told his wife the story. She helped him get a pot, soil and compost and he planted the seed. Everyday, he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other executives began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow.

Jim kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew.

Three weeks, four weeks, five weeks went by, still nothing.

By now, others were talking about their plants, but Jim didn't have a plant and he felt like a failure.

Six months went by -- still nothing in Jim's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed. Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Jim didn't say anything to his colleagues, however, he just kept watering and fertilizing the soil - He so wanted the seed to grow.

A year finally went by and all the young executives of the company brought their plants to the CEO for inspection.

Jim told his wife that he wasn't going to take an empty pot. But she asked him to be honest about what happened. Jim felt sick to his stomach, it was going to be the most embarrassing moment of his life, but he knew his wife was right. He took his empty pot to the board room. When Jim arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other executives. They were beautiful -- in all shapes and sizes. Jim put his empty pot on the floor and many of his colleagues laughed, a few felt sorry for him!

When the CEO arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted his young executives.

Jim just tried to hide in the back. "My, what great plants, trees and flowers you have grown," said the CEO. "Today one of you will be appointed the next CEO!"

All of a sudden, the CEO spotted Jim at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered the Financial Director to bring him to the front. Jim was terrified. He thought, "The CEO knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me fired!"

When Jim got to the front, the CEO asked him what had happened to his seed - Jim told him the story.

The CEO asked everyone to sit down except Jim. He looked at Jim, and then announced to the young executives, "Behold your next Chief Executive Officer!

His name is Jim!" Jim couldn't believe it. Jim couldn't even grow his seed.

"How could he be the new CEO?" the others said.

Then the CEO said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone in this room a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds; they were dead - it was not possible for them to grow.

All of you, except Jim, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Jim was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new Chief Executive Officer!"

* If you plant honesty, you will reap trust

* If you plant goodness, you will reap friends

* If you plant humility, you will reap greatness

* If you plant perseverance, you will reap contentment

* If you plant consideration, you will reap perspective

* If you plant hard work, you will reap success

* If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation
So, be careful what you plant now; it will determine what you will reap later.

Your aspiration is your motivation, your motivation is your belief, your belief is your peace, your peace is your target, your target is heaven, and life is like hard core torture without it!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "The National Anthem"

2011-03-03T03:52:00.000-08:00

The "Star Spangled Banner" was made the official National Anthem of the United States by President Herbert Hoover on March 3, 1931. Since then there has been a lot of discussion on how the song should be sung and presented. Longtime listener Linda Heimberger wrote,

"See I am not the only one that feels that the Star Spangle Banner should be sung as it was written! I'd love to know what listeners think? Someone said it better than I could.

'So, with all the kindness I can muster, I give this one piece of advice to the next pop star who is asked to sing the national anthem at a sporting event: Save the vocal gymnastics and the physical gyrations for your concerts. Just sing this song the way you were taught to sing it in kindergarten — straight up, no styling. Sing it with the constant awareness that there are soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines watching you from bases and outposts all over the world. Don’t make them cringe with your self-centered ego gratification. Sing it as if you are standing before a row of 86-year-old WWII vets wearing their Purple Hearts, Silver Stars and flag pins on their cardigans and you want them to be proud of you for honoring them and the country they love — not because you want them to think you are a superstar musician. They could see that from the costumes, the makeup and the entourages. Sing “The Star Spangled Banner” with the courtesy and humility that tells the audience that it is about America, not you.'"

With all that being said, I still think that a little variety is OK. What separates a singer from an artist is that an artist makes the music his or her own without ruining the song. Here is a great version of the Star Spangled Banner from Martina McBride:

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "2011 Academy Creek Awards"

2011-02-28T04:05:00.000-08:00

THE 2011 ACADEMY CREEK AWARDS…THE AWARDS FOR LOCALLY THEMED MOTION PICTURES…THE AWARD IS NAMED AFTER THE ACADEMY CREEK WASTEWATER TREATMENT PLANT…YOU KNOW THE STINK FACTORY ON 341… BETWEEN THE CEMETARY AND THE JAIL.

FROM THE PRODUCERS OF THE “X-MEN”…COMES THE STORY OF THREE SUPERHEROS WHO SEE THEIR YEARS OF TOILING FOR THE CITIZENS COME TO A CLOSE BY BEING MAINLY REMEMBERED FOR ONE SIMPLE $3.9 MISTAKE THAT ENDED UP BEING AN EXPENSIVE DOWNTOWN DIRT PARKING LOT …”THE X-COMMISSIONERS: THE JAIL YEARS”.

FROM THE COMPANY THAT BROUGHT YOU JONAH HEX…COMES THE STORY OF A ROADWAY PROJECT THAT STARTED OUT AS A GOOD IDEA TO MOST PEOPLE UNTIL THEY FIGURED OUT SOME THINGS IMPACTING THEM IN AN UNFORESEEN NEGATIVE WAY…LIKE NOT BEING ABLE TO TURN LEFT OUT OF THE GOLDEN ISLES MARINA…OR MAKING IT MORE DIFFICULT FOR RESCUE PERSONEL TO BE ABLE TURN AROUND…IT’S THE ACTION PACKED MEDIAN THRILLER “CAUSEWAY HEX”.

THE FOLKS THAT BROUGHT YOU TWO OF THE YEAR’S MOST CRITICALLY ACCLAIMED MOVIES, “THE KING’S SPEECH” AND “BLACK SWAN”…HAVE GOTTEN TOGETHER TO BRING YOU THE STORY OF AN INCOMING CHAMBER OF COMMERCE CHAIRMAN’S SWEEPING EPIC SPEECH AT THAT PAINTED A GREAT DESCRIPTION OF OUR COMMUNITY…AND EVEN ALLOWED FOR PEOPLE TO SLEEP THROUGH IT BY ASKING EVERYONE TO “CLOSE THEIR EYES”…YOU DON’T WANT TO MISS “THE SWAN’S SPEECH”.

THE OLD 60’S TV SERIES “LOST IN SPACE” LIVES ON IN THE NEW FILM ABOUT A GROUP OF ELECTED OFFICIALS THAT CAN’T QUITE SEEM TO FUNCTION OR FIND THEiR WAY OUT OF ANY MESS WITHOUT HITTING THE TAXPAYERS FOR ANOTHER SPECIAL PURPOSE LOCAL OPTION SALES TAX…YOU DON’T WANT TO MISS THE STRANGER THAN FICTION EPIC ADVENTURE “SPLOST IN PLACE”.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Biting the bullet on expenses"

2011-02-24T03:43:00.000-08:00

Biting the bullet on expenses

It's tough but we all need to do our part. The President ordered the cabinet
to cut a whopping $100 million from the $3.5 trillion federal budget!

I'm so impressed by this sacrifice that I have decided to do the same thing
with my personal budget. I spend about $2000 a month on groceries, medicine,
bills, etc., but it's time to get out the budget cutting ax, go line by line
through my expenses, and go to work.

I'm going to cut my spending at exactly the same ratio -1/35,000 of my total
budget. After doing the math, it looks like instead of spending $2000 a
month; I'm going to have to cut that number by six cents!

Yes, I'm going to have to get by with $1999.94, but that's what sacrifice is
all about.

I'll just have to do without some
things, that are, frankly, luxuries.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: How To Treat People

2011-02-22T09:55:00.000-08:00

5 Lessons about the way we treat people

1 - First Important Lesson - Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one:
"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50's, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely, " said the professor.. "In your careers, You will meet many people. All are significant...they deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello.."

I've never forgotten that lesson.. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

2. - Second Important Lesson - Pickup in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960's. The man
took her to safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxicab.

She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him. Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached.

It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's' bedside just before he passed away... God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."
Sincerely,
Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3 - Third Important Lesson - Always remember those

Who serve.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

"How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked.

"Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it.
"Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient..."Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies..

You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. - The obstacle in Our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock.

Some of the King's' wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by nd simply walked around it.. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded.

After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the
person who removed the boulder from the roadway.

The peasant learned what many of us never understand! Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson - Giving When it Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister.

I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save her."

As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face
grew pale and his smile faded.

He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away".

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Cherokee Legend"

2011-02-21T05:21:00.001-08:00

You can easily judge the character of others by how
they treat those who they think can do nothing for them.

Cherokee Legend

Do you know the legend of the Cherokee Indian youths' rite of Passage?

His father takes him into the forest, blindfolds him an leaves him alone.

He is required to sit on a stump the whole night and not remove the blindfold

until the rays of the morning sun shine through it.

He cannot cry out for help to anyone.
l
Once he survives the night, he is a MAN.

He cannot tell the other boys of this experience, because each lad must come into manhood on his own.

The boy is naturally terrified. He can hear all kinds of noises. Wild beasts must surely be all around him .

Maybe even some human might do him harm.

The wind blew the grass and earth, and shook his stump, but he sat stoically, never removing the blindfold.

It would be the only way he could become a man!

Finally, after a horrific night the sun appeared and he removed his blindfold.

It was then that he discovered his father sitting on the stump next to him.

He had been at watch the entire night, protecting his son from harm.

We, too, are never alone. Even when we don't know it, God is watching over us, sitting on the stump beside us.

When trouble comes, all we have to do is reach out to Him.

If you liked this story, pass it on.
If not, you took off your blindfold before dawn.

Moral of the story:
Just because you can't see God,
Doesn't mean He is not there.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Another Great Sheriff"

2011-02-08T10:51:00.000-08:00

Another GREAT Sheriff

POLK COUNTY FLORIDA SHERIFF GRADY JUDD

An illegal alien in Polk County Florida who got pulled over in a
routine traffic stop ended up 'executing' the deputy who stopped him.
The deputy was shot eight times, including once behind his right ear at
close range. Another deputy was wounded and a police dog killed.

A state-wide manhunt ensued.

The murderer was found hiding in a wooded area and as soon as he
took a shot at the SWAT team, officers opened fire on him. They hit the
guy 68 times.

Naturally, the liberal media went nuts and asked why they had to
shoot the poor undocumented immigrant 68 times.

Sheriff Grady Judd told the Orlando Sentinel: 'Because that's
all the ammunition we had..' Now, is that just about the all-time
greatest answer or what!

The Coroner also reported that the illegal alien died of natural
causes...
When asked by a reporter how that could be since there were 68
bullet wounds in his body,
he simply replied: (BEST QUOTE of 2009) ...
"when you are shot 68 times you are naturally gonna die."

GOD BLESS AMERICA !

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "LAW of the Garbage Truck"

2011-02-07T03:51:00.000-08:00

LAW of the Garbage Truck

One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport.
We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us.
My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us.
My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly.
So I asked, 'Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!'
This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'

He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment.As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home, or on the streets.

The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets,
so ... Love the people who treat you right.
Pray for the ones who don't.
Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Culture Crisis"

2011-01-31T14:20:00.000-08:00

Pictured below is a young physician by the name of Dr. Starner Jones.

His short two-paragraph letter to the White House accurately puts the blame on a "Culture Crisis" instead of a "Health Care Crisis". It's worth a quick read:

Dear Mr. President:
During my shift in the Emergency Room last night, I had the pleasure of evaluating a patient whose smile revealed an expensive shiny gold tooth, whose body was adorned with a wide assortment of elaborate and costly tattoos, who wore a very expensive brand of tennis shoes and who chatted on a new cellular telephone equipped with a popular music ringtone.
While glancing over her patient chart, I happened to notice that her payer status was listed as "Medicaid"! During my examination of her, the patient informed me that she smokes more than one costly pack of cigarettes every day and somehow still has money to buy pretzels and beer.
And, you and our Congress expect me to pay for this woman's health care? I contend that our nation's "health care crisis" is not the result of a shortage of quality hospitals, doctors or nurses. Rather, it is the result of a "crisis of culture", a culture in which it is perfectly acceptable to spend money on luxuries and vices while refusing to take care of one's self or, heaven forbid, purchase health insurance. It is a culture based in the irresponsible credo that "I can do whatever I want to because someone else will always take care of me".
Once you fix this "culture crisis" that rewards irresponsibility and dependency, you'll be amazed at how quickly our nation's health care difficulties will disappear.
Respectfully,

STARNER JONES, MD

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Why we love Atlanta"

2011-01-27T06:03:00.000-08:00

This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, Georgia, has ever lived in Atlanta, has ever visited Atlanta, ever plans to visit Atlanta, knows anyone who already lives in Atlanta, or knows anyone who has ever heard of Atlanta.

Atlanta is composed mostly of one-way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta is to turnaround and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina .

All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree" and include the phrase, "When you see the Waffle House." except in Cobb County where all directions begin with, "Go to the Big Chicken."

Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused with:
Peachtree Circle
Peachtree Place
Peachtree Lane
Peachtree Road
Peachtree Parkway
Peachtree Run
Peachtree Terrace
Peachtree Avenue
Peachtree Commons
Peachtree Battle
Peachtree Corners
New Peachtree
Old Peachtree
West Peachtree
Peachtree-Dunwoody
Peachtree-Chamblee
Peachtree Industrial Boulevard

Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask anyone for directions, they will always send you down Peachtree.

Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. Coke is all they drink there so don't ask for any other soft drink unless it's made by Coca-Cola. Even if you want something other than a Coca-Cola, it's still called Coke.

The gates at Atlanta's Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport are about 32 miles away from the Main Concourse, so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.

The 8 a.m. rush hour is from 6:30 a.m. to 10:30 a.m.
The 5 p.m. rush hour is from 3:00 p.m. to 7:30 pm. (Don't forget the lunch time rush hour!)
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday afternoon and lasts through 2 a.m. Saturday.

Only a native can pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue , so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation is " pawntz duh LEE-awn."

And yes, they have a street named simply "Boulevard."

The falling of one raindrop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules. If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a week. Overnight, all grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer.

I-285 is the loop that encircles Atlanta which has a posted speed limit of 55 mph, but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run over and is known to truckers as "The Watermelon 500."

Don't believe the directional markers on highways: I-285 is marked "East" and "West" but you may be going North or South. The locals identify the direction by referring to the "Inner Loop" and the "Outer Loop."

If you travel on Hwy 92 North, you will actually be going southeast.

Never buy a ladder or mattress in Atlanta . Just go to one of the interstates and you will soon find one in the middle of the road.

The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger, unless your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy and your AK-47 has a full clip.

Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air..

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Georgia .

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia, plus a couple no one has seen before.

If it grows, it sticks. If it crawls, it bites. If you notice a vine trying to wrap itself around your leg, you have about 20 seconds to escape, before you are completely captured and covered with Kudzu.

It's not a shopping cart, it's a buggy.
"Fixinto" is one word (I'm fixinto go to the store) - also can be pronounced "Fixinta".

Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're 2 years old.

"Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
"How's Momma-nem" means: "How's Mother and all of the other children and other members of the family doing?"

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: SPECIAL POEM FOR OLDER FOLKS

2011-01-20T03:45:00.000-08:00

SPECIAL POEM FOR OLDER FOLKS

A row of bottles on my shelf
Caused me to analyze myself.
One yellow pill I have to pop
Goes to my heart so it won't stop.
A little white one that I take
Goes to my hands so they won't shake.
The blue ones that I use a lot
Tell me I'm happy when I'm not.
The purple pill goes to my brain
And tells me that I have no pain.
The capsules tell me not to wheeze
Or cough or choke or even sneeze..
The red ones, smallest of them all
Go to my blood so I won't fall.
The orange ones, very big and bright
Prevent my leg cramps in the night.
Such an array of brilliant pills
Helping to cure all kinds of ills.
But what I'd really like to know...........
Is what tells each one where to go!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "A More Economical James Bond"

2011-01-14T04:22:00.000-08:00

New James Bond Movie is in the works…but because of the economy there’s gonna be some cutbacks…they’re even talking about using the left over X-Men sets on Jekyll

Top 7 cutbacks in the next James Bond Movie

7…Bond can’t afford the Aston Martin…so he and M are getting the 2 for 1 deal at Mike Murphy Kia…he’ll now get 30 mpg on a highway high speed chase…and 24 mpg on a city high speed chase

6…Instead of using fancy high tech gadgets …he’ll battle villains with a spork from KFC.

5…The expensive Daniel Craig will be replaced by Tater’s friend Finger Licking Cliff.

4…His double-oh-seven designation has been cut down to a more affordable double-oh-three and half.

3…The villian’s secret underground lair has been replaced by that jacked up trailer at Liberty Harbor.

2…The beautiful Bond girls have been replaced by a couple of Arco working girls and former cook at The Risky Café in Darien..

And the top cut back…
In order to make ends meet…with his license to kill he’s also got a license to sell real estate, drive a school bus and hawk Visalus.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Obama's care or Obamascare"

2011-01-10T04:58:00.000-08:00

What Could Possibly Go Bad With ObamaScare

Let me get this straight . . . .
We're going to be "gifted" with a health care
plan we are forced to purchase and
fined if we don't,
Which purportedly covers at least
ten million more people,
without adding a single new doctor,
but provides for 16,000 new IRS agents,
written by a committee whose chairman
says he doesn't understand it,
passed by a Congress that didn't read it but
exempted themselves from it,
and signed by a President who smokes,
with funding administered by a treasury chief who
didn't pay his taxes,
for which we'll be taxed for four years before any
benefits take effect,
by a government which has
already bankrupted Social Security and Medicare,
all to be overseen by a surgeon general
who is obese,
and financed by a country that's broke!!!!!
'What the heck could
possibly go wrong?'

A Different Christmas Poem (Revised)

2010-12-22T12:49:00.000-08:00

Tea Party Member Stuns Crowd! ORIGINAL!!!

2010-11-17T04:35:00.000-08:00

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "What is this world coming to?"

2010-11-05T03:26:00.001-07:00

WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?

A female-to-male transgender member of the George Washington women's basketball team wants to be identified as a man this season…Junior Kye Allums -- who used to be known as Kay-Kay -- is referred to on the school's website as a "male member of George Washington's women's basketball team." Where will this craziness end? I guess that we’ll probably see a guy decide he’s now a girl and “she’ll” want to be on the girls team. It ain’t right! Next thing you know they’ll want to let female reporters in the guys locker rooms.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Should I send my bank info and retire?"

2010-10-28T05:45:00.000-07:00

I could retire today if I just sent this guy my bank information. What should I do?

Mr. Edward Kong
Vice President/Manager
The Bank of East Asia (USA) NA
Flushing Branch
39-02 Main Street,
Flushing, NY 11354, USA

Greetings friend,

I am Mr. Edward Kong, the Vice President and Branch Manager of The Bank of East Asia (USA), Flushing Branch Flushing New York, USA. I write to seek your consent to carry out a transaction that would be highly beneficial to you and me. I know you may be wondering why I am contacting you for this despite all the friends and relations that I have but I decided to do this with an unknown person to avoid any form of blackmail in the future. Mr. Alvin Peter Kappelmann Jr was an account holder with my bank. I have been his account officer for 11 years before his death. He died during the World Trade Centre bombing in September 11 2001. Please confirm from this site:

http://www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2001/memorial/people/2632.html

Since his death, the management of my bank has made series of efforts to locate his family but all efforts were proved abortive. I also carried out series of research to find his family but it was confirmed that the mother who was the only surviving member of the family died at the hearing of the son’s death. He was already divorced before his death and due to this fact; no one was able to claim the fund he deposited in my bank legally because there was no will to it. He had a secret dollar account with my bank worth the sum of $58,200,000.00 (Fifty Eight Million, Two Hundred Thousand United States Dollars) with an interest agreement of 6.7% which have been for the past 9 years.

My purpose of contacting you now is this:

My bank during the last executive board meeting resolved that if by the end of this year and there is no beneficiary to the said account, the account will be confiscated and the fund sent to the bank treasury and this is where I am interested in and wants you to come in:

I want you to come in as the Next of Kin/Beneficiary to this account. I have all the titled documents to back your claim and as the Vice President and Manager of this branch, it is in my power to carry out any form of verification on the beneficiary of the said fund and process the fund wire without any problem. I want you to know that this is legal and 100% risk free as all the titled documents would be changed to your name and the fund wired to any bank account you wish to have it wired to.

Please note that I am willing to let you have 30% of the total sum while you give me 60% when the fund finally gets to your nominated bank account. Also note that I am willing to go extra mile to make this a success because if anything goes wrong, then I stand the risk of losing my job and even go to jail for trying to carry out such transaction. This is why I am contacting you so that we can put heads together and take care of this transaction within now and the next 9 days.

Kindly get back to me immediately so that I advice you on how this would be carried out.
Sincerely,
Edward Kong

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Smile! Wait For Flash"

2010-10-27T05:47:00.000-07:00

"Where can I get my pistol engraved like this?"

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "An old school hero"

2010-10-21T12:29:00.000-07:00

Michele Malkin worte about an "old school hero".

While the White House may not believe in American exceptionalism, I do. And I'm thinking there's a whole bunch of people in Chile that would agree.

Regarding the mine rescue, did you know:

The guy that designed the rescue module was a NASA Engineer?

The Drill was made by Schramm Inc. from Pennsylvania.

The Drill Bits were made by Center Rock, Inc. located in Berlin, Pennsylvania.

The lead driller Jeff Hart and his team are from Denver, Colorado. They are on loan from the US Military in Afghanistan where they are drilling water wells for our Forward Operating Bases.

He spent the next 33 days on his feet, operating the drill that finally provided a way out Saturday for 33 trapped miners. "You have to feel through your feet what the drill is doing; it's a vibration you get so that you know what's happening," explained Hart.

Hart was called in from Afghanistan, "simply because he's the best" at drilling larger holes with the T130's wide-diameter drill bits, Stefanic said.

Standing before the levers, pressure meters and gauges on the T130's control panel, Hart and the rest of the team faced many challenges in drilling the shaft. At one point, the drill struck a metal support beam in the poorly mapped mine, shattering its hammers. Fresh equipment had to be flown in from the United States and progress was delayed for days as powerful magnets were lowered to pull out the pieces.

The mine's veins of gold and copper ran through quartzite with a high level of abrasive silica, rock so tough that it took all their expertise to keep the drill's hammers from curving off in unwanted directions. "It was horrible," said Center Rock President Brandon Fisher, exhausted after hardly sleeping during the effort.

Fisher, Stefanic and Hart called it the most difficult hole they had ever drilled, because of the lives at stake.

"If you're drilling for oil and you lose the hole, it's different. This time there's people down below," Stefanic said.

"We ruined some bits, worked through the problems as a team, and broke through," Hart said. "I'm very happy now."

Miners' relatives crowded around Hart on Saturday, hugging and posing for pictures with him as he walked down from the rescue operation into the tent camp where families had anxiously followed his work.

"He's become the hero of the day," said Dayana Olivares, whose friend Carlos Bugueno is one of the miners stuck below.

In a different day and age, Jeff Hart would be the most famous American in our country right now. He would be honored at the White House. Schoolchildren would learn of his skill and heroism. But because Jeff Hart works in an industry currently being demonized, more people in Chile will celebrate this symbol of American greatness than in America itself.
- Michelle Malkin

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: A great alternative to body scanners at airports .

2010-10-20T13:54:00.000-07:00

FINALLY — A great alternative to body scanners at airports . . .

The Israelis are developing an airport security device that eliminates the privacy concerns that come with full-body scanners at the airports.

It’s a booth you can step into that will not X-ray you, but will detonate any explosive device you may have on you. They see this as a win-win for everyone, with none of this crap about racial profiling. It also would eliminate the costs of a long and expensive trial. Justice would be swift. Case closed!

You're in the airport terminal and you hear a muffled explosion. Shortly thereafter an announcement comes over the PA system . . . "Attention standby passengers — we now have a seat available on flight number 123. Shalom!"

Hats off to the Israelis!!!!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Home Security Advice

2010-10-18T12:14:00.000-07:00

Pretty neat idea. Never thought of it before.

Put your car keys beside your bed at night.

Tell your spouse, your children, your neighbors, your parents, your Dr's office, the check-out girl at the market, everyone you run across. Put your car keys beside your bed at night.
If you hear a noise outside your home or someone trying to get in your house, just press the panic button for your car. The alarm will be set off, and the horn will continue to sound until either you turn it off or the car battery dies. This tip came from a neighborhood watch coordinator. Next time you come home for the night and you start to put your keys away, think of this: It's a security alarm system that you probably already have and requires no installation. Test it. It will go off from most everywhere inside your house and will keep honking until your battery runs down or until you reset it with the button on the key fob chain. It works if you park in your driveway or garage. If your car alarm goes off when someone is trying to break into your house, odds are the burglar/rapist won't stick around. After a few seconds,all the neighbors will be looking out their windows to see who is out there and sure enough the criminal won't want that. And remember to carry your keys while walking to your car in a parking lot. The alarm can work the same way there. This is something that should really be shared with everyone. Maybe it could save a life or a sexual abuse crime.

P.S. I am sending this to everyone I know because I think it is fantastic. Would also be useful for any emergency, such as a heart attack, where you can't reach a phone. My Mom has suggested to my Dad that he carry his car keys with him in case he falls outside and she doesn't hear him.. He can activate the car alarm and then she'll know there's a problem.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: An Amendment

2010-10-05T03:47:00.001-07:00

The Time Has Indeed Come!

Governors of 35 states have already filed suit against the FederalGovernment for imposing unlawful burdens upon them. It only takes 38(of the 50) States to convene a Constitutional Convention. This will take less than thirty seconds to read. If you agree, please pass it on.

An idea whose time has come!

For too long we have been too complacent about the workings of Congress. Many citizens had no idea that members of Congress could retire with the same pay after only one term, that they specifically exempted themselves from many of the laws they have passed (such as being exempt from any fear of prosecution for sexual harassment) while ordinary citizens must live under those laws. The latest was to exempt themselves from the Healthcare Reform ...in all of its forms. Somehow, that
doesn't seem logical. We do not have an elite that is above the law. I truly don't care if they are Democrat, Republican, Independent or whatever. The self-serving must stop.

A Constitutional Convention - this is a good way to do that. It is an idea whose time has come. And, with the advent of modern communication, the process can be moved along with incredible speed. There is talk out there that the "government" doesn't care what the people think. That is irrelevant. It is incumbent on the population to address elected officials to the wrongs afflicted against the populace...you and me.

Think about this...The 26th amendment (granting the right to vote for 18 year-olds) took only 3 months & 8 days to be ratified! Why? Simple! The people demanded it. That was in 1971...before computers, before e-mail, before cell phones, etc.

Of the 27 amendments to the Constitution, seven (7) took 1 year or less to become the law of the land...all because of public pressure. I'm asking each addressee to forward this Email to a minimum of twenty people on their Address list; in turn ask each of those to do likewise.

In three days, most people in The United States of America will have the message. This is one proposal that really should be passed around. Proposed 28th Amendment to the United States Constitution: "Congress shall make no law that applies to the citizens of the United States that does not apply equally to the Senators and/or
Representatives; and, Congress shall make no law that applies to the Senators and/or Representatives that does not apply equally to the citizens of the United States .

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "The Haircut"

2010-10-04T03:48:00.000-07:00

THE HAIRCUT

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.'
The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a ' thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Congressman was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

BOTH POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS NEED TO BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Brunswick City Officials Go To China"

2010-09-29T05:31:00.000-07:00

I have nothing against having a sister city in China. It's probably a good idea. I'm just not a big fan of having the taxpayers foot part of the bill. I know that we were told that the Chinese were paying for the entire trip except for about ten thousand dollars. City Manager Roosevelt Harris even explained that the money was not coming from the general fund. He said it was coming from a special fund that had been set aside for things like this. Hey Rosie! It's still taxpayer money! Money that we apparently didn't have enough of to pay our city workers without putting some on furlough. How do you explain this kind of economics to the ones that have seen their paychecks cut? Next time instead of spending taxpayer money let's get a corporate sponsor to fund the trip. We could just put it on Sea Island's tab. They probably wouldn't even notice...since they already owe just everybody around here anyway!

Here are the top 4 things overheard during the Brunswick delegation's latest trip to China:

4. Since they already own half of our country,maybe we could get them to help out Sea Island.

3. Hey Skinny, Funny Man...Deal or No Deal!

2. See if you can get them to build a factory at Liberty Harbor.

...and the top thing overheard during the Brunswick delegation's latest trip to China:

I've never seen a Peking Duck with four legs and whiskers.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: an idea about tolerance

2010-09-27T07:57:00.000-07:00

My old friend Bubba Ray Smith has an idea about tolerance:

I am shocked that so many Americans are against building a mosque near Ground Zero.We should allow it, but in order to promote tolerance....

I propose that a country honky tonk and a hip hop club could bee opened next door to the mosque to promote tolerance in the mosque. We could call it "The Turban Cowboy" and "You Mecca Me Hot". Next door on the other side, could be a butcher shop that specializes in pork and pork products, and makes a nice lunchtime pulled pork sandwich. Then across the street, a very daring lingerie store, called "Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret”.

And, skin heads & white supremacists would be renting a store front tattoo parlor just above the butcher shop, which would of course be just a few feet down from the Armed Forces Recruiting Office … just a step or two from the VA administration office. To make the neighborhood and street complete I also propose that we build the largest Southern Baptist Church in the country with shared parking with the mosque, which must allow use of their parking lot for old fashioned tent revivals. You know.... just to promote that, “tolerance thing”!

Oh yeah, I almost forgot, Hell’s Angels are looking for a new area for a clubhouse…Are you thinking what I’m thinking? Yep, I know the perfect area. Hey, just trying to promote that tolerance thing. I’m a good person who has concerns for my fellow citizens… what can I say? If your tolerance promoting is similar to mine then by all means pass this along, especially to politicians everywhere.

Signed, Bubba Ray Smith, TPM (tolerance promoting manager) of the good ole US of A.

**This message was made in America without harming any cats or dogs…or fish… or horses, or cows or chickens or pigs or ferrets.

PS. Did I mention that the women from P.E.T.A. would be naked on every street corner raising awareness about the evils of wearing fur? Gosh I love this country….Wish everybody did.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: The 5 Best Sentences

2010-09-26T07:12:00.000-07:00

A Norman Rockwell Moment ...
These are possibly the 5 best sentences you'll ever read:

1. You cannot legislate the poor into prosperity by legislating the
wealth out of prosperity.

2. What one person receives without working for, another person must
work for without receiving.

3. The government cannot give to anybody anything that the government
does not first take from somebody else.

4. When half of the people get the idea that they do not have to
work because the other half is going to take care of them, and when the
other half gets the idea that it does no good to work, because somebody
else is going to get what they work for, that my dear friend, is the
beginning of the end of any nation.

5. You cannot multiply wealth by dividing it.

2010-09-24T11:14:00.000-07:00

OIL - you better sit down. ..

Here's an interesting read, important and verifiable information :

About 6 months ago, the writer was watching a news program on oil and
one of the Forbes Bros. was the guest. The host said to Forbes, "I am going to
ask you a direct question and I would like a direct answer; how much oil
does the U.S. have in the ground?" Forbes did not miss a beat, he said, "more
than all the Middle East put together." Please read below.

The U. S. Geological Service issued a report in April 2008 that only
scientists and oil men knew was coming, but man was it big. It was a
revised report (hadn't been updated since 1995) on how much oil was in
this area of the western 2/3 of North Dakota , western South Dakota , and extreme eastern Montana … check THIS out:

http://bakkenshale.net/bakkenshalemap.html

The Bakken is the largest domestic oil discovery since Alaska 's Prudhoe
Bay, and has the potential to eliminate all American dependence on foreign
oil. The Energy Information Administration (EIA) estimates it at 503 billion
barrels. Even if just 10% of the oil is recoverable... at $107 a barrel,
we're looking at a resource base worth more than $5..3 trillion.

"When I first briefed legislators on this, you could practically see
their jaws hit the floor. They had no idea.." says Terry Johnson, the Montana
Legislature's financial analyst.

"This sizable find is now the highest-producing onshore oil field found
in the past 56 years," reports The Pittsburgh Post Gazette. It's a
formation known as the Williston Basin , but is more commonly referred to as the
'Bakken.' It stretches from Northern Montana, through North Dakota and
into Canada ... For years, U. S. oil exploration has been considered a dead
end. Even the 'Big Oil' companies gave up searching for major oil wells
decades ago. However, a recent technological breakthrough has opened up
the Bakken's massive reserves...and we now have access of up to 500
billion barrels. And because this is light, sweet oil, those billions of barrels
will cost Americans just $16 PER BARREL!

That's enough crude to fully fuel the American economy for 2041 years
straight. And if THAT didn't throw you on the floor, then this next one
should - because it's from 2006!

U. S. Oil Discovery- Largest Reserve in the World

Stansberry Report Online - 4/20/2006

Hidden 1,000 feet beneath the surface of the Rocky Mountains lies the
largest untapped oil reserve in the world. It is more than 2 TRILLION
barrels. On August 8, 2005 President Bush mandated its extraction. In
three and a half years of high oil prices none has been extracted. With this
mother load of oil why are we still fighting over off-shore drilling?

They reported this stunning news: We have more oil inside our borders,
than all the other proven reserves on earth. Here are the official estimates:

- 8-times as much oil as Saudi Arabia

- 18-times as much oil as Iraq

- 21-times as much oil as Kuwait

- 22-times as much oil as Iran

- 500-times as much oil as Yemen

- and it's all right here in the Western United States .

HOW can this BE? HOW can we NOT BE extracting this? Because the
environmentalists and others have blocked all efforts to help America
become independent of foreign oil! Again, we are letting a small group of
people dictate our lives and our economy.....WHY?

James Bartis, lead researcher with the study says we've got more oil in
this very compact area than the entire Middle East -more than 2 TRILLION
barrels untapped. That's more than all the proven oil reserves of crude oil in
the world today, reports The Denver Post.

Don't think 'OPEC' will drop its price - even with this find? Think
again! It's all about the competitive marketplace, - it has to. Think OPEC just
might be funding the environmentalists?

Got your attention yet? Now, while you're thinking about it, do this:

Pass this along. If you don't take a little time to do this, then you
should stifle yourself the next time you complain about gas prices - by
doing NOTHING, you forfeit your right to complain.

--------

Now I just wonder what would happen in this country if every one of you
sent this to every one in your address book.

By the way...this is all true. Check it out at the link below!!!

GOOGLE it, or follow this link. It will blow your mind.

http://www.usgs.gov/newsroom/article.asp?ID=1911

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "A GaGa Challenge"

2010-09-16T05:06:00.001-07:00

Lady GaGa made headlines again recently with her choice of wardrobe. The wild singer showed up at the Video Awards Show wearing a meat dress. It was a garment made of real raw meat. I am now mad that she hasn't shown the same love for seafood. Hey GaGa, how bout a little respect for the "fruit of the sea"? I am putting a direct challenge for her to wear my specially designed shrimp shirt. If she accepts this offer we will give her V.I.P treatment at this weekend's Wild Georgia Shrimp & Grits Festival in Jekyll Island's Historic District. I will wear this shirt tomorrow morning during the Wave 104.1 morning show (streaming at thewave1041.com). As you can tell by the photo this attire is very aromatic.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Teacher's Application"

2010-09-11T20:28:00.000-07:00

"Teacher's Application"

After being interviewed by the school administration,
the teaching prospect said, 'Let me see if I've got
this right:

You want me to go into that room with all those kids,
correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for
signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor
their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for
learning.

You want me to check their backpacks for weapons,
wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases,
and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.

You want me to teach them patriotism and good
citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how
to register to vote, balance a checkbook and apply
for a job.

You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize
signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure they all
pass the state exams.

You want me to provide them with an equal education
regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly
with their parents by letter, telephone, newsletter, and
report cards.

You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a
blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile,
and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.

You want me to do all this, and then you tell me that
I CAN'T PRAY?'

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Wrecking Ball Sequels

2010-09-10T13:29:00.000-07:00

With the recent success of the "Wrecking Ball", the United Way of Coastal Georgia's kick-off event, we should try to come up with a few sequels. The name came from the soon to be demolition of the Jekyll island Convention Center or as it was known to us locals "the Aquarama". I say we find other places in the community that either need renovation or removal and that we do a big dance there as a fund raiser.

Here's a few ideas:

As a tribute to those rascals that skipped town after trying to convince us that folks would actually want to live in an expensive home next to a gypsum plant and a frozen food plant we could go to "The Liberty Harbor Gettin' Out of Town Throw down."

For that rain damaged store on Cypress Mill Road we could promote "The Raise Roof Old brunswick Mall Family Dollar Dance."

The downtown crowd would love "The Move The Jailhouse Rock the Night Away."

And of course we could really clean up one of the city's most blighted areas with the Norwich Street Soiree and Arco Ho-down."

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Things that you should learn in high school"

2010-09-09T04:20:00.000-07:00

From Educator Charles Sykes's book "Dumbing Down Our Kids"

"11 rules your kids did not and will not learn in school"

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Inner Peace"

2010-09-07T03:28:00.001-07:00

Inner Peace: This is so true

If you can start the day without caffeine,

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it,

If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time,

If you can take criticism and blame without resentment ,

If you can conquer tension without medical help,

If you can relax without liquor,

If you can sleep without the aid of drugs,

.....Then You Are Probably The Family Dog!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "A New Disease"

2010-09-03T03:43:00.000-07:00

Gonorrhea Lectim

Information about Gonorrhea Lectim

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of this old disease.

The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim.

It's pronounced "Gonna re-elect 'em," and it is a terrible obamanation.

The disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior involving putting your cranium up your rectum.

Many victims contracted it in 2008...but now most people, after having been infected for the past 1-2 years, are starting to realize how destructive this sickness is.

It's sad because Gonorrhea Lectim is easily cured with a new drug just coming on the market called Votemout.

You take the first dose in 2010 and the second dose in 2012 and simply don't engage in such behavior again;

Otherwise, it could become permanent and eventually wipe out all life as we know it.

Several states are already on top of this, like Virginia and New Jersey , and apparently now Massachusetts , with many more seeing the writing on the wall.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Vanishing Things"

2010-08-31T13:20:00.000-07:00

One person's opinion but it does seem possible

As received

1. The Post Office:

Get ready to imagine a world without the post office.
They are so deeply in financial trouble that there is probably
no way to sustain it long term.
Email, Fed Ex, and UPS have just about wiped out the
minimum revenue needed to keep the post office alive.
Most of your mail every day is junk mail and bills.

2. The Check:

Britain is already laying the groundwork to do away with cheques by 2018.
In Europe they are hardly used now.
It costs the financial system billions of dollars a year to process checks.
Plastic cards and online transactions will lead to the eventual demise
of the check. This plays right into the death of the post office.
If you never paid your bills by mail and never received them by mail,
the post office would absolutely go out of business

3. The Newspaper:

The younger generation simply doesn't read the newspaper.
They certainly don't subscribe to a daily delivered print edition.
That may go the way of the milkman and the laundry man.
As for reading the paper online, get ready to pay for it.
The rise in mobile Internet devices and e-readers has caused
all the newspaper and magazine publishers to form an alliance.
They have met with Apple, Amazon, and the major cell phone
companies to develop a model for paid subscription services.

4. The Book:

You say you will never give up the physical book that you hold
in your hand and turn the literal pages. I said the same thing about
downloading music from iTunes. I wanted my hard copy CD. But I
quickly changed my mind when I discovered that I could get
albums for half the price without ever leaving home to get the
latest music. The same thing will happen with books. You can
browse a bookstore online and even read a preview chapter
before you buy. And the price is less than half that of a real book.
And think of the convenience! Once you start flicking your
fingers on the screen instead of the book, you find that you are
lost in the story, can't wait to see what happens next, and you
forget that you're holding a gadget instead of a book.

5. The Land Line Telephone:

Unless you have a large family and make a lot of local calls,
you don't need it anymore. Most people keep it simply
because they're always had it. But you are paying double
charges for that extra service.
All the cell phone companies will let you call customers using
the same cell provider for no charge against your minutes.

6. Music:

This is one of the saddest parts of the change story.
The music industry is dying a slow death. Not just because
of illegal downloading. It's the lack of innovative new music
being given a chance to get to the people who would like
to hear it. Greed and corruption is the problem. The record
labels and the radio conglomerates simply self-destruction.
Over 40% of the music purchased today is "catalogue items,"
meaning traditional music that the public is familiar with. Older
established artists. This is also true on the live concert circuit.
To explore this fascinating and disturbing topic further, check
out the book, "Appetite for Self-Destruction" by Steve Knopper,
and the video documentary, "Before the Music Dies."

7. Television:

Revenues to the networks are down dramatically. Not just because
of the economy. People are watching TV and movies streamed
from their computers. And they're playing games and doing all lots
of other things that take up the time that used to be spent watching TV.
Prime time shows have degenerated down to lower than the lowest
common denominator. Cable rates are skyrocketing and commercials
run about every 4 minutes and 30 seconds. I say good riddance to
most of it It's time for the cable companies to be put out of our misery.
Let the people choose what they want to watch online and through Netflix.

8. The "Things" That You Own:

Many of the very possessions that we used to own are still in our lives,
but we may not actually own them in the future. They may simply
reside in "the cloud." Today your computer has a hard drive and
you store your pictures, music, movies, and documents. Your
software is on a CD or DVD, and you can always re-install it if
need be. But all of that is changing. Apple, Microsoft, and
Google are all finishing up their latest "cloud services." That
means that when you turn on a computer, the Internet will be
built into the operating system. So, Windows, Google, and the
Mac OS will be tied straight into the Internet. If you click an
icon, it will open something in the Internet cloud. If you save
something, it will be saved to the cloud. And you may pay a
monthly subscription fee to the cloud provider.

In this virtual world, you can access your music or your books,
or your whatever from any laptop or handheld device.
That's the good news. But, will you actually own any of this
"stuff" or will it all be able to disappear at any moment in
a big "Poof?" Will most of the things in our lives be disposable
and whimsical? It makes you want to run to the closet and pull
out that photo album, grab a book from the shelf, or open up a
CD case and pull out the insert.

9. Privacy:

If there ever was a concept that we can look back on nostalgically,
it would be privacy. That's gone. It's been gone for a long time anyway.
There are cameras on the street, in most of the buildings, and even
built into your computer and cell phone. But you can be sure that 24/7
"They" know who you are and where you are, right down to the GPS
coordinates, and the Google Street View. If you buy something,
your habit is put into a zillion profiles, and your ads will change to
reflect those habits. And "They" will try to get you to buy something
else. Again and again.

.....All we will have that can't be changed are Memories......
Take Heed!

Author Unknown.

2010-08-21T18:37:00.000-07:00

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Monkey Shines!

2010-08-21T18:30:00.001-07:00

Best analogy I've seen in quite a while.........
We need to do this!!!

Start with a cage containing five monkeys. Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana.

As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all the other monkeys with cold water. After a while another monkey makes the attempt with same result, all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put the cold water away. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs.

To his shock, all of the other monkeys attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one.

The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm.

Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs he is attacked.

Most of the monkeys that are beating him up have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey. After replacing all of the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana.

Why not?

Because as far as they know, that is the way it has always been done around here.

And that, gentlemen, is how Congress operates....

We need to REPLACE all the original monkeys this November.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: A Speech Every American High School Principal Should Give

2010-08-21T17:48:00.000-07:00

A Speech Every American High School Principal Should Give
By Dennis Prager

If every school principal gave this speech at the beginning of the next school year, America would be a better place.

To the students and faculty of our high school:

I am your new principal, and honored to be so. There is no greater calling than to teach young people.

I would like to apprise you of some important changes coming to our school. I am making these changes because I am convinced that most of the ideas that have dominated public education in America have worked against you, against your teachers and against our country.

First, this school will no longer honor race or ethnicity. I could not care less if your racial makeup is black, brown, red, yellow or white. I could not care less if your origins are African, Latin American, Asian or European, or if your ancestors arrived here on the Mayflower or on slave ships.

The only identity I care about, the only one this school will recognize, is your individual identity -- your character, your scholarship, your humanity. And the only national identity this school will care about is American. This is an American public school, and American public schools were created to make better Americans.

If you wish to affirm an ethnic, racial or religious identity through school, you will have to go elsewhere. We will end all ethnicity-, race- and non-American nationality-based celebrations. They undermine the motto of America, one of its three central values -- e pluribus unum, "from many, one." And this school will be guided by America's values.

This includes all after-school clubs. I will not authorize clubs that divide students based on any identities. This includes race, language, religion, sexual orientation or whatever else may become in vogue in a society divided by political correctness.

Your clubs will be based on interests and passions, not blood, ethnic, racial or other physically defined ties. Those clubs just cultivate narcissism -- an unhealthy preoccupation with the self -- while the purpose of education is to get you to think beyond yourself. So we will have clubs that transport you to the wonders and glories of art, music, astronomy, languages you do not already speak, carpentry and more. If the only extracurricular activities you can imagine being interesting in are those based on ethnic, racial or sexual identity, that means that little outside of yourself really interests you.

Second, I am uninterested in whether English is your native language. My only interest in terms of language is that you leave this school speaking and writing English as fluently as possible. The English language has united America's citizens for over 200 years, and it will unite us at this school. It is one of the indispensable reasons this country of immigrants has always come to be one country. And if you leave this school without excellent English language skills, I would be remiss in my duty to ensure that you will be prepared to successfully compete in the American job market. We will learn other languages here -- it is deplorable that most Americans only speak English -- but if you want classes taught in your native language rather than in English, this is not your school.

Third, because I regard learning as a sacred endeavor, everything in this school will reflect learning's elevated status. This means, among other things, that you and your teachers will dress accordingly. Many people in our society dress more formally for Hollywood events than for church or school. These people have their priorities backward. Therefore, there will be a formal dress code at this school.

Fourth, no obscene language will be tolerated anywhere on this school's property -- whether in class, in the hallways or at athletic events. If you can't speak without using the f-word, you can't speak. By obscene language I mean the words banned by the Federal Communications Commission, plus epithets such as "Nigger," even when used by one black student to address another black, or "bitch," even when addressed by a girl to a girlfriend. It is my intent that by the time you leave this school, you will be among the few your age to instinctively distinguish between the elevated and the degraded, the holy and the obscene.

Fifth, we will end all self-esteem programs. In this school, self-esteem will be attained in only one way -- the way people attained it until decided otherwise a generation ago -- by earning it . One immediate consequence is that there will be one valedictorian, not eight.

Sixth, and last, I am reorienting the school toward academics and away from politics and propaganda. No more time will devoted to scaring you about smoking and caffeine, or terrifying you about sexual harassment or global warming. No more semesters will be devoted to condom wearing and teaching you to regard sexual relations as only or primarily a health issue. There will be no more attempts to convince you that you are a victim because you are not white, or not male, or not heterosexual or not Christian. We will have failed if any one of you graduates this school and does not consider himself or herself inordinately lucky -- to be alive and to be an American.

Now, please stand and join me in the Pledge of Allegiance to the flag of our country. As many of you do not know the words, your teachers will hand them out to you.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Drafting Guys Over 60

2010-08-12T03:55:00.000-07:00

This is funny & obviously written by a Former Soldier...

New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60!

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces think I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some jerk that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for awhile.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical SOB.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns... We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old coots with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.

HEY!! How about recruiting Women over 50...in menopause!!! You think MEN have attitudes??
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my!!! If nothing else, put them on border patrol. They'll have it secured the first night!

2010-07-29T13:45:00.000-07:00

ROBIN WILLIAMS HAS A PLAN

Robin Williams, wearing a shirt that says, 'I love New York ' in Arabic.
HE MADE THIS SPEECH IN NEW YORK ...

The Plan!

You gotta love Robin Williams.
Even if he's nuts!

Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan.
What we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message.

Robin Williams' plan. (Hard to argue with this logic!)

'I see a lot of people yelling for peace, but I have not heard of a plan for peace. So, here's one plan.'

1) 'The US will apologize to the world for our 'interference' in their affairs, past & present.
You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those 'good 'ole' boys'.
We will never 'interfere' again.

2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany , South Korea , the Middle East, and the Philippines .
They don't want us there.
We would station troops at our borders.
No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave.
We'll give them a free trip home.
After 90 days, the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of whom or where they are.
They're illegal!
France will welcome them.

4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days, unless given a special permit!
No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in.
If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here.
Asylum would never be available to anyone.
We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

5) No foreign 'students' over age 21.
The older ones are the bombers.
If they don't attend classes, they get a 'D' and it's back home baby.

6) The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy wise.
This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness.
The caribou will have to cope for a while.

7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil.
If they don't like it, we go someplace else.
They can go somewhere else to sell their production.
(About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not 'interfere.'
They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need.
Besides most of what we give them is stolen or given to the army.
The people who need it most get very little, if anything.

9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace.
We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here.
Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school.
That way, no one can call us 'Ugly Americans' any longer.
The Language we speak is ENGLISH.
Learn it or LEAVE.
Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?

'The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying 'Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.'
She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Fake Money in Brunswick & the Golden Isles

2010-07-16T04:16:00.000-07:00

There are 5 signs that one in your hand is fake money:

1. It simply different from the genuine money. Take money that you sure genuine and compare with one that you suspect fake. For low quality fake money, at a single glance you will realize the different. A magnifying glass might help too.

2. See the portrait. Pay close attention to the details of the portraits. Genuine money will have a much clearer and finer looking portrait. The portrait in fake money typically appears dull or has a less lucid appearance.

3. Inspect the Federal Reserve and United States Treasury seals. Genuine money will have seals that sharp, arrow-like border which is distinct and much defined. Seals on fake money, on the other hand, usually blur.

4. Look for watermark. Watermark is an image which appears on genuine money when you hold it in front of light. Watermark usually matches the portrait and the denomination. Watermark is costly for counterfeiters to make.

5. The feel and smell of it. Trust yourself, feel the paper. You are very used with genuine money, you know the paper. Genuine money use special paper and it feels of high quality then the ordinary paper. If the money is new then smells it, in my place new genuine money smells shity (but nice!).
According to the Brunswick Police Department more counterfeit bills are showing up in Brunswick and in Camden County. The authorities think that its being produced locally because of the poor quality. Bills printed before 1996 weren’t made with the chemicals to set off a counterfeit pen. Older bills will appear fake when marked even if they are real. The $50 bill is commonly counterfeited because people don’t encounter them as much as other bills.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: The Turtle Burger

2010-07-15T04:53:00.000-07:00

Here's the new rival to the baconator - The turtle burger

Handmade ground beef patties, topped with sharp cheddar cheese, wrapped in a bacon weave, then the next step, add hotdogs as the heads, legs and tail. Next step?

Place on an oven rack, covered loosely with foil and baked for 20-30 minutes at
400 degrees. A little crispy, not too crunchy...just how a turtle should be!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "It Can't Be My Fault!"

2010-07-07T17:09:00.000-07:00

What's happened to our society when it comes to responsibility? Have you noticed that it's always someone else's fault. Very few people will admit to being in the wrong. The latest it's not my fault is "being overserved". Yeah, it's no longer your fault that you drank too much at the party or at the bar. You were overserved.
Say what? No one poured whiskey or beer down your throat. You weren't overserved! You drank too much! Face it, it was your fault! As the Great American Dream Dusty Rhodes once said, "if you're gonna talk the talk, you gotta walk the walk!"

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Doing It Right"

2010-07-06T12:03:00.000-07:00

Doing it Right...

What could happen if you screw with a TEXAS law enforcement officer...

Living on the border, TEXANS are all familiar with criminals coming from Mexican gangs. In this situation, three armed felons crossed the TEXAS sovereign border, and tried to rob an off duty El Paso, TEXAS police officer dressed in civilian clothes while he stood in front of a bank. The plan was for two of them to grab his backpack and toss it to an accomplice on a stolen motorcycle.

However, this well prepared El Paso Police Officer shot them ALL, managing to kill 2 immediately. The 3rd thug was shot in both arms and bled to death before help arrived.

Do you realize how much this TEXAN saved the US taxpayer by not having to prosecute these worthless thugs?

Arrest and detention for 1 night = $6,000

Transportation for deportation back to Mexico the next day = $1,000

Air time for Obama to apologize in 30 min speech = $25,000,000 = $25,007,000

Three .45 rounds = $.75

Auction one slightly used but scratched motorcycle = $2,500

Taxpayer savings = $25,004,499.25

Not bad, not bad at all!

They picked the wrong man to rob... too bad for them ALL!

Only in TEXAS... God Bless TEXANS!

THE AVERAGE RESPONSE TIME FOR A 911 CALL IS EIGHTEEN MINUTES.

THE AVERAGE RESPONSE TIME FOR A .45 S&W ROUND IS ABOUT 1,025 FEET PER SECOND. . .

GO DO THE MATH!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Let Me See If I Get This Right

2010-07-06T04:27:00.000-07:00

IF YOU CROSS THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET 12 YEARS HARD LABOR.

IF YOU CROSS THE IRANIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU ARE DETAINED INDEFINITELY.

IF YOU CROSS THE AFGHAN BORDER ILLEGALLY, YOU GET SHOT.

IF YOU CROSS THE SAUDI ARABIAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE JAILED.

IF YOU CROSS THE CHINESE BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU MAY NEVER BE HEARD FROM AGAIN.

IF YOU CROSS THE VENEZUELAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE BRANDED A SPY AND YOUR FATE WILL BE SEALED.

IF YOU CROSS THE CUBAN BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU WILL BE THROWN INTO POLITICAL PRISON TO ROT.

IF YOU CROSS THE U.S. BORDER ILLEGALLY YOU GET

A JOB, A DRIVERS LICENSE, SOCIAL SECURITY CARD, WELFARE, FOOD STAMPS, CREDIT CARDS, SUBSIDIZED RENT OR A LOAN TO BUY A HOUSE, FREE EDUCATION, FREE HEALTH CARE, A LOBBYIST IN WASHINGTON BILLIONS OF DOLLARS WORTH OF PUBLIC DOCUMENTS PRINTED IN YOUR LANGUAGE THE RIGHT TO CARRY YOUR COUNTRY’S FLAG WHILE YOU PROTEST THAT YOU DON’T GET ENOUGH RESPECT AND, IN MANY INSTANCES, YOU CAN VOTE.

I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE I HAD A FIRM GRASP ON THE SITUATION

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: When The Music Stopped

2010-07-02T05:17:00.000-07:00

When the Music Stopped...
(For those who are unaware: At all military base theaters, the National Anthem is played before the movie begins.)

This is written from a Chaplain in Iraq :

I recently attended a showing of 'Superman 3' here at LSA Anaconda. We have a large auditorium we use for movies, as well as memorial services and other large gatherings. As is the custom at all military bases, we stood to attention when the National Anthem began before the main feature. All was going well until three-quarters of the way through The National Anthem, the music stopped.

Now, what would happen if this occurred with 1,000, 18-22 year-olds back in the States? I imagine there would be hoots, catcalls, laughter, a few rude comments, and everyone would sit down and yell for the movie to begin. Of course, that is, if they had stood for the National Anthem in the first place.

Here in Iraq, 1,000 Soldiers continued to stand at attention, eyes fixed forward. The music started again and the Soldiers continued to quietly stand at attention. But again, at the same point, the music stopped. What would you expect 1000 Soldiers standing at attention to do?? Frankly, I expected some laughter, and everyone would eventually sit down and wait for the movie to start.

But No!!... You could have heard a pin drop, while every Soldier continued to stand at attention.

Suddenly,there was a lone voice from the front of the auditorium, then a dozen voices, and soon the room was filled with the voices of a thousand soldiers, finishing where the recording left off: "And the rockets' red glare, the bombs bursting in air, gave proof through the night that our flag was still there. Oh, say does that Star Spangled Banner yet wave, o'er the land of the free, and the home of the brave."

It was the most inspiring moment I have had in Iraq and I wanted you to know what kind of Soldiers are serving you. Remember them as they fight for us!

Pass this along as a reminder to others to be ever in prayer for all our soldiers serving us here at home and abroad. Many have already paid the ultimate price.

Written by Chaplain Jim Higgins.
LSA Anaconda is at the Ballad Airport in Iraq , north of Baghdad.

Please share only if you are so inclined. God Bless America and all of our troops serving through out
the world.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: GAC’s Top 20 Patriotic Songs

2010-07-02T04:40:00.000-07:00

By David Scarlett, with Sarah Wyland

If you want to hear patriotic songs, whether openly saluting the military or just extolling the virtues of everyday life in America, country music is a great place to start. In recent years we’ve heard heartfelt songs by several artists who may not be household names yet–like ex-soldiers Luke Stricklin (”American by God’s Amazing Grace”) and Keni Thomas’ (”Not Me”). But the tunes that made it on our list of the 20 Greatest Country Patriotic Songs are by some of country’s most influential artists, and these patriotic tunes are among their most enduring. For those counting, we even included an extra song. In no particular order, here they are:

“If You’re Reading This” (2007) co-written and performed by Tim McGraw
When Tim McGraw performed “If You’re Reading This” at the 2007 Academy of Country Music Awards, there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. The song is a tribute to fallen soldiers and takes the form of a letter, meant to be read only if the soldier didn’t return home. Co-written with Brad and Brett Warren of the Warren Brothers, the track was inspired by an article the three men read about war casualties. After Tim’s performance at the ACM awards, one hundred relatives of soldiers who died in the line of duty appeared onstage under a banner that read ‘Families of Fallen Heroes.’ An emotional Tim rightly received a standing ovation from his fellow country artists.

“Courtesy of the Red, White & Blue (The Angry American)” (2002) written and performed by Toby Keith
Written just days after the attacks of 9/11, this tune makes no bones about it—Toby was fighting mad. Written partly as a tribute to his war veteran father, the song summed up the feelings of a lot of Americans who wanted a very forceful response to an assault by terrorists on innocent men, women and children. It became a rallying cry for our troops and a thorn in the side of people like Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks who called the song “ignorant” and Peter Jennings of ABC News, who uninvited Toby to be part of a patriotic television special after reading the lyrics of “Courtesy.” While Toby doesn’t describe himself as a very political guy, he is a “very patriotic” guy. “If you believe in it enough, it’s worth fightin’ for,” he’s been quoted as saying. “And if you’re not gonna fight for it, then you deserve to be dictated to, you know—and I’m not willing to do that.”

“God Bless the USA” (1983), written and performed by Lee Greenwood
Often called the “unofficial National Anthem,” in 2003—the 20th anniversary of its release—online voters named this powerful song the “most recognizable patriotic song” in the nation. And, after nearly 25 years, the song Lee wrote to show his appreciation for his country and his willingness to defend it still routinely brings crowds to their feet at the opening strains of the first chorus. While cynics may describe it as jingoistic, there are a good many citizens who, to this day, cannot hear its heartfelt championing of America’s virtues without getting misty.

“Letters from Home” (2004) written by Tony Lane and David Lee and performed by John Michael Montgomery
Inspired by the American military involvement in Afghanistan and Iraq, this song is based on the military, but it’s really about family and how important it is for those serving in far-away conflicts to know that loved ones are thinking about them…and how important letters are and always have been in doing that. “I went to Ft. Hood,” recalls John Michael. “And I met a father there who told me, ‘I lost my son.’ And they thanked me for the song. It’s just one of those special songs.”

“Some Gave All” (1992) Co-written and performed by Billy Ray Cyrus
This was the title cut of Billy Ray’s debut album, which eventually sold approximately 14 million copies worldwide. The song is a tribute to the sacrifices of all veterans of war and was recorded after Billy Ray met a Vietnam veteran who later died. Not surprisingly, “Some” has been embraced by veterans’ groups and has also been featured as the plotline in Billy Ray’s former “Doc” TV series. As a truly personal tribute, some rescue workers at “ground zero” in New York later got “Some Gave All” tattoos in memory of their lost friends.

“Bumper of My SUV” (2004) written and recorded by Chely Wright
As Chely tells it, this song was based on an actual event that happened when she was driving down a Nashville street and received an obscene gesture from a fellow motorist because of the United States Marines sticker Chely had on her vehicle. Chely, who describes herself in the song as “not Republican or Democrat,” is a patriot through and through, having visited and performed for troops around the world on numerous occasions.
She comes by her commitment to supporting the troops honestly. As the lyrics say, See, my brother Chris, he’s been in for more than 14 years now/Our dad was in the Navy during Vietnam/Did his duty then he got out/And my grandpa earned his purple heart on the beach of Normandy/That’s why I’ve got a sticker for the U.S. Marines, on the bumper of my SUV.
The song generates standing ovations wherever she plays it. She may never have fired a weapon in combat, but Chely continues to serve her country.

“Only in America” (2001) written by Kix Brooks, Don Cook, and Ronnie Rogers, performed by Brooks & Dunn
This song was written before 9/11 and, like “American Child” by Phil Vassar, it is all about celebrating the freedom and opportunity to be found in America where anything is possible…from becoming president to going to prison. But after the attacks in September 2001, things changed. “In times like these, songs take on special meaning,” declared Kix a couple weeks after the attacks. “Songs like these really hit home right now. Everybody is looking for a flag to wave.”

“American Child” (2002) by Phil Vassar and Craig Wiseman, performed by Phil Vassar
The video for this song sums it up very nicely as Phil looks at his own young daughter with immense gratitude that she, too, was born an American child. This very well-crafted tune is patriotic in a way that honors the sacifice of a grandfather killed in combat while also gently counting the blessings provided to Phil, his own child and millions of others in a country where dreams can grow wild born inside an American child. Very powerful and moving.

“The Fightin’ Side of Me” (1970) written and performed by Merle Haggard
While Merle doesn’t mince words when he says he feels that people in positions of leadership are making mistakes, he makes it clear in this tune from the Vietnam era that he doesn’t mind people standing up for things they believe in, but running down the country is a different thing entirely. There were then, and still are today, plenty of folks who think Merle got it right when he said a lot of people fought and died to give us the American way of life. We can disagree about specifics without trashing the country. Amen, Merle.

“America” (1984) written by Sammy Johns and performed by Waylon Jennings
This was a song Waylon carried with him for years and rediscovered after the 1984 Olympics inspired him to write a patriotic song and he found himself dissatisfied with his attempts. After another listen, he knew “America” captured what he’d been trying to say. “It wasn’t just flag waving,” wrote Waylon in his autobiography. “It was talking about the ideals we had fought for and the blunders committed in their name and the honor that lay behind our national character.” Unlike some patriotic songs, this one admits that America isn’t perfect, but professes a tender love for what’s right about the country, what’s unique in all of history and what’s worth preserving.

“In America” (1980 and re-released in 2001) written by Charlie Daniels, John Thomas Crain Jr., Joel Di Gregorio, Fred Laroy Edwards, Charles Fred Hayward, and James Marshall and recorded by Charlie Daniels
Never one to tiptoe around a subject he’s passionate about, Charlie proclaims his love of America to anyone within shouting distance. In this foot-stomping up-tempo number, he admits that every now and then Americans will criticize each other, but when it comes to being attacked by someone from elsewhere, Americans will rally together.
“Once you get past the superficial part of the people of this country,” he proclaims, “we all have one thing in common. We are Americans and damn proud of it, and when you mess with one of us, you mess with all of us. God Bless America.” With the song’s re-release following the 9/11 attacks, a whole new generation of listeners heard and embraced Charlie’s sentiments.

“Arlington” (2005) written by Jeremy Spillman and Dave Turnbull and recorded by Trace Adkins
This is a hugely powerful song in the voice of a fallen soldier being returned to his parents and to his final resting place, Arlington National Cemetery, a place he had visited as a child with his father to see his grandfather’s grave.
The song was hugely popular and was steadily combing the charts when Trace got word that some military families had some issues with it. So, without a moment’s hesitation, Trace had his record label stop promoting the song because—in spite of the many people who loved the tune—the last thing he wanted to do was cause a military family any discomfort.

“Ragged Old Flag” (1974) written and performed by Johnny Cash
This is simply a beautifully eloquent tribute to the ideals that are America and the flag that represents them. Johnny carefully crafted the lyrics in such a way that a ragged flag on a courthouse square is battered, torn and scarred from the battles she’s been in, but still flying high. And as an old man on a park bench details the flag’s imperfections to a stranger, he re-discovers his own pride in America and sums it up like this: “And she’s getting thread bare, and she’s wearing thin, but she’s in good shape, for the shape she’s in. ‘Cause she’s been through the fire before and I believe she can take a whole lot more.”

“They Also Serve” (2005) written by Jerry Holthouse and Tony Seibert and recorded by John Conlee
This song looks at the often-ignored side of a soldier’s service to his or her country—the loved ones left behind to keep the home fires burning. Inspired by scenes of the soldiers shipping off to fight in Iraq and Afghanistan, the song struck an especially poignant chord with John, whose own son was getting ready to join the conflict not long after the song was recorded. It’s been hugely uplifting to family members who’ve heard the song and realize that the sacrifices they’re making and the service they’re providing by doing without their military loved ones are appreciated. And they absolutely should be.

“Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning)” (2002) written and recorded by Alan Jackson
While not a patriotic song in the traditional sense, this song, written by Alan shortly after the 9/11 attacks, may in fact be the ultimate patriotic song. It addresses and validates all the emotions, thoughts and concerns that Americans felt after that horrific day. Whether he’s asking, “Did you dust off that bible at home or go out and buy you a gun,” Alan reveals how well he knows the rest of us by examining the effects on our national psyche the day so many were brutally taken from us. He ends each chorus as he ends the song, with the reminder that the greatest gift God gave us is love. It’s nothing short of a masterpiece, and Alan brought honor to the entire country music industry through writing it and offering it to people who might otherwise never have listened to country music—people who needed healing.

“Have You Forgotten” (2003) written by Wynn Varble and Darryl Worley and recorded by Darryl Worley
It’s hard to find a more passionate supporter of our military than Darryl. And after a USO tour of Afghanistan over the 2002 Christmas holidays, he knew he had to do something to fight for our service men and women the way he saw them fighting for us. So he and buddy Wynn Varble, who, like Darryl, thought a lot of Americans were settling back into a pre-war mindset, decided to write a song to remind all of us why we’re fighting.
The first performances of the song were on the Grand Ole Opry stage. “At the first Friday night show, they started applauding in the middle of the song,” recalls Darryl. “It startled me so much that I forgot a line. Every performance of it that weekend got ridiculous ovations. On the televised Grand Ole Opry show on Saturday night, people actually stood up at the beginning of the song and remained standing throughout the whole performance. They cheered and cheered and cheered. I’d never seen anything like it.
“By Monday morning, the label was getting phone calls from all over the country,” he continues. “Everyone was trying to get the song. So we put together a meeting as quick as we could. We set up a recording date right then. And it’s been like a whirlwind ever since.” The song was a career record that wound up spending six weeks at No. 1.

“I Just Came Back From A War” (2006) written by Wynn Varble and Darryl Worley and performed by Darryl Worley
In much the same way “Have You Forgotten” was inspired by events Darryl experienced while on a tour supporting our troops, “I Just Came Back from a War” was inspired by more conversations with troops…and by one specific event.
“I was talkin’ to this kid and he was telling me a very intense story,” explains Darryl. “Something had happened to him when he got home [from the war]. He got into a little trouble. It was obviously a product of what he’d been through. And this line just came to me, ‘Hey man, you know what? Cut me a little slack. I just came back from a war.’ And I just wrote that line down real fast. And I remember getting chills.

“In God We Still Trust” (2005) written by Kim Nash, Bill Nash and Rob LeClair and recorded by Diamond Rio
The reception to this song was curious, to say the least. It’s not overtly patriotic in a pro military or pro war sense, but it’s absolutely patriotic in its call to preserve America’s spiritual heritage and tradition. From the first performance, and at numerous shows thereafter (possibly even to this day), audiences rose to their feet and began cheering before Diamond Rio reached the first chorus. Yet the tune received precious little radio airplay. It’s obvious by the audience response that a lot of people embraced the song’s message—that a large and vital portion of America’s essential cultural fabric is being systematically eroded with the removal of any references to God. As might be expected, the song has its critics. But, there’s no denying that many thousands of country fans see things the way Diamond Rio does.
“Where the Stars and the Stripes and the Eagle Fly” (2001) written by Aaron Tippin, Casey Beathard and Kenny Beard and recorded byAaron Tippin
This tune was written about two-and-a-half years before the 9/11 attacks. But after that terrible day, Aaron knew it was time to finally record it and get the single out. And, lest anyone question his motives, Aaron made sure that proceeds from the song went to the American Red Cross. The song, like others of the period, lauds America’s virtues—freedom, hard work and the “lady in the harbor.” It was the kind of message a lot of fans wanted to hear from a man who has embodied patriotism throughout his career. “This song is an opportunity to speak to people,” said Aaron at the time. “And I hope it will help our country heal.”

“The Eagle” (1991) written by Hank Cochran, Red Lane and Mack Vickery and performed by Waylon Jennings
The eagle is a perfect metaphor for America—strong and willing to be peaceful, unless its feathers are ruffled. Then, the eye and talons that have been kept sharp through a period of calm may be pressed into service to deal with whatever threats may be on the horizon…or knocking on our door. Waylon delivers it masterfully and, coming near the time of the first Gulf War, it met with a receptive audience among country music fans.

“American Soldier” (2003) written by Toby Keith and Chuck Cannon and performed by Toby Keith
This song shows a side of Toby’s patriotism that a lot of people might have been surprised to see after having experienced the in-your-face righteous indignation he showcased in “Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue” in 2002. But “American Soldier” is simply the story of a family man who’s just trying to “Be a father, raise a daughter and a son, Be a lover to their mother, everything to everyone.” And, along with that, he straps on his boots and serves his country, knowing he’s got what it takes to do his duty, no matter what the price. This quiet strength is comforting in a way that an angrier song can’t be—even though they can both have their place at one time or another. But, as Toby states so simply, the bottom line with both tunes is that, because of American soldiers, we can sleep in peace tonight.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Listen!

2010-07-01T08:30:00.001-07:00

Can anyone do ANYTHING these days, without a cell phone stuck to their ear or a pair of ear buds or headphones? Put it down and listen to the world around you…the sound of children playing in a park or at the pool, hollering and yelling at each other…”hey give me back my I-Pod”, “give me back my video game!”…listen to the bees buzzing…or your drunk buzzing neighbor buzzing and then cussing anyone around him cause the liquor store has already closed. Listen to sounds on the street…the passing cars…the un-mufflered trucks and motorcycles…the working girls in Arco trying to get your attention as you drive by…”hey mister…”…the sound of yankees on the pier…”I really like it here, but the heat and the bugs…and these fireworks bring over too many commoners to the island…”you know, come to think of it, maybe the folks with the ear buds and phones stuck to their ears are onto something…maybe it’s better to drown the world around us…and get back to something a little calmer…forget all that stuff…just crank up the radio…we’ll give you what you need.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Great Arizona Billboard

2010-06-17T11:46:00.001-07:00

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Great Arizona Billboard

2010-06-17T11:46:00.000-07:00

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: ID

2010-06-16T13:03:00.000-07:00

I must show ID when:

1. Pulled over by the police.
2. Making purchases on my department store credit card.

3. When I show up for a doctor's appointment.

4. When filling out a credit card or loan application.

5. When applying for or renewing a driver's license or passport.

6. When applying for any kind of insurance.

7. When filling out college applications.

8. When donating blood.

9. When obtaining certain prescription drugs.

10. When making some debit purchases, especially if I'm out of state.

11. When collecting a boarding pass for airline or train travel.

I'm sure there are more instances, but the point is that we citizens of the USA are required to prove who we are nearly every day. Why should people in this country illegally be exempt?

GO ARIZONA !!!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: How To Fix Congress

2010-06-14T13:03:00.001-07:00

THIS IS HOW YOU FIX CONGRESS!!!!!
A friend sent this along to me. I can't think of a reason to disagree.

I am sending this to virtually everybody on my e-mail list and that includes conservatives, liberals, and everybody in between. Even though we disagree on a number of issues, I count all of you as friends. My friend and neighbor wants to promote a "Congressional Reform Act of 2010".. It would contain eight provisions, all of which would probably be strongly endorsed by those who drafted the Constitution and the Bill of Rights..

I know many of you will say, "this is impossible". Let me remind you, Congress has the lowest approval of any entity in Government, now is the time when Americans will join together to reform Congress - the entity that represents us.

We need to get a Senator to introduce this bill in the US Senate and a Representative to introduce a similar bill in the US House. These people will become American heros

Thanks,

A Fellow American

***********************************

Congressional Reform Act of 2010

1. Term Limits: 12 years only, one of the possible options below.

A. Two Six year Senate terms
B. Six Two year House terms
C. One Six year Senate term and three Two Year House terms

Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, serve your term(s), then go home and back to work.

2. No Tenure / No Pension:

A congressman collects a salary while in office and receives no pay when they are out of office.

Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, serve your term(s), then go home and back to work.

3. Congress (past, present & future) participates in Social Security:

All funds in the Congressional retirement fund moves to the Social Security system immediately. All future funds flow into the Social Security system, Congress participates with the American people.

Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, server your term(s), then go home and back to work.

4. Congress can purchase their own retirement plan just as all Americans.

Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, serve your term(s), then go home and back to work.

5. Congress will no longer vote themselves a pay raise. Congressional pay will rise by the lower of CPI or 3%.

Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, serve your term(s), then go home and back to work..

6. Congress loses their current health care system and participates in the same health care system as the American people.

Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, serve your term(s), then go home and back to work.

7. Congress must equally abide in all laws they impose on the American people.

Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, serve your term(s), then go home and back to work.

8. All contracts with past and present congressmen are void effective 1/1/11.

The American people did not make this contract with congressmen, congressmen made all these contracts for themselves.

Serving in Congress is an honor, not a career. The Founding Fathers envisioned citizen legislators, serve your term(s), then go home and back to work..

2010-06-14T12:45:00.000-07:00

BANANAS & MILKDUDS

Below is an article written by Rick Reilly of Sports Illustrated...
He details his experiences when given the opportunity to fly in an
F-14 Tomcat.. If you aren't laughing out loud by the time you get
To 'Milk Duds,' your sense of humor is seriously broken.

This message is for America 's most famous athletes:
Someday you may be invited to fly in the back-seat of one of your country's
most powerful fighter jets. Many of you already have. John Elway,
John Stockton, Tiger Woods to name a few. If you get this opportunity,
let me urge you, with the greatest sincerity.... Move to Guam !

Change your name.

Fake your own death!

Whatever you do, Do Not Go!!!

I know.

The U.S. Navy invited me to try it. I was thrilled. I was pumped.
I was toast! I should've known when they told me my pilot would
be Chip (Biff) King of Fighter Squadron 213 at Naval Air Station
Oceana in Virginia Beach ..

Whatever you're thinking a Top Gun named Chip (Biff) King looks
like, triple it. He's about six-foot, tan, ice-blue eyes, wavy surfer hair,
finger-crippling handshake -- the kind of man who wrestles
dyspeptic alligators in his leisure time. If you see this man, run the
other way. Fast.

Biff King was born to fly. His father, Jack King, was for years the
Voice of NASA missions. ('T-minus 15 seconds and counting'. Remember?)
Chip would charge neighborhood kids a quarter each to hear his dad.
Jack would wake up from naps surrounded by nine-year-olds waiting
for him to say, 'We have liftoff'.

Biff was to fly me in an F- 14D Tomcat, a ridiculously powerful $60 million
weapon with nearly as much thrust as weight, not unlike Colin Montgomerie.
I was worried about getting airsick, so the night before the flight I asked
Biff if there was something I should eat the next morning.

'Bananas,' he said.

'For the potassium?' I asked.

'No,' Biff said, 'because they taste about the same coming up
as they do going down.'

The next morning, out on the tarmac, I had on my flight suit with my name
sewn over the left breast. (No call sign -- like Crash or Sticky or Leadfoot.
but, still, very cool.) I carried my helmet in the crook of my arm, as Biff had
instructed. If ever in my life I had a chance to nail Nicole Kidman, this was it.

A fighter pilot named Psycho gave me a safety briefing and then fastened
me into my ejection seat, which, when employed, would 'egress' me out
of the plane at such a velocity that I would be immediately knocked
unconscious.

Just as I was thinking about aborting the flight, the canopy closed over me,
and Biff gave the ground crew a thumbs-up. In minutes we were firing nose
up at 600 mph. We leveled out and then canopy-rolled over another F-14.

Those 20 minutes were the rush of my life. Unfortunately, the ride lasted 80.
It was like being on the roller coaster at Six Flags Over Hell. Only without rails.
We did barrel rolls, snap rolls, loops, yanks and banks. We dived, rose and
dived again, sometimes with a vertical velocity of 10,000 feet per minute.
We chased another F-14, and it chased us.

We broke the speed of sound. Sea was sky and sky was sea. Flying at
200 feet we did 90-degree turns at 550 mph, creating a G force of 6.5,
which is to say I felt as if 6.5 times my body weight was smashing
against me, thereby approximating life as Mrs. Colin Montgomerie.

And I egressed the bananas.

And I egressed the pizza from the night before.

And the lunch before that.

I egressed a box of Milk Duds from the sixth grade.

I made Linda Blair look polite. Because of the G's, I was egressing
stuff that never thought would be egressed.

I went through not one airsick bag, but two.

Biff said I passed out. Twice.. I was coated in sweat. At one point,
as we were coming in upside down in a banked curve on a mock
bombing target and the G's were flattening me like a tortilla and I
was in and out of consciousness, I realized I was the first person
In history to throw down.

I used to know 'cool'. Cool was Elway throwing a touchdown pass,
or Norman making a five-iron bite.. But now I really know 'cool'.
Cool is guys like Biff, men with cast-iron stomachs and freon nerves.
I wouldn't go up there again for Derek Jeter's black book, but I'm
glad Biff does every day, and for less a year than a rookie reliever
makes in a home stand.

A week later, when the spins finally stopped, Biff called. He said
he and the fighters had the perfect call sign for me. Said he'd
send it on a patch for my flight suit.

What is it? I asked.

'Two Bags.'

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: A Pastor With Guts

2010-06-14T05:40:00.000-07:00

A Pastor with GUTS!

Thought you might enjoy this interesting
prayer given in Kansas at
the opening session of their Senate. It seems
prayer still upsets some
people... When Minister Joe Wright was asked to open
the new session of the Kansas Senate, everyone was expecting the usual generalities, but this is

what they heard:

Heavenly Father, we come before you today to ask
your forgiveness and to seek your direction and
guidance. We know Your Word says, 'Woe to those
who call evil good,' but that is exactly what we
have done.

We have lost our spiritual equilibrium and reversed
our values.

We have exploited the poor and called it
the lottery.

We have rewarded laziness and called it
welfare.

We have killed our unborn and called it
choice.

We have shot abortionists and called it
justifiable.

We have neglected to discipline our
children and called it building self esteem..

We have abused power and called it
politics.

We have coveted our neighbor's possessions
and called it ambition.

We have polluted the air with profanity and
pornography and called it freedom of expression.

We have ridiculed the time-honored values
of our forefathers and called it enlightenment.

Search us, Oh, God, and know our hearts
today; cleanse us from every sin and set us free.
Amen!

The response was immediate. A number of
legislators walked out during the prayer in
protest. In 6 short weeks, Central Christian
Church, where Rev. Wright is pastor, logged more than
5,000 phone calls with only 47 of those calls
responding negatively.. The church is now receiving
international requests for copies of this prayer
from India , Africa and Korea .

Commentator Paul Harvey aired this prayer on
his radio program, 'The Rest of the Story,'and
received a larger response to this program than any
other he has ever aired.

With the Lord's help, may this prayer sweep
over our nation and wholeheartedly become our
desire so that we again can be called 'one nation
under God.'

If possible, please pass this prayer on to
your friends. 'If you don't stand for something,
you will fall for everything.'

Think about this: If you forward this
prayer to everyone on your
e-mail list, in less than 30 days it would be
heard by the world.

How many people in your address book will
not receive this prayer.....do you have the guts to pass it on?

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Waiting On The Doc"

2010-06-09T04:47:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine sent this in:

"I went to see a doctor for a follow-up visit. I made the appointment 6 months ago at HIS convenience for 9:30 am. I show up for my appointment 10 minutes early. By 10 am still no sign of the doctor and there are three patients in front of me to see the same doctor. This is not the first time I had to wait for this doctor; the last time was more than 2 hours. I approached the window and asked if I would be charged for the visit if I left right then because I was there for my appointment and the doctor was not. She responded that they were terribly busy and that the doctor would get to me as soon as he could. Not good enough! I felt I was being held hostage by this doctor and told the receptionist that I was leaving; my time was just as valuable to me as the doctor's time was to him. I LEFT! This doctor's office would not be getting $200 from my insurance today. If more people did the same thing, maybe the doctors would stop making appointments 5 minutes apart and not treat us like dollar $ign$."

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Illegal Immigration Problem Solved!

2010-06-08T04:02:00.000-07:00

President Obama wants us to cut the amount of gasoline we use..... The best way to stop using so much gasoline is to deport 15 million illegal immigrants! That would be 15 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down..... Bring our troops home from Afghanistan to guard the borders.... When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the Border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Afghanistan .... Tell him if he wants to come to AMERICA then he must serve a tour in OUR military.... Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it...... After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country..... He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal resident..... This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Afghanistan and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves.. ....... If they refuse to serve, ship them to Afghanistan anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo..... problem solved.

Joe Willie On the Shrimpbox: Woody's Phone

2010-05-27T05:45:00.000-07:00

TOP 5 EXPLANATIONS FOR WHAT REALLY HAPPENED TO WOODY WOODSIDE’S CELL PHONE:

5. It was lost during the recent “Red Carpet Tour” and is reportedly being used as a prop by one of the Brunswick Ballet girls at the Dirty Rug.

4. The phone was stolen during one of Steve Swan’s patented “close your eyes speeches.”

3. The cell phone was dropped in the toilet and now, surprisingly, one of his wife’s kitchen tongs are missing.

2. His dog Walter ate the phone and now he’s consulting with Dr. David Whitehead on how best to retrieve it.

And, the top explanation for what really happened to Woody Woodside’s cell phone… It’s at Brunswick’s new Veteran’s Clinic, but unfortunately the Veteran’s Administration can’t tell us where the clinic is at.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Butter'em Up!"

2010-05-17T03:59:00.000-07:00

This is interesting . .. .

Margarine was originally manufactured to fatten turkeys. When it killed the turkeys, the people who had put all the money into the research wanted a payback, so they put their heads together to figure out what to do with this product to get their money back.
It was a white substance with no food appeal, so they added the yellow colouring and sold it to people to use in place of butter., How do you like it?, They have come out with some clever new flavorings..

DO YOU KNOW..The difference between margarine and butter?

Read on to the end...gets very interesting!

Both have the same amount of calories.

Butter is slightly higher in saturated fats at 8 grams; compared to 5 grams for margarine.

Eating margarine can increase heart disease in women by 53% over eating the same amount of butter, according to a recent Harvard Medical Study.

Eating butter increases the absorption of many other nutrients in other foods.

Butter has many nutritional benefits, where margarine has a few, and only because they are added!

Butter tastes much better than margarine, and it can enhance the flavors of other foods.

Butter has been around for centuries, wheremargarine has been around for less than 100 years.

And now, for Margarine..

Very High in Trans fatty acids.

Triples risk of coronary heart disease .
Increases total cholesterol and LDL(this is the bad cholesterol), and lowers HDL cholesterol, (the good cholesterol).

Increases the risk of cancers up to five times...

Lowers quality of breast milk.

Decreases immune response.

Decreases insulin response.

And here's the most disturbing fact...... HERE IS THE PART THAT IS VERY INTERESTING!

Margarine is but ONE MOLECULE away from being PLASTIC...and shares 27 ingredients with PAINT!

These facts alone were enough to have me avoiding margarine for life, and anything else that is hydrogenated (this means hydrogen is added, changing the molecular structure of the substance).

You can try this yourself:

Purchase a tub of margarine and leave it open in your garage or shaded area. Within a couple of days you will notice a couple of things:

* No flies. Not even those pesky fruit flies will go near it (that should tell you something)!

* It does not rot or smell differently because it has no nutritional value; nothing will grow on it. Even those teeny weeny microorganisms will not find a home to grow. Why? Because it is nearly plastic . Would you melt your Tupperware and spread that on your toast?

Share This With Your Friends.....(If you want to butter them up')!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "He's 63 And Tired!"

2010-05-10T03:40:00.000-07:00

Robert A. Hall is the actor who plays the coroner on CSI if you watch that show.
This should be required reading for every man, woman and child in the United States of America .

"I'm 63 and I’m Tired"
by Robert A. Hall

I'm 63. Except for one semester in college when jobs were scarce and a six-month period when I was between jobs, but job-hunting every day, I've worked, hard, since I was 18. Despite some health challenges, I still put in 50-hour weeks, and haven't called in sick in seven or eight years. I make a good salary, but I didn't inherit my job or my income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, there's no retirement in sight, and I'm tired. Very tired.

I'm tired of being told that I have to "spread the wealth" to people who don't have my work ethic. I'm tired of being told the government will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy to earn it.

I'm tired of being told that I have to pay more taxes to "keep people in their homes." Sure, if they lost their jobs or got sick, I'm willing to help. But if they bought McMansions at three times the price of our paid-off, $250,000 condo, on one-third of my salary, then let the left-wing Congress-critters who passed Fannie and Freddie and the Community Reinvestment Act that created the bubble help them with their own money.

I'm tired of being told how bad America is by left-wing millionaires like Michael Moore, George Soros and Hollywood Entertainers who live in luxury because of the opportunities America offers. In thirty years, if they get their way, the United States will have the economy of Zimbabwe , the freedom of the press of China , the crime and violence of Mexico , the tolerance for Christian people of Iran , and the freedom of speech of Venezuela .

I'm tired of being told that Islam is a "Religion of Peace," when every day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and daughters for their family "honor"; of Muslims rioting over some slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren't "believers"; of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning teenage rape victims to death for "adultery"; of Muslims mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur'an and Shari'a law tells them to.

I'm tired of being told that "race doesn't matter" in the post-racial world of Obama, when it's all that matters in affirmative action jobs, lower college admission and graduation standards for minorities (harming them the most), government contract set-asides, tolerance for the ghetto culture of violence and fatherless children that hurts minorities more than anyone, and in the appointment of U.S. Senators from Illinois.

I think it's very cool that we have a black president and that a black child is doing her homework at the desk where Lincoln wrote the Emancipation Proclamation. I just wish the black president was Condi Rice, or someone who believes more in freedom and the individual and less arrogantly of an all-knowing government.

I'm tired of a news media that thinks Bush's fundraising and inaugural expenses were obscene, but that think Obama's, at triple the cost, were wonderful; that thinks Bush exercising daily was a waste of presidential time, but Obama exercising is a great example for the public to control weight and stress; that picked over every line of Bush's military records, but never demanded that Kerry release his; that slammed Palin, with two years as governor, for being too inexperienced for VP, but touted Obama with three years as senator as potentially the best president ever. Wonder why people are dropping their subscriptions or switching to Fox News? Get a clue. I didn't vote for Bush in 2000, but the media and Kerry drove me to his camp in 2004.

I'm tired of being told that out of "tolerance for other cultures" we must let Saudi Arabia use our oil money to fund mosques and mandrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in America , while no American group is allowed to fund a church, synagogue or religious school in Saudi Arabia to teach love and tolerance.

I'm tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global warming, which no one is allowed to debate. My wife and I live in a two-bedroom apartment and carpool together five miles to our jobs. We also own a three-bedroom condo where our daughter and granddaughter live. Our carbon footprint is about 5% of Al Gore's, and if you're greener than Gore, you're green enough.

I'm tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses while they tried to fight it off? I don't think Gay people choose to be Gay, but I damn sure think druggies chose to take drugs. And I'm tired of harassment from cool people treating me like a freak when I tell them I never tried marijuana.

I'm tired of illegal aliens being called "undocumented workers," especially the ones who aren't working, but are living on welfare or crime. What's next? Calling drug dealers, "Undocumented Pharmacists"? And, no, I'm not against Hispanics. Most of them are Catholic, and it's been a few hundred years since Catholics wanted to kill me for my religion. I'm willing to fast track for citizenship any Hispanic person, who can speak English, doesn't have a criminal record and who is self-supporting without family on welfare, or who serves honorably for three years in our military.... Those are the citizens we need.

I'm tired of latte liberals and journalists, who would never wear the uniform of the Republic themselves, or let their entitlement-handicapped kids near a recruiting station, trashing our military. They and their kids can sit at home, never having to make split-second decisions under life and death circumstances, and bad mouth better people than themselves. Do bad things happen in war? You bet. Do our troops sometimes misbehave? Sure. Does this compare with the atrocities that were the policy of our enemies for the last fifty years and still are? Not even close. So here's the deal. I'll let myself be subjected to all the humiliation and abuse that was heaped on terrorists at Abu Ghraib or Gitmo, and the critics can let themselves be subject to captivity by the Muslims, who tortured and beheaded Daniel Pearl in Pakistan, or the Muslims who tortured and murdered Marine Lt. Col. William Higgins in Lebanon, or the Muslims who ran the blood-spattered Al Qaeda torture rooms our troops found in Iraq, or the Muslims who cut off the heads of schoolgirls in Indonesia, because the girls were Christian. Then we'll compare notes. British and American soldiers are the only troops in history that civilians came to for help and handouts, instead of hiding from in fear.

I'm tired of people telling me that their party has a corner on virtue and the other party has a corner on corruption. Read the papers; bums are bipartisan. And I'm tired of people telling me we need bipartisanship. I live in Illinois , where the "Illinois Combine" of Democrats has worked to loot the public for years. Not to mention the tax cheats in Obama's cabinet.

I'm tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers and politicians of both parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting caught. I'm tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor.

Speaking of poor, I'm tired of hearing people with air-conditioned homes, color TVs and two cars called poor. The majority of Americans didn't have that in 1970, but we didn't know we were "poor." The poverty pimps have to keep changing the definition of poor to keep the dollars flowing.

I'm real tired of people who don't take responsibility for their lives and actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination or big-whatever for their problems.

Yes, I'm damn tired. But I'm also glad to be 63. Because, mostly, I'm not going to have to see the world these people are making. I'm just sorry for my granddaughter.

Robert A. Hall is a Marine Vietnam veteran who served five terms in the Massachusetts State Senate.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Only in America..."

2010-05-03T10:38:00.000-07:00

BEST LAWYER/INSURANCE STORY OF THE YEAR,
DECADE, AND POSSIBLY THE CENTURY.

This took place in Charlotte North Carolina. A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.

Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.

In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost 'in a series of small fires..' The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.

The lawyer sued and WON! (Stay with me.)

Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable 'fire' and was obligated to pay the claim.

Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the 'fires'.

NOW FOR THE BEST PART...

After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!

With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine. This true story won First Place in last year's Criminal Lawyers Award contest.

ONLY IN AMERICA .... NO WONDER THE REST OF THE WORLD THINKS THEY'RE NUTS.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "How's Norma?"

2010-04-28T05:15:00.000-07:00

HOW IS NORMA?

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it
possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number
of the patient?"

The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room
302."

The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with
the nurse's station for that room."

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, "I have
good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well.
Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."

The grandmother said, "Thank you.
That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good news."

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me crap."

TRUE STORY

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "What if you treated your Bible like you treat your cell phone?"

2010-04-26T05:32:00.000-07:00

Ever wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell phone?
What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?
What if we flipped through it several times a day?
What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?
What if we used it to receive messages from the text?
What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?
What if we gave it to Kids as gifts?
What if we used it when we traveled?
What if we used it in case of emergency?
This is something to make you go....hmm..where is my Bible?
Oh, and one more thing.
Unlike our cell phone, we don't have to worry about our Bible being disconnected because Jesus already paid the bill.
Makes you stop and think 'where are my priorities? And no dropped calls!
When Jesus died on the cross, he was thinking of you!
If you are one of the 7% who will stand up for Him, forward this.
93% of the people won't forward this.
I hope you will join me in being one of the 7%. I stand for and I love our GOD!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Wish You Enough

2010-04-09T11:57:00.001-07:00

Recently I overheard a Father and daughter in their last moments together at the airport. They had announced the departure.

Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the Father said, 'I love you, and I wish you enough..'

The daughter replied, 'Dad, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Dad.'

They kissed and the daughter left. The Father walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry... I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?'

'Yes, I have,' I replied. 'Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?'.

'I am old, and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral,' he said.

'When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?'

He began to smile. 'That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone...' He paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, and he smiled even more. 'When we said, 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.' Then turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger...

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

He then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them; but then an entire life to forget them.

*Only if you wish send this to the people you will never forget. If you don't send it to anyone it may mean that you are in such a hurry that you have forgotten your friends.

TAKE TIME TO LIVE....

To all my friends and loved ones,
I WISH YOU ENOUGH.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: No Place To Go

2010-04-09T11:37:00.000-07:00

"After America, There is No Place to Go"

The author of this article lives in South Dakota and appears to be very active in attempting to maintain our freedom. I encourage everybody to read this article and pass it along. I see so many parallels in this country–are we going to sit by and watch it happen? Spread the word; also contact your congressional reps; vote them out if they don’t do what they should. If you don’t want to be bothered, then you’re part of the problem! Google Kitty Werthmann and you will see articles and videos.

Truly is the Greatest Country in the World. Don't Let Freedom Slip Away
By: Kitty Werthmann
What I am about to tell you is something you've probably never heard or will ever read in history books.

I believe that I am an eyewitness to history. I cannot tell you that Hitler took Austria by tanks and guns; it would distort history. We elected him by a landslide - 98% of the vote. I've never read that in any American publications. Everyone thinks that Hitler just rolled in with his tanks and took Austria by force.
In 1938, Austria was in deep Depression. Nearly one-third of our workforce was unemployed. We had 25% inflation and 25% bank loan interest rates.
Farmers and business people were declaring bankruptcy daily. Young people were going from house to house begging for food. Not that they didn't want to work; there simply weren't any jobs. My mother was a Christian woman and believed in helping people in need. Every day we cooked a big kettle of soup and baked bread to feed those poor, hungry people - about 30 daily.
The Communist Party and the National Socialist Party were fighting each other. Blocks and blocks of cities like Vienna, Linz, and Graz were destroyed. The people became desperate and petitioned the government to let them decide what kind of government they wanted.
We looked to our neighbor on the north, Germany, where Hitler had been in power since 1933. We had been told that they didn't have unemployment or crime, and they had a high standard of living. Nothing was ever said about persecution of any group -- Jewish or otherwise. We were led to believe that everyone was happy. We wanted the same way of life in Austria . We were promised that a vote for Hitler would mean the end of unemployment and help for the family. Hitler also said that businesses would be assisted, and farmers would get their farms back. Ninety-eight percent of the population voted to annex Austria to Germany and have Hitler for our ruler.
We were overjoyed, and for three days we danced in the streets and had candlelight parades. The new government opened up big field kitchens and everyone was fed.
After the election, German officials were appointed, and like a miracle, we suddenly had law and order. Three or four weeks later, everyone was employed. The government made sure that a lot of work was created through the Public Work Service.

Hitler decided we should have equal rights for women. Before this, it was a custom that married Austrian women did not work outside the home. An able-bodied husband would be looked down on if he couldn't support his family. Many women in the teaching profession were elated that they could retain the jobs they previously had been required to give up for marriage.
Hitler Targets Education - Eliminates Religious Instruction for Children:

Our education was nationalized. I attended a very good public school. The population was predominantly Catholic, so we had religion in our schools. The day we elected Hitler (March 13, 1938), I walked into my schoolroom to find the crucifix replaced by Hitler's picture hanging next to a Nazi flag. Our teacher, a very devout woman, stood up and told the class we wouldn't pray or have religion anymore. Instead, we sang "Deutschland, Deutschland, Uber Alles," and had physical education.
Sunday became National Youth Day with compulsory attendance. Parents were not pleased about the sudden change in curriculum. They were told that if they did not send us, they would receive a stiff letter of warning the first time. The second time they would be fined the equivalent of $300, and the third time they would be subject to jail. The first two hours consisted of political indoctrination. The rest of the day we had sports. As time went along, we loved it. Oh, we had so much fun and got our sports equipment free. We would go home and gleefully tell our parents about the wonderful time we had.
My mother was very unhappy. When the next term started, she took me out of public school and put me in a convent. I told her she couldn't do that and she told me that someday when I grew up, I would be grateful. There was a very good curriculum, but hardly any fun - no sports, and no political indoctrination. I hated it at first but felt I could tolerate it. Every once in a while, on holidays, I went home. I would go back to my old friends and ask what was going on and what they were doing. Their loose lifestyle was very alarming to me. They lived without religion. By that time unwed mothers were glorified for having a baby for Hitler. It seemed strange to me that our society changed so suddenly. As time went along, I realized what a great deed my mother did so that I wasn't exposed to that kind of humanistic philosophy.
Equal Rights Hits Home:

In 1939, the war started and a food bank was established. All food was rationed and could only be purchased using food stamps. At the same time, a full-employment law was passed which meant if you didn't work, you didn't get a ration card, and if you didn't have a card, you starved to death. Women who stayed home to raise their families didn't have any marketable skills and often had to take jobs more suited for men.
Soon after this, the draft was implemented. It was compulsory for young people, male and female, to give one year to the labor corps. During the day, the girls worked on the farms, and at night they returned to their barracks for military training just like the boys. They were trained to be anti-aircraft gunners and participated in the signal corps. After the labor corps, they were not discharged but were used in the front lines. When I go back to Austria to visit my family and friends, most of these women are emotional cripples because they just were not equipped to handle the horrors of combat. Three months before I turned 18, I was severely injured in an air raid attack. I nearly had a leg amputated, so I was spared having to go into the labor corps and into military service.
Hitler Restructured the Family Through Daycare:

When the mothers had to go out into the work force, the government immediately established child care centers. You could take your children ages 4 weeks to school age and leave them there around-the-clock, 7 days a week, under the total care of the government. The state raised a whole generation of children. There were no motherly women to take care of the children, just people highly trained in child psychology. By this time, no one talked about equal rights. We knew we had been had.
Health Care and Small Business Suffer Under Government Controls:

Before Hitler, we had very good medical care. Many American doctors trained at the University of Vienna . After Hitler, health care was socialized, free for everyone. Doctors were salaried by the government. The problem was, since it was free, the people were going to the doctors for everything. When the good doctor arrived at his office at 8 a.m., 40 people were already waiting and, at the same time, the hospitals were full. If you needed elective surgery, you had to wait a year or two for your turn. There was no money for research as it was poured into socialized medicine. Research at the medical schools literally stopped, so the best doctors left Austria and emigrated to other countries.

As for healthcare, our tax rates went up to 80% of our income. Newlyweds immediately received a $1,000 loan from the government to establish a household. We had big programs for families. All day care and education were free. High schools were taken over by the government and college tuition was subsidized. Everyone was entitled to free handouts, such as food stamps, clothing, and housing.
We had another agency designed to monitor business. My brother-in-law owned a restaurant that had square tables. Government officials told him he had to replace them with round tables because people might bump themselves on the corners. Then they said he had to have additional bathroom facilities. It was just a small dairy business with a snack bar. He couldn't meet all the demands. Soon, he went out of business. If the government owned the large businesses and not many small ones existed, it could be in control.
We had consumer protection. We were told how to shop and what to buy. Free enterprise was essentially abolished. We had a planning agency specially designed for farmers. The agents would go to the farms, count the live-stock, then tell the farmers what to produce, and how to produce it.
"Mercy Killing" Redefined:

In 1944, I was a student teacher in a small village in the Alps . The villagers were surrounded by mountain passes which, in the winter, were closed off with snow, causing people to be isolated. So people intermarried and offspring were sometimes retarded. When I arrived, I was told there were 15 mentally retarded adults, but they were all useful and did good manual work. I knew one, named Vincent, very well. He was a janitor of the school. One day I looked out the window and saw Vincent and others getting into a van. I asked my superior where they were going. She said to an institution where the State Health Department would teach them a trade, and to read and write. The families were required to sign papers with a little clause that they could not visit for 6 months. They were told visits would interfere with the program and might cause homesickness.
As time passed, letters started to dribble back saying these people died a natural, merciful death. The villagers were not fooled. We suspected what was happening. Those people left in excellent physical health and all died within 6 months. We called this euthanasia.
The Final Steps - Gun Laws:
Next came gun registration.. People were getting injured by guns. Hitler said that the real way to catch criminals (we still had a few) was by matching serial numbers on guns. Most citizens were law abiding and dutifully marched to the police station to register their firearms. Not long after-wards, the police said that it was best for everyone to turn in their guns. The authorities already knew who had them, so it was futile not to comply voluntarily.
No more freedom of speech. Anyone who said something against the government was taken away. We knew many people who were arrested, not only Jews, but also priests and ministers who spoke up.
Totalitarianism didn't come quickly, it took 5 years from 1938 until 1943, to realize full dictatorship in Austria . Had it happened overnight, my countrymen would have fought to the last breath. Instead, we had creeping gradualism. Now, our only weapons were broom handles. The whole idea sounds almost unbelievable that the state, little by little eroded our freedom.
After World War II, Russian troops occupied Austria . Women were raped, preteen to elderly. The press never wrote about this either. When the Soviets left in 1955, they took everything that they could, dismantling whole factories in the process. They sawed down whole orchards of fruit, and what they couldn't destroy, they burned. We called it The Burned Earth. Most of the population barricaded themselves in their houses. Women hid in their cellars for 6 weeks as the troops mobilized. Those who couldn't, paid the price. There is a monument in Vienna today, dedicated to those women who were massacred by the Russians. This is an eye witness account.
"It's true..those of us who sailed past the Statue of Liberty came to a country of unbelievable freedom and opportunity.
America Truly is the Greatest Country in the World. Don't Let Freedom Slip Away
"After America , There is No Place to Go"
Please forward this message to other voters who may not have it.
THIS IS THE REASON WE NEED TO GO AND VOTE.
PRAY AND ASK GOD WHO YOU SHOULD VOTE FOR.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Keeper

2010-04-09T11:13:00.001-07:00

Keeper

Their marriage was good, their dreams focused.. Their best friends lived barely a wave away. I can see them now, Dad in trousers, tee shirt and a hat and Mom in a house dress; lawn mower in his hand, and dish-towel in hers. It was the time for fixing things.. A curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, the hem in a dress. Things we keep.
It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy. All that re-fixing, eating, renewing, I wanted just once to be wasteful.. Waste meant affluence. Throwing things away meant you knew there'd always be more.

But then my mother died, and on that clear summer's night, in the warmth of the hospital room, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn't any more. Sometimes, what we care about most gets all used up and goes away....never to return. So... While we have it.... Its best we love it... And care for it..... And fix it when it's broken...... And heal it when it's sick.
This is true... For marriage.... And old cars.... And children with bad report cards...... Dogs and cats with bad hips.... And aging parents..... And grandparents, aunts and uncles and friends.. We keep them because they are worth it, because we are worth it.

Some things we keep. Like a best friend who moved away or a classmate we grew up with. There are just some things that make life important, like people we know who are special.... And so, we keep them close in heart and mind and spirit.

I received this from someone who thinks I am a 'keeper', so I've sent it to the people I think of in the same way....

Now it's your turn to send this to those people who are 'keepers' in your life.. Send it back to the person that sent it to you if they too are a keeper.
Good friends are like stars.... You don't always see them, but you know they are always there..

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: What could go wrong?

2010-03-26T03:57:00.000-07:00

Let me get this straight......we're passing a health care plan written by a committee
whose chairman says he doesn't understand it,

passed by a Congress that hasn't read it but exempts themselves from it,

to be signed by a president that also is exempt from it
and hasn't read it
and who smokes,

with funding administered by a treasury chief
who didn't pay his taxes,
all to be overseen by a surgeon general who is obese,
and financed by a country that's broke.

What the heck could possibly go wrong?

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: A Physician's View of the health Care Problem

2010-03-24T09:29:00.000-07:00

A young Physicians view of the health care problem

Physician Dr.. Starner Jones’s short two-paragraph letter to the White House
Accurately puts the blame on a "Culture Crisis" instead of a "Health Care
Crisis".. It's worth a quick read:

Dear Mr. President:

During my shift in the Emergency Room last night, I had the
pleasure of evaluating a patient whose smile revealed an expensive
shiny gold tooth, whose body was adorned with a wide assortment of
elaborate and costly tattoos, who wore a very expensive brand of
tennis shoes and who chatted on a new cellular telephone equipped with
a popular R&B ringtone.

While glancing over her patient chart, I happened to notice
that her payer status was listed as "Medicaid"! During my
examination of her, the patient informed me that she smokes more than
one costly pack of cigarettes every day and somehow still has money to
buy pretzels and beer.

And, you and our Congress expect me to pay for this woman's
health care? I contend that our nation's "health care crisis" is not
the result of a shortage of quality hospitals, doctors or nurses.
Rather, it is the result of a "crisis of culture", a culture in
which it is perfectly acceptable to spend money on luxuries and vices
while refusing to take care of one's self or, heaven forbid, purchase
health insurance. It is a culture based in the irresponsible credo
that "I can do whatever I want to because someone else will always
take care of me".

Once you fix this "culture crisis" that rewards
irresponsibility and dependency, you'll be amazed at how quickly our
nation's health care difficulties will disappear.

Respectfully,
STARNER JONES, MD

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "A Well-Planned Retirement"

2010-03-02T13:37:00.001-08:00

A Well-Planned Retirement

Outside England 's Bristol Zoo there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 buses. For 25 years, its parking fees were managed by a very pleasant attendant. The fees were 1 for cars ($1.40), 5 for buses (about $7).

Then, one day, after 25 solid years of never missing a day of work, he just didn't show up; so the Zoo Management called the City Council and asked it to send them another parking agent.

The Council did some research and replied that the parking lot was the Zoo's own responsibility. The Zoo advised the Council that the attendant was a City employee.. The City Council responded that the lot attendant had never been on the City payroll.

Meanwhile, sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain or France or Italy ... is a man who'd apparently had a ticket machine installed completely on his own and then had simply begun to show up every day, commencing to collect and keep the parking fees, estimated at about $560 per day -- for 25 years.

Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over $7 million dollars ....... and no one even knows his name.
I think this is my favorite E-Mail ever

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "How To Fix The Economy"

2010-03-02T10:27:00.000-08:00

Fix It,

> There recently was an article in the St. Petersburg FL. Times. The
> Business
>
> Section asked readers for ideas on: "How Would You Fix the Economy?"
>
>
> I think this guy nailed it!
> _____
>
> Dear Mr.President,
>
> Please find below my suggestion for fixing America 's economy. Instead of
> giving billions of dollars to companies that will squander the money on
> lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan. You can call
> it
> the "Patriotic Retirement Plan":
>
>
> PRP:
>
> There are about 40 million people over 50 in the work force. Pay them $1
> million apiece severance for early retirement with the following
> stipulations:
>
> 1) They MUST retire. Forty million job openings - Unemployment fixed.
>
> 2) They MUST buy a new American CAR. Forty million cars ordered - Auto
> Industry fixed.
>
> 3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage - Housing Crisis
> fixed.
>
> It can't get any easier than that!!
>
>
> P.S. If more money is needed, have all members In Congress pay their
> taxes..
>
>
> Mr. President, while you're at it, make Congress retire on Social Security
> and Medicare. I'll bet both programs would be fixed pronto!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: A new way to cuss

2010-02-22T04:00:00.001-08:00

An Elite Cuss Word--Just for Anybody

Years ago when I sometimes used unsavory language, I often used the expression "Bull S***."
As I grew up a bit and discovered it was not necessary to use such crude language, that expression became "BS."
What did I really mean when I used those expressions? I meant that something was ridiculous, or idiotic or a half truth or just stupid. It covered any number of negative formats. The dictionary defines it as: nonsense; especially : foolish insolent talk...
I have decided that I no longer will use either of those expressions in the future. When I have a need to express such feelings, I will use the word "Pelosi." Let me use it in a sentence. "That's just a bunch of Pelosi.."
I encourage you to do the same. It is such a nasty sounding word, it really packs a punch, we are no longer being vulgar, and it clearly expresses our feelings. If enough of us use it, perhaps the word could be entered into the dictionary. When on a ranch watch your step and don't step in the Pelosi. It will get on the bottom of your boot and won't go away until next election. What a fitting and descriptive legacy for the Speaker of the House!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "A Simple Idea To Kick Start The Economy"

2010-02-17T11:09:00.000-08:00

A simple idea to kick start the economy

Here’s a simple idea that could be enacted almost with the stroke of a pen. This could be just the catalyst to get consumers spending which, in turn, will allow small business to start hiring employees.
Suspend and permanently forgive all federal payroll taxes (employee and employer) for
3 months for people making under $250,000 per year, and “pay” for this “tax holiday” by using unspent stimulus and TARP funds.
With swift action by the US Congress, this could easily be enacted by April 1, 2010.
Just think what this simple plan would do for your personal income and the national economy.
If you agree this is a good idea, then immediately send this to your Representative and Senator, to everyone in your email address book, post this on your Facebook page and write a letter to your local newspaper. Maybe someone will listen.
Read further if you’re interested, but the plan is very simple.
The Problem
The problem right now, for a wide variety of reasons and without playing the blame game, is that consumers are not spending money at the local retail level (the restaurant, the dentist, the car wash/quick lube, the card store, etc.) When consumers spend money at the local level, then retailers, a.k.a. small business, will hire people. When small business hires people, then these people will have money in their pocket to spend at the local level. And on and on it goes. See how simple this is.
I am a small business owner in Brunswick, GA operating two car wash/quick lube stores. We have cut back on employees because customers are not spending money at our car wash/quick lube stores. When consumers start spending money, we will hire employees to service those customers. To suggest the solution is for us to incur more debt by taking a loan from the bank to cover payroll costs so we can hire people to have them stand around is the last thing we need! What we need is customers spending money at the retail level.
This could just be the answer.
How to Make It Work
Of course, Congress has to pass a law. Then, every employer, payroll service and accountant is notified by the IRS of the tax holiday period. The instructions are simple:
For a period of three months, do not withhold any federal payroll taxes (federal income tax, social security tax, Medicare tax or federal unemployment tax) from employee paychecks and stop the employer share on these same employee earnings. By year-end tax filing time, publish the formula that employees and employers are to use to calculate the new tax liability incorporating the three month “tax holiday”.
Very easy. Very simple. Very clean. Think about and act today.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "What Our Pets Are Thinking"

2010-02-05T12:11:00.000-08:00

The Dog's Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

The Cat's Diary
Day 983 of My Captivity
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Idol Hollywood List

2010-01-13T04:32:00.000-08:00

American Idol Hollywood List
Aaron Kelly
Alex Nester
Alexander "Alex" Lambert
Allen Burton
Amanda DeSimone
Amanda Shechtman
Amber Caparas
Amedeo DiRocco
Andrew Garcia
Angela Martin
Antwan Michael
Anzeo David
Artheria La'Bry
Ashley Hobbs
Ashley Rodriguez
Audri Vargas
Austin Simmons
Becca Neun
Benjamin "Ben" Bright
Benjamin "Ben" Honeycutt
Bernadette DeSimone
Blake Marvin
Bosa Mora
Brandi Holmes
Brittany Starr
Brittany Stone
Bryan Walker
Bryce Larsen
Candice Glover
Carmen Turner
Casey James
Charity Vance
Chelsea Chandler
Christian Spear
Christopher "Chris" Golightly
Claire Fuller
Colin Benward
Colten Pierce
Crystal(l) Bowersox
Dan "Danny" Jones
Danelle Hayes
Daniel "Dan" Murillo
David
David "Dave" Pittman
David Duke
David Gowryluk *
Dawntoya "Dawn" Thomason
Deneco Pittman
Derek Klena
Dominic "Nick" Lynch
Donald "Don" Webber
Ellery Bonham
Erica Rhodes
Erynne Hundley
Farayi Moore
Frankie Jordan
Genesis Moore
Haeley Vaughn
Harrell Holmes
Heather Todd
Holly Hardin
Jaclyn North
Janell Wheeler
Jareb Liewer
Jason Diaz *
Jason Shorter
Jayson "Jay" Stone
JB Ahfua
Jeffrey Goldford
Jennifer Hirsh
Jermaine Purifory
Jermaine Sellers
Jesse Barry
Jessica "Jess" Wolfe
Jessica Cunningham
Jessica Furney
Jim Ranger
Jimmy Charles
Joey Guerrero *
John Park
Jonathan "Jon" Stills
Jose Munoz
Josh Blaylock
Justin Gray
Justin Kalama
Justin Ray
Justin Williams
Kasi Bedford
Kat Nestel
Katelyn Clampett
Katelyn Epperly
Katie Bernard
Katy Stevens
Keanna O'Quinn
KeeBee
Keia Johnson
Kelly Bachran
Kelly Caruso
Kellye Vetter
Kelsey Madsen
Kenneth "Ken" Ellis
Kiera Masters
Kimberly "Kim" Carver
Kimberly "Kim" Kerbow
Kristi Quinnie
Kristina Michell
Lacey Brown
Lashonda Miles
Lauren Daigle
Leah Laurenti
Lee DeWyze
Liette Kraper
Lillian "Lilly" Scott
Lloyd Thomas
Lucy Yeghiazaryan
Luke Edgemon
Luke Shaffer
Maddie Penrose
Maddy Curtis
Maegan Wright
Mallorie Haley
Marcus Jones
Margo May
Mark LaBriola
Mary Powers
Matthew "Matt" Ryan Lawrence
Megan McCallon
Melissa Bitanga
Michael "Mike" Castro
Michael "Mike" Davis
Michael "Mike" Lynche
Michael "Mike" Preston
Michelle Delamor
Miriam Lemnouni
Moorea Masa
Nate Joseph
Nicci
Nikki Monahan
Noel Reese
Noel Turner
Olivia Geller
Paige DeChausse
Rachel Hubbard *
Raquel Borges
Rose Flack
Samantha Musa
Samuel Larsen
Sarah Rucker
Savannah Low
Sean Michael Butler
Seth Rollins
Sham Al-Islam
Shannon Ann Marie Turner
Shannon Livewell/Michele
Shelby Dressel
Siobhan Magnus
Stephanie Crews
Stephanie Daulong
Stevie Flockhart
Sydnee Randle
Tamra Salmon
Tasha Layton
Tawny McCorkle
Tayler Bledsoe
Thaddeus Johnson
Thiago De Melo
Timothy "Tim" Urban
Tisha Holland
Todrick Hall
Tori Kelly
Tyler Grady
Vered Didi Benami
Zachary "Zach" Hickman
Zoya Shpigelman

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: New English

2010-01-07T05:58:00.000-08:00

ENUMERATION AT IT’S BEST

How would you pronounce this child's name: "Le-a" ???

Leah?? NO

Lee - A?? NOPE

Lay - a?? NO

Lei?? Guess Again.

It's pronounced "Ledasha" Oh yes...you read it right.

This child attends a school in Livingston Parish, LA. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce it correctly. When the mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said "the dash don't be silent."

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: How our schools need to answer the phone.

2010-01-07T04:27:00.000-08:00

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: New Local Buzzwords

2010-01-07T04:22:00.000-08:00

Tom Subletted...that's when you think you're about to get the chair, then you get the shaft instead!

James Brooked...that's when you thought you were winning the election, but you end losing after the absentee ballots from the old folks homes come in.

Amy Callowayed something...that's when you open up a big can of worms and all you do is stir it up and make an even bigger mess!

It's another Liberty Harbor...that's a far out plan that doesn't even good look on paper and thru smoke and mirrors.

Matt Doeringed...that's when you spend a lot of time asking questions and you get nothing, over and over!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "My Dog"

2009-12-29T10:20:00.000-08:00

My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365.
Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the Dr. once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her. She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up.
She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, OH S@#*, my dog is a democrat!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Shooting Advice"

2009-12-26T17:27:00.000-08:00

Clint Smith, Director of Thunder Ranch, is part drill instructor and part standup comic.
Thunder Ranch is a top firearms training facility in Arizona.

Here are a few of his observation on tactics, firearms, self defense and
life as we know it in the civilized world.

"The most important rule in a gunfight is: Always win and cheat if necessary."

"Don't forget, incoming fire has the right of way.."

"Make your attacker advance through a wall of bullets.
You may get killed with your own gun, but he'll have to beat you to death with it, cause it's going to be empty."

"If you're not shooting, you should be loading. If you're not loading, you
should be moving, if you're not moving, someone's gonna cut your head off and put
it on a stick."

"When you reload in low light encounters, don't put your flashlight in your back pocket.. If you light
yourself up, you'll look like an angel or the tooth fairy.. and you're gonna be one of 'em pretty
soon."

"Do something. It may be wrong, but do something."

"Shoot what's available, as long as it's available, until something else becomes available."

"If you carry a gun, people will call you paranoid.
That's ridiculous. If you have a gun, what in the hell do you have to be paranoid for."

"Don't shoot fast, unless you also shoot good."

"You can say 'stop' or 'alto' or use any other word you think will work,
but I've found that a large bore muzzle pointed at someone's head is pretty much the
universal language."

"You have the rest of your life to solve your problems. How long you live
depends on how well you do it."

"You cannot save the planet but you may be able to save yourself and your family."

"Thunder Ranch will be here as long as you'll have us or until someone
makes us go away; and either way, it will be very exciting."

More Excellent Gun Wisdom.......

The purpose of fighting is to win. There is no possible victory in defense.

1. Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you.

2. If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.

3. I carry a gun cause a cop is too heavy.

4. When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away.

5. A reporter did a human-interest piece on the Texas Rangers. The reporter recognized the Colt Model
1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him 'Why do you carry a 45?' The Ranger responded, 'Because they don't make a 46.'

6. An armed man will kill an unarmed man with monotonous regularity.

7. The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on
his wearing his sidearm. 'Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?' 'No ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my rifle.'

8. Beware of the man who only has one gun, because he probably knows how to
use it very well.

'The true soldier fights not because he hates what is in front of him, but
because he loves what is behind
him.' ~G. K. Chesterton

A people that values its privileges above its principles will soon lose
both.

"Those who hammer their guns into plows will plow for those who do
not.." - Thomas Jefferson

Protect your 2nd Amendment rights... to protect your family and country.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "The 12 Days of Christmas, Deconstructed"

2009-12-25T10:01:00.000-08:00

"The 12 Days of Christmas, Deconstructed"

On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed
midwinter festival, my potential-acquaintance-
rape-survivor gave to me:

+ TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior
through ritual drumming.

+ ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit
orchestra made up of members in good standing
of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in their
union contract even though they will not be asked
to play a note...)

+ TEN melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned
scions of the patriarchal ruling class system leaping,

+ NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,

+ EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons
stealing milk-products from enslaved Bovine-Europeans,

+ SEVEN endangered swans swimming on protected
wetlands,

+ SIX enslaved fowl-Europeans producing stolen
nonhuman animal products,

+ FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced
domestic incarceration,

NOTE: after member of the Animal Liberation Front
threatened to throw red paint at my computer, the
calling birds, French hens and partridge have been
reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further
animal-European enslavement, the remaining gift
package has been revised.

+ FOUR hours of recorded whale songs,

+ THREE deconstructionist poets,

+ TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled
processed tree carcasses

+ And an Animal Rights activist chained to an old-
growth pear tree.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Handbook For 2010

2009-12-24T04:47:00.000-08:00

HANDBOOK 2010

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree...

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Last but not the least:
40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about, I just did.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "We Survived!"

2009-12-21T04:04:00.000-08:00

"To All The Kids Who Survived
The 50s, 60s And 70s!"

First, we survived being born to mothers who
smoked and/or drank while they carried us.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing,
tuna from a can, and didn't get tested for
diabetes.

Then after that trauma, our baby cribs were
covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles,
doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes,
we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks
we took hitchhiking.

As children, we would ride in cars with no seat
belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day
was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT
from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from
one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and
drank soda pop with sugar in it, but we weren't
overweight because WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE
PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all
day, as long as we were back when the street
lights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. And we were
O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of
scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out
we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes
a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendos, X-boxes,
no video games at all, no 99 channels on cable, no
video tape movies, no surround sound, no cell phones,
no personal computers, no Internet or Internet chat
rooms...WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and
found them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth
and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and
the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made
up games with sticks and tennis balls and although
we were told it would happen, we did not put out
very many eyes.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house and
knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked
in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made
the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal
with disappointment. Imagine that!

The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the
law was unheard of. They actually sided with the
law!

This generation has produced some of the best
risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever! The
past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation
and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility,
and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL.

And YOU are one of them! CONGRATULATIONS!
You're on the right side of the grass!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Important Instructions"

2009-12-21T04:03:00.001-08:00

"Important Instructions"

The following is from the US Government Peace
Corps Manual for its volunteers who work in the
Amazon Jungle. It tells what to do in case you
are attacked by an anaconda. An anaconda is
the largest snake in the world. It is a relative of
the boa constrictor, it grows to thirty-five feet in
length and weighs between three and four
hundred pounds at the maximum.

This is what the manual said:

1. If you are attacked by an anaconda, do not run.
The snake is faster than you are.

2. Lie flat on the ground. Put your arms tight
against your sides, your legs tight against one
another.

3. Tuck your chin in.

4. The snake will come and begin to nudge and
climb over your body.

5. Do not panic.

6. After the snake has examined you, it will begin
to swallow you from the feet and - always from the
end. Permit the snake to swallow your feet and
ankles. Do not panic.

7. The snake will now begin to suck your legs into
its body. You must lie perfectly still. This will take
a long time.

8. When the snake has reached your knees slowly
and with as little movement as possible, reach
down, take your knife and very gently slide it into
the side of the snake's mouth between the edge
of its mouth and your leg, then suddenly rip
upwards, severing the snake's head.

9. Be sure you have your knife.

10. Be sure your knife is sharp.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: The Truth About Rudolph

2009-12-15T07:55:00.000-08:00

The story of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

A guy named Bob May, depressed and brokenhearted, stared out his drafty apartment window into the chilling December night. His 4-year-old daughter, Barbara, sat on his lap quietly sobbing. Bobs wife, Evelyn, was dying of cancer. Little Barbara couldn't understand why her mommy could never come home. Barbara looked up into her dads eyes and asked, "Why isn't Mommy just like everybody else's Mommy?" Bob's jaw tightened and his eyes welled with tears. Her question brought waves of grief, but also of anger. It had been the story of Bob's life. Life always had to be different for Bob. Being small when he was a kid, Bob was often bullied by other boys. He was too little at the time to compete in sports. He was often called names he'd rather not remember.
From childhood, Bob was different and never seemed to fit in. Bob did complete college, married his loving wife and was grateful to get his job as a copywriter at Montgomery Ward during the Great Depression. Then he was blessed with his little girl. But it was all short-lived. Evelyn's bout with cancer stripped them of all their savings and now Bob and his daughter were forced to live in a two-room apartment in the Chicago slums. Evelyn died just days before Christmas in 1938. Bob struggled to give hope to his child, for whom he couldn't even afford to buy a Christmas gift. But if he couldn't buy a gift, he was determined a make one - a storybook!
Bob had created an animal character in his own mind and told the animal's story to little Barbara to give her comfort and hope. Again and again Bob told the story, embellishing it more with each telling. Who was the character? What was the story all about? The story Bob May created was his own autobiography in fable form. The character he created was a misfit outcast like he was. The name of the character? A little reindeer named Rudolph, with a big shiny nose.
Bob finished the book just in time to give it to his little girl on Christmas Day. But the story doesn't end there. The general manager of Montgomery Ward caught wind of the little storybook and offered Bob May a nominal fee to purchase the rights to print the book. Wards went on to print Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and distribute it to children visiting Santa Claus in their stores. By 1946 Wards had printed and distributed more than six million copies of Rudolph. That same year, a major publisher wanted to purchase the rights from Wards to print an updated version of the book. In an unprecedented gesture of kindness, the CEO of Wards returned all rights back to Bob May. The book became a best seller. Many toy and marketing deals followed and Bob May, now remarried with a growing family, became wealthy from the story he created to comfort his grieving daughter.
But the story doesn't end there either. Bob's brother-in-law, Johnny Marks, made a song adaptation to Rudolph. Though the song was turned down by such popular vocalists as Bing Crosby and Dinah Shore , it was recorded by the singing cowboy, Gene Autry. "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" was released in 1949 and became a phenomenal success, selling more records than any other Christmas song, with the exception of "White Christmas." The gift of love that Bob May created for his daughter so long ago kept on returning to bless him again and again. And Bob May learned the lesson, just like his dear friend Rudolph, that being different isn't so bad. In fact, being different can be a blessing!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: "Downsizing Christmas"

2009-12-08T04:45:00.000-08:00

Christmas downsizing

Today's global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the "Twelve Days of Christmas" subsidiary:

The partridge will be retained, but the pear tree never turned out to be the cash crop forecasted. It will be replaced by a plastic hanging plant, providing considerable savings in maintenance.

The two turtle doves represent a redundancy that is simply not cost effective. In addition, their romance during working hours could not be condoned. The positions are therefore eliminated.

The three French hens will remain intact. After all, everyone loves the French.

The four calling birds were replaced by an automated voice mail system, with a call waiting option. An analysis is underway to determine who the birds have been calling, how often and how long they talked.

The five golden rings have been put on hold by the Board of Directors. Maintaining a portfolio based on one commodity could have negative implications for institutional investors. Diversification into other precious metals as well as a mix of T-Bills and high technology stocks appear to be in order.

The six geese-a-laying constitutes a luxury which can no longer be afforded. It has long been felt that the production rate of one egg per goose per day is an example of the decline in productivity. Three geese will be let go, and an upgrading in the selection procedure by personnel will assure management that from now on every goose it gets will be a good one.

The seven swans-a-swimming is obviously a number chosen in better times. Their function is primarily decorative. Mechanical swans are on order. The current swans will be retrained to learn some new strokes and therefore enhance their outplacement.

As you know, the eight maids-a-milking concept has been under heavy scrutiny by the EEOC. A male/female balance in the workforce is being sought. The more militant maids consider this a dead-end job with no upward mobility. Automation of the process may permit the maids to try a-mending, a-mentoring or a-mulching.

Nine ladies dancing has always been an odd number. This function will be phased out as these individuals grow older and can no longer do the steps.

Ten Lords-a-leaping is overkill. The high cost of Lords plus the expense of international air travel prompted the Compensation Committee to suggest replacing this group with ten out-of-work congressmen. While leaping ability may be somewhat sacrificed, the savings are significant because we expect an oversupply of unemployed congressmen this year.

Eleven pipers piping and twelve drummers drumming is a simple case of the band getting too big. A substitution with a string quartet, a cut back on new music and no uniforms will produce savings which will drop right down to the bottom line.

We can expect a substantial reduction in assorted people, fowl, animals and other expenses. Though incomplete, studies indicate that stretching deliveries over twelve days is inefficient. If we can drop ship in one day, service levels will be improved.

Regarding the lawsuit filed by the attorney's association seeking expansion to include the legal profession ("thirteen lawyers-a-suing"), action is pending.

Lastly, it is not beyond consideration that deeper cuts may be necessary in the future to stay competitive. Should that happen, the Board will request management to scrutinize the Snow White Division to see if seven dwarfs is the right number.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Shape Up Or Ship Out

2009-11-25T07:25:00.000-08:00

WW II Battleship sailor tells Obama to shape up or ship out !

This venerable and much honored WW II vet is well known in Hawaii
for his seventy-plus years of service to patriotic organizations and causes
all over the country.. A humble man without a political bone in his body,
he has never spoken out before about a government official, until now.
He dictated this letter to a friend, signed it and mailed it to the president.

Dear President Obama,

My name is Harold Estes, approaching 95 on December 13 of this year. People meeting me for the first time don't believe my age because I remain wrinkle free and pretty much mentally alert.

I enlisted in the U..S. Navy in 1934 and served proudly before, during and after WW II retiring as a Master Chief Bos'n Mate. Now I live in a "rest home" located on the western end of Pearl Harbor, allowing me to keep alive the memories of 23 years of service to my country.

One of the benefits of my age, perhaps the only one, is to speak my mind, blunt and direct even to the head man.

So here goes.

I am amazed, angry and determined not to see my country die before I do, but you seem hell bent not to grant me that wish.

I can't figure out what country you are the president of.
You fly around the world telling our friends and enemies despicable lies like:
" We're no longer a Christian nation"
" America is arrogant" - (Your wife even
announced to the world,"America is mean-
spirited. " Please tell her to try preaching
that nonsense to 23 generations of our
war dead buried all over the globe who
died for no other reason than to free a
whole lot of strangers from tyranny and
hopelessness.)
I'd say shame on the both of you, but I don't think you like America, nor do I see an ounce of gratefulness in anything you do, for the obvious gifts this country has given you. To be without shame or gratefulness is a dangerous thing for a man sitting in the White House.

After 9/11 you said," America hasn't lived up to her ideals."

Which ones did you mean? Was it the notion of personal liberty that 11,000 farmers and shopkeepers died for to win independence from the British? Or maybe the ideal that no man should be a slave to another man, that 500,000 men died for in the Civil War? I hope you didn't mean the ideal 470,000 fathers, brothers, husbands, and a lot of fellas I knew personally died for in WWII, because we felt real strongly about not letting any nation push us around, because we stand for freedom.

I don't think you mean the ideal that says equality is better than discrimination. You know the one that a whole lot of white people understood when they helped to get you elected.

Take a little advice from a very old geezer, young man.

Shape up and start acting like an American. If you don't, I'll do what I can to see you get shipped out of that fancy rental on Pennsylvania Avenue. You were elected to lead not to bow, apologize and kiss the hands of murderers and corrupt leaders who still treat their people like slaves.

And just who do you think you are telling the American people not to jump to conclusions and condemn that Muslim major who killed 13 of his fellow soldiers and wounded dozens more. You mean you don't want us to do what you did when that white cop used force to subdue that black college professor in Massachusetts, who was putting up a fight? You don't mind offending the police calling them stupid but you don't want us to offend Muslim fanatics by calling them what they are, terrorists.

One more thing. I realize you never served in the military and never had to defend your country with your life, but you're the Commander-in-Chief now, son. Do your job. When your battle-hardened field General asks you for 40,000 more troops to complete the mission, give them to him. But if you're not in this fight to win, then get out. The life of one American soldier is not worth the best political strategy you're thinking of.

You could be our greatest president because you face the greatest challenge ever presented to any president.
You're not going to restore American greatness by bringing back our bloated economy. That's not our greatest threat. Losing the heart and soul of who we are as Americans is our big fight now.
And I sure as hell don't want to think my president is the enemy in this final battle.

Sincerely,
Harold B. Estes

When a 95 year old hero of the "the Greatest Generation"
stands up and speaks out like this, I think we owe it
to him to send his words to as many Americans as
we can.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Reagan Rules!

2009-11-11T11:49:00.001-08:00

MISS THIS GUY YET?

'Here's my strategy on the Cold War:
We win, they lose.'- Ronald Reagan

'The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'
-Ronald Reagan

'The trouble with our liberal friends is not that they're ignorant; it's just that they know so much that isn't so.'
- Ronald Reagan

'Of the four wars in my lifetime, none came about because the U..S. was too strong.'- Ronald Reagan

'I have wondered at times about what the Ten Commandments would have looked like if Moses had run them through the U.S. Congress.' Ronald Reagan

'The taxpayer: That's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination.' - Ronald Reagan

'Government is like a baby: An alimentary canal with a big appetite at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.' - Ronald Reagan

'The nearest thing to eternal life we will ever see on this earth is a government program.' - Ronald Reagan

'It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.' - Ronald Reagan

'Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it.. And if it stops moving, subsidize it' - Ronald Reagan

'Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed, there are many rewards; if you disgrace yourself, you can always write a book.' - Ronald Reagan

'No arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the world, is as formidable as the will and moral courage of free men and women.'
- Ronald Reagan

'If we ever forget that we're one nation under GOD, then we will be a nation gone under.'- Ronald Reagan

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Random Thoughts

2009-11-11T11:38:00.000-08:00

Random Thoughts for the Day:

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

5. Was learning cursive really necessary?

6. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

7. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

8. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

9. Bad decisions make good stories.

10. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

11. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

12. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

13. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever.

14. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

15. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

16. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Drafting Guys Over 50

2009-11-10T19:40:00.000-08:00

Drafting Guys over 50 ............ !!!!

This is funny & obviously written by a Former military guy-
New Direction for any war: ' Send Service Vets over 60'!

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military.

They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.
For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.
An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical S-of-a-B....

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns.. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

***How about recruiting Women over 50 ....with PMS !!!

You think Men have attitudes !!!

If nothing else, put them on border patrol....we will have it secured the first night!

Joe Willie On The Shrimpbox: Andy Rooney and Prayer

2009-11-04T03:57:00.000-08:00

Andy Rooney and Prayer

Andy Rooney says:

I don't believe in Santa Claus, but I'm not going to sue somebody for singing a Ho-Ho-Ho song in December. I don't agree with Darwin , but I didn't go out and hire a lawyer when my high school teacher taught his Theory of Evolution.

Life, liberty or your pursuit of happiness will not be endangered because someone says a 30-second prayer before a football game. So what's the big deal? It's not like somebody is up there reading the entire Book of Acts. They're just talking to a God they believe in and asking Him to grant safety to the players on the field and the fans going home from the game.

But it's a Christian prayer, some will argue.

Yes, and this is the United States of America , a country founded on Christian principles. According to our very own phone book, Christian churches outnumber all others better than 200-to-1. So what would you expect -- somebody chanting Hare Krishna?

If I went to a football game in Jerusalem , I would expect to hear a Jewish prayer...

If I went to a soccer game in Baghdad , I would expect to hear a Muslim prayer.

If I went to a ping pong match in China , I would expect to hear someone pray to Buddha.

And I wouldn't be offended. It wouldn't bother me one bit.
When in Rome .....

But what about the atheists? Is another argument.

What about them? Nobody is asking them to be baptized. We're not going to pass the collection plate. Just humor us for 30 seconds. If that's asking too much, bring a Walkman or a pair of ear plugs. Go to the bathroom. Visit the concession stand. Call your lawyer!

Unfortunately, one or two will make that call. One or two will tell thousands what they can and cannot do. I don't think a short prayer at a football game is going to shake the world's foundations.

Christians are just sick and tired of turning the other cheek while our courts strip us of all our rights. Our parents and grandparents taught us to pray before eating, to pray before we go to sleep. Our Bible tells us to pray without ceasing. Now a handful of people and their lawyers are telling us to cease praying.

God, help us. And if that last sentence offends you, well, just sue me.

The silent majority has been silent too long. It's time we tell that one or two who scream loud enough to be heard that the vast majority doesn't care what they want. It is time that the majority Rules! It's time we tell them, you don't have to pray; you don't have to say the Pledge of Allegiance; you don't have to believe in God or attend services that honor Him. That is your right, and we will honor your right; but by golly, you are no longer going to take our rights away. We are fighting back, and we WILL WIN!

God bless us one and all ... Especially those who denounce Him, God bless America, despite all her faults. She is still the greatest nation of all. God bless our service men who are fighting to protect our right to pray and worship God.

Let's make 2009/2010 the year the silent majority is heard and we put God back as the foundation of our families and institutions. And our military forces come home from all the wars.

Keep looking up. IN GOD WE TRUST!